Poetry competition CLOSED 7th May 2021 5:32pm
WINNER
Viddax (Lord Viddax)
Viddax (Lord Viddax)
RUNNER-UP:
PoetsRevenge
NaPo 2021 Stomp the Prompt Comp
EPISODE 15/30
"The Two Point O Towers you say," said Harry the Weregroundhog. "Why, that's like just up the road a little ways. Follow me!"
And the Fellowship did, approaching two filthy, stone towers with a massive spiderweb stretched between the both. And there in the middle of the webbing was a huge, glowing orb with a pupil smack dab in its center. As the sun had already gone down, a beam of light eminated from the Eye of DUPon much like that of a lighthouse. She was tirelessly scanning the lands to the south, always in search of The One Poem ™.
"If we approach her from the side, she won't see us coming and alert the Porks in the towers," said Summdir.
It was just then that upon the clouds appeared another similar light with the symbol of a Bat in it. This was the calling card of the Dark Knight!
"Oh, nos!" cried Lady Ahavarwen. "DUGlo and the others can travel no further without being seen. We must find a way to distract the Eye of DUPon as soon as possible!"
"We'll need the help of the Dwarves," said Melrond. But why were they still lingering in the forest?
"Dwarves, you say?" inquired Harry. "Like, did they happen to investigate something that was shiny-like in the woods?"
"Yes!" they all chimed together.
"Uh-oh," said the monstrous Groundhog. "My cousin, Larry, is always setting traps in the woods to ensnare travellers on the road. He's a bloodthirsty Werebadger who is probably eating your Dwarves at this very moment."
Smuggle laughed maniacally to Duggle. You were right afterall!
* * * * * * * * * * *
The Dark Knight aimed his Bat Signaling Runestone at the clouds, waiting impatiently for a response from the other Fellowshippers signaling it was okay to proceed.
S s s s s h h h h h r r r r r i i i i i e e e e e k k k k k !
"Ohhh! I wish they would hurry!" exclaimed Satin Gamjeez as he climbed further up the nearest of the Musty Mountains. "Those Nasty Ghoulies sure do give me the frights!"
There, below in Stanza Valley, the Nine Poemwraiths had just begun their rendition of Michael Jackson's Thriller. It was only a matter of time and choreography before the Ditch King would give the command to strike!
DUGlo's worst fears had manifested: they were discovered because he was glowing phenomenally bright.
* * * * * * * * * *
The Eye of DUPon likewise witnessed the curious bat-shaped light anomaly on the clouds. It seemed so ... familiar . . .
And then a bizarre thought occured to her:
Was I a great Spider in a past life ..?
* * * * * * * * * *
"We must save the Dwarves first!" instructed Jaragorn. "We will not abandon them to torment and death."
And he whispered into John Ronald's ear in the ancient tongue of his ancestors, the Numeralians. At hearing the command, the Donkey leapt into action ( with Smuggle and Duggle bouncing around in the saddle ).
"Oh, fishystickses!" grumbled Smuggle, as the Donkey beelined into the woods towards where the Dwarves wandered off into.
Greetings, Great Poets of the Fellowship! Welcome to the Challenge Summit! Those who have a clear view may proceed into the halfway mark of Day 15!
Those who do not have a 24 hour window to edit/and or submit those late poems! You've come this far, we know you can do eeet!
EPISODE 16/30
It would have been a comical sight if the situation wasn't so dire.
The Dwarves were up to their bearded chins in cold water, standing in the dammed up waters of the Forked Up River. A huge wall of logs prevent the waters from flowing down a hill, while they were imprisoned by tree limbs tied into a makeshift cell.
Nearby on dry land, Larry the Werebadger stoked a fire underneath a cauldron of boiling water.
"The key to cooking Dwarf is boiling them alive like Mudbugs, but only after a long, cold soak," said the mighty, striped beast. "It excites the juicy parts and enhances any armpit aromas."
Barry the Werebeaver heavily objected. "I'm starving! Let's just squash the little buggers into jelly pies and be done with it already!"
"Hey!" shouted slipalong. "Why don't you foul animals go jump in a lake!"
Many a Dwarf groaned, as they were already up to their necks in water themselves.
"Really?" grumbled brokentitanium "Is that best you could do?"
"Ironically speaking, we're soon to be in hot water," said Thetravelingfairy.
"Com'on! We're suppose to be poets!" insisted Misfitpoet89. "We can do better!"
The Werebadger towering above began poking at them with a stick to see which of the Dwarves was the plumpest. "Is it juicy? Is it ripe? Is it scrummmmmptious?" he asked.
"STOP BADGERING US!" Honoria shouted.
Many a Dwarf cheered! Sometimes it takes a situation of duress for one to finally tap into their poetic side.
"Don't fret, Mates," said Zazzles. "The others will rescue us any minute now. They always do. You'll see."
Unfortunately, not long afterwards, their optimism was dashed liked a sprinkling of paprika as homophonous Harry lumbered into the clearing dragging a large, burlap satchel. He lifted up the ceiling of wooden prison over the heads of the Dwarves and dumped the remaining members of the Fellowship out of the bag into the chilly river water.
"Hahaha!" laughed the giant Werewoodchuck. "Fooled you, didn't we? And it was like taking candy from a baby troll!"
"Ganjosh!" cried Ghaddess_Worship in despair. "What in the realm of Muddle Earth shall we do now?!" NaPoWriMo seemed like a faraway dream.
The Gray Gecko shrugged his shoulders with a slight splash, at an absolute loss for a course of action that would free them. His magic staff was still somewhere in the burlap bag!
"No worries," said Jaragorn, spitting out a mouthful of water. He was quite confident that everything would turn out alright.
Ahavarwen added, "Besides, this is good practice. It wouldn't be NaPoWriMo if someone wasn't trying to eat us!"
EPISODE 17/30
The Nasty Ghoulies inchwormed there way up side of the Musty Mountain, flaming swords in hand. DUGlo, Satin, and the Dark Knight feverishly climbed higher.
In desperation, DUGlo reached for The One Poem ™ hanging from the neck chain tucked underneath his shirt. He seriously considered reading it aloud. Was not the power to tell the Poemwraiths to Back off! at his very fingertips? Would he not become their Master ..?
"Don't you even think about it!" said Satin Gamjeez. "The Poem is pure EVIL!"
"He's right," said the Dark Knight. "The satisfaction of having that power will only be fleeting. Then it will turn your brain into a poe-tayter-tot! Only MOAR!ON is capable of weilding the wretched thing."
DUGlo sighed, reaching for a cliff rock instead. They retreated further up the mountainside, but soon would be able to climb no higher without being seen by the Eye of DUPon!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Larry the Werebadger was about to reach into the waterlogged cell for the first handful of Dwarves to become appetizers when a lone, miniature Donkey strolled in from the woods. It was garnished with a pair of tasty looking Frogs duct taped to its saddle!
"Ohh!" exclaimed bucktoothed Barry. "I call dibbles on the Froggies!"
But when he reached for the panic stricken duo, John Ronald bolted between his hairy legs. Harry shoved his cousin aside and chased the Donkey around the cauldron to no avail until he was out of breath. Smuggle and Duggle were queasy with motion sickness.
No matter how hard the Werebeasts tried, they could not get their clawed paws on the Frogs. John Ronald was too quick and clever for them. And then a curious thing happened as the sun came up: they turned back into the little Animal-Folks they were normally were during daylight hours! Off into the woods scampered Badger, Beaver, and Groundhog.
"Whatever in the world did you whisper to the Donkey?" asked Ahavarwen.
"I only told him to find the Dwarves," replied Jaragorