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DEPRESSION

Joewaynejoe
Joewaynejoe
Strange Creature
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Joined 8th June 2021
Forum Posts: 1

Inside out

Life is so meaningness
Damp and awkward
Effort so senseless
Disappointment like clockwork

I wonder when it was
That I lost my Grit
Why the all thesepieces
That refuse to fit

Is it payback for Deeds
Gone unpunished
Slaughter and Theft
as i dug through the rubbish
Written by Joewaynejoe
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wallyroo92
wallyroo92
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 1302

Steer by the Stars

 
There you are, exactly where I used to be
At the same age and time
Looking at the waves and rage of the sea
Hoping for a ray of sunshine

There you are, standing at the top of the cliff
Staring into the cold abyss
Gazing endlessly like you’re wondering if
All of this will go amiss

There you are, with profound compassion
Delicate fractured soul
Hiding behind a smile with closed caption
Trying to find your role

The answers will come to you in time if you’re patient
You’ll learn to steer by the stars on those darker nights
But remember never settle for less or become complacent
And most importantly, never lose the will to fight

I can see your smile by the light of the new moon
Here you are, you’re almost out of your cocoon

139 Words
92 Unique
Written by wallyroo92
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ANATNOM_GNIREFFUS
ANATNOM_GNIREFFUS
Suffering Montana
Lost Thinker
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Joined 18th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 5

Thoughts that torment

My mind is ablaze
My eyes are unsure
My soul is a whirlpool
And my hope falls in

The world is a meat grinder
My heart has grown weak
And though my legs are weary
There is nowhere to rest

My stomach is empty
And so is my will
For life has grown tiresome
And I cannot control a thing
When it comes to my feelings

The bottle is empty, but I'm not drunk
The sink is full of whiskey and wine
And as I look at the vortex pulling it in
I can feel my spirit flee into the plumbing
Alongside my old friends Evan and Jack
Gone forevermore with my happiness

With no escape my heart is cornered
By the harsh realities of my life
And the clarity feels like disorder
In comparison to spinning nothingness
And now it all feels so painful
And I remember why I lost my trust
A very, very long time ago

And they say they're so proud
But I am sick, twisting up inside
Because without that bottle in me
I have no friends in this place
And without the hazing cloud
The mirror shows me my true face

Everything hurts, I hate the world
I'm all alone and surrounded by kin
I curse myself for being born
Because it's my thoughts that torment
My waking days, they feel like dreams
and with no sleep there's no in-between
Day blurrs into night and night into day
Until my shoulders are so heavy
That I cannot bear the pain anymore



Written by ANATNOM_GNIREFFUS (Suffering Montana)
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ANATNOM_GNIREFFUS
ANATNOM_GNIREFFUS
Suffering Montana
Lost Thinker
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Joined 18th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 5

Eventide

The shadows of the fading sun
Engulf the faces of the mountainside
And slowly stretch their way
Across the landscape
And the world descends into night
For months, the terrain is caught in twilight
And the darkness creeps into every corner
Through old, misshapen panes of glass
The void seems to seep into the light
The type of dark that creeps into your heart
And poisons you
Written by ANATNOM_GNIREFFUS (Suffering Montana)
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Fallen_Angel_194
Fallen_Angel_194
Angel.
Thought Provoker
United States
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Joined 24th May 2014
Forum Posts: 311

Gaia

Sometimes I think that the world would be a better place without me in it,
That the heavens would sing at my arrival and the world herself would sigh in relief.
I think that when the gods made me they made me for something else, something more.
It is as if everything I am made up of, all of the pain and the tears and the anguish,
It is as if it was not designed for this place, that the world herself could not hold me still in her whooshing arms.
 
I sometimes believe that the ones i love and know would be happier with me gone,
That they too would sigh in relief, knowing that I was looking down through the heavens and the stars.
That they would move on, leaving me alone to lie in peace for the rest of my days.
 
I sometimes think that world herself has given up on me too,
That she has tried to build me up with nothing but carcasses and sunlight,
And yet the darkness that lives within the cavern of my being swallows it up too quickly.
I sometimes wish, hope, and even think that I will be brave enough to join the skies and stars,
To become one of the lost souls that the earth herself can no longer hold on to.
But I never do.
Written by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)
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Fallen_Angel_194
Fallen_Angel_194
Angel.
Thought Provoker
United States
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Joined 24th May 2014
Forum Posts: 311

What does depression feel like?

Depression feels like empty emotionless evenings lying in bed, too tired to even eat.
It feels like not having the strength to shower or brush my teeth, to even breathe.
He feels like a never ending nightmare, except that I am completely and truly awake.
Depression is begging unseen forces to take you away, to end it all.

He is like suffocating on land, choking on the air that I am breathing through my lungs,
He is every unfinished conversation that I have ever had, every unspoken confession.
He has stitched my tongue to the roof of my mouth so that I cannot speak,
He has taken my mind body and soul away, leaving nothing but a husk of what I was.

Depression feels like wanting to be held by my mother, but not having the strength to move or even stand.
He feels like an anchor chained to the base of my lungs, stealing my air each time.
He feels like unwashed laundry and a room so dirty that all I can do is cry.

Depression feels like truly dying, being on the brink of what I assume is death,
Coming so close to being over and done with, and then at a moment's notice,
He is gone, and the weight of the world upon my chest has vanished.
But I cannot be happy yet, because I sit and wonder when he'll strike next,
When he'll come back to me again.
Written by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)
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Sound135
Sound135
Ryan M. Becker
Strange Creature
United States
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Joined 10th June 2021
Forum Posts: 4

toniscales
toniscales
Lost Girl
Fire of Insight
United States
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Joined 16th Dec 2014
Forum Posts: 408

Beautiful Black Flowers

(I wrote this piece during the year after my mom died and I was off meds, could not pay my bills on my foreclosed home, and spent my days talking to men around the world on porn sites. Thanks.)
 
