Ssh, it's a SECRET!

People say laughter is the best medicine...
 
But I rather play with my demons, so I let them in...
 
Just settle in...
 
Cause it's time to play ball no letterman..
 
My closet is too small, so I keep my skeletons in the attic..
 
They come to play when my thoughts become erratic..
 
They fill my mind with static...
 
Causing unbearable panic...
 
Causing me to go manic..
 
Thoughts become irrational...
 
Can't differentiate fictional and factual..
 
Encounters are no longer casual..
 
So what will laughter do..
 
For the constant fear that someone is after you..
 
I no longer know what laughter is like...
 
My thoughts consist of the afterlife..
 
Wondering if it will only work with half the knife..
 
Hoping that I can fit in the casket right..
 
So please tell me what laughter is like..
 
I want to live life vicariously through you cause I don't feel safe in my own skin..
 
So I hone in..
 
Wondering why my mind is so broken..
 
Go to sleep every night hoping..
 
That these eyes close and never reopen...
 
Cause to end this feeling there are only a few options..
 
Slit my wrist, hang myself, or drink some sort of concoction..
 
Thoughts going back and forth like my mind is boxing…
 
Just wish there was a cure for this feeling…
 
This is the side of me I always kept concealing..
 
Maybe the cure is for me to just speak it…
 
I have a mental disorder now you know my darkest secret...

The boy stood looking upon the waves in the sea standing nearby the sand at the beach
When a man stood next to him and asked him what he was doing
He looked at the man and then told him he was thinking of taking a swim
Without noticing or suspecting anything untoward the boy accepted this man's invitation
Which turned out to be an act of subterfuge hiding his true motivations
This man took the boy to his hotel room or rented apartment
They spoke for a while after he had offered him some orange juice
Sooner rather than later they were both in a bathtub bathing
Thereafter they came out and went to the bedroom
The boy in shock seemed to be unable to refuse the man's requests
But continued to be with him feeling the awkwardness
With the uncertainty in his mind as to what this man's intentions were in that moment
Feeling lucky and relieved it did not go any further
As the boy felt the fear of sexual exploitation
The years have passed and the boy has grown up
For some reason he never spoke about this as decades passed anchored in steady silence
Until the time came for his words to find a voice and then he was mute no more

In the middle of the city a guy thought it would be a great idea to go and visit a friend
So he went to see him in his office where he was counselling his patients as a psychologist
Now the man was happy to see him and they had some friendly chatter in the office
However when the guy who was visiting wanted to leave
The suggestion was made by the friend to visit his place
While there he changed and picked up bits and pieces of this, that and the other
Later that afternoon they were off to a place in town where they met a group of male friends
All were very jovial towards the counsellor who was known to them
But the stranger hardly said anything as the familiar faces conversed with each other
Soon it was time to go and into the club they all went
Some wearing their make-up and female attire
The friend who was unknown to them found this all a bit odd as it was unfamiliar to him at the time
This became apparent as he fumbled and fell over his words foolishly
Unable to find the right pronouns to call these men who were women in appearance
Whenever he needed to address them sometimes he said she but then a while later it was him
They didn’t react negatively to whichever gender word was spoken and misspoken
All they had gone out for was to have fun in a spot where they felt no judgement from anyone
As for the plus one friend he found himself in a community that accepted him
There was nothing to do but relax and chill and live in the moment
At the end of the night they went back to the city apartment where the group had been previously
No one came back inside from the group that dropped off the guy and his psychologist friend
The guy didn’t know why they had left them both behind
When they were at the apartment there was someone who had been in bed by himself
Who upon their arrival left them in the bedroom where he had been sleeping to give them privacy
This man had obviously woken up from his sleep
But as to why he had gotten up and slept on the couch in the other room this was soon to be revealed
Seemingly in anticipation of an imminent event that he didn't want to be an audience to  
His actions were a clear signal that the room was vacant and available
It still came as a shock when the psychologist who had offered to share his bed with his friend
Suddenly exposed himself after probing him with some questions
Trying to figure out whether both of them were ready to play
Only to discover that all his friend was interested in was to sleep
Who then scarpered off early the next morning  as if being pursued before the break of dawn

 
For thirty-five years his father drank heavily
Every weekend like clockwork with no end
And his father would always reminisce about old days
Melancholic he ended a friendship with his best friend
 
For thirty-five years his parents had been together
Through thick and thin through good and bad
His father would drink to forget the troubles
But it revived memories and made him more sad
 
“I was the worst son of a bitch” his father would say
“I drank and cheated on your mother” he’d confess
“And can you believe the woman still loved me?”
There was a pain the man wanted to get off his chest
 
“Son, I love you so much” he would say during binges
“Don’t you know you’ve always lit up my life”
“Take it easy dad” his son would tell him lovingly
As the old man would cry tears to his son and wife
 
“I’m sorry I was so bad to you” he’d say to his spouse
“You’re more beautiful today than the day we met”
“That was a long time ago” she would reply to him
But sometimes guilt and regret never lets a man forget
 
About a year later his father suffered a heart attack
And his son rushed to the hospital to be by his side
His father apologized for all those drunken binges
For the times he rambled on, reminisced, and cried
 
“He’ll need a blood transfusion” the doctor told the son
And he was more than happy to donate without a catch
But that was the day, that after some thirty-six years
The son found out he and his father were not a match
 
“You knew all along?” the son asked the old man
“I forgave your mother just as such as she forgave me”
For in between family secrets, there are ties and lies
Some carry the weight in their soul so gravely