Every house on my street is neat  
And green and trim and linear  
Like something out of a Tim Burton  
Or John Hughes film.  
But I imagine the grass in my yard,
Dry and yellow and overgrown,
To be opening its million tiny mouths,  
Thirsty. Water, please.  
Help.  
Please.  
 
I am female. This morning I am ripe,  
I smell of blood and longing  
And womanly things. I burn
And melt in adoration.  
Surely everything I touch
On my destination within this  
Quiet house must be scorched.  
There must be a million tiny black marks
Of my strange consciousness  
Everywhere.  
 
My mother's ashes lie beneath  
My brother's bathroom sink.  
I ache to sift my hands through them.  
Mommy. I have questions.  
Do you have answers.  
I feel like a mother doting on children  
Who secretly despise her  
And can't wait to leave the house.  
My heart races in my chest.  
I hear a thousand times a day,  
Help me. Mommy.  
Help.  
Me.  
 
Last night I dreamed  
I had a thousand sons.  
They were somehow all immigrants,  
Taking a boat to America  
To begin a new life.  
I stood on the pier, waving,  
I wanted to speak but my voice  
Wouldn't emerge.  
Don't forget me, I cried out in my head,
Don't forget me because I loved you.  
But their heads were already
Turned away, something new  
And exciting awaited them.  
 
Now, beautiful black flowers of mold  
Blossom on the walls.  
There is always a taste in my mouth,  
Some essence that lingers.  
I wonder if little things have taken root  
Inside my brain and slowly, softly fester.  
I smell of things right and not  
Quite right. Perfume from yesterday,  
That strange metallic scent of woman.  
It jars and snags the air.  
It's a fecund smell, it's rich
In something fertile and lush and full.  
But it's stale, its purpose is finished.  
Every month something leaves my body That could have been human.
For some reason things are glitched.
There are skips and bumps in nature.
Nothing human will ever come
From me again.  
 
I will begin to move now.  
It is automatic, autonomic, it churns  
And clanks into gear without thought  
Or much programming.  
I think I can hear the grass today.  
It's so thirsty. Please, it screams,  
And all the voices from a million  
Tiny mouths are cracked and parched.  
 
A million tiny answering mouths  
Inside me are opening
Like horrible flowers,  
Trying to find their voice.  
I'm so thirsty, they cry.  
Please help.  
Answers.  
Answers.
 
 
https://youtu.be/VrbhhoSMw04
Written by toniscales (Lost Girl)
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Scarybutnotscared
Scarybutnotscared
Lost Thinker
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Joined 11th Jan 2017
Forum Posts: 1

Drifting back to you

No matter what..

My Mind dirfts back to you.

A single thought,

Brings back a flood of memories

No matter how much it hurts to remember..

My mind drifts back to you.

And I'll sit in silence,

While the hole in my chest gets bigger

My sorrow leaking out

My Mind Drifting Back To You.

R.I.P
Written by Scarybutnotscared
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brokentitanium
brokentitanium
k.
Dangerous Mind
Canada
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Joined 18th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 533

Lurk

You lurk
unnoticed
whispering from darkened corners
the lies that suck my energy
while strengthening your voice

You exert subtle influence
convincing me to choose
the soundtrack that feeds only you
while leaving me in damp melancholy

You tilt my world
imperceptibly
s l o w l y
until suddenly I find myself
half
  way
   down
      a
         scree
           strewn
             slope
               sliding
                  gently
                     into
                            the pit

It would be easy not to fight
surrender to your silky welcome
but I know it's a mirage
what you really offer is torment


Still,
you lurk

and I'm tired.
Written by brokentitanium (k.)
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brokentitanium
brokentitanium
k.
Dangerous Mind
Canada
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Joined 18th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 533

The Crow

There’s a dead crow hanging against a clear blue sky
(that’s my soul up there)

*
It’s been there for months.
Catching my eye on every drive home,
piquing my curiosity because
I can’t quite tell what it is from a moving car,
but I have my suspicions.
A feathery blackness in the crook of branches,
not shaken free by wind,
or weighed down by snow;
persistent through the seasons.
I’m obsessed with it.
My girl, who is yet unaware of true darkness
Says “mom, it’s just a piece of plastic, silly.”

But I know.
It is the little black spot in my soul,
lurking in the back of my consciousness
through every season of mood,
ready to rise up and peck at my heart.
Just a small speck on sunny days,
but then growing with its wings of dark night,
enveloping my face in feathers,
obstructing my vision,
gripping my core with its black decay.

*
There’s a little black spot on the sun today
(that’s my soul up there)

Written by brokentitanium (k.)
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Grace
Grace
Idryad
Guardian of Shadows
112awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 15127

MidlandAngel, inechoingsilence, brokentitanium,  Scarybutnotscared, toniscales, Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel. ANATNOM_GNIREFFU, wallyroo92 and wallyroo92 thank you everyone for your entries.

Medinda
Medinda
Fire of Insight
United States
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Joined 22nd Aug 2018
Forum Posts: 84

Open Wound

My Face Is Bleeding

not blood

But the tears I shed

From the wounds of my eyes

Pouring Out My Pain
Written by Medinda
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Medinda
Medinda
Fire of Insight
United States
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Joined 22nd Aug 2018
Forum Posts: 84

Oceans

Oceans
Medinda
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Grace
Grace
Idryad
Guardian of Shadows
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Joined 25th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 15127

Medinda thank you for your entry.

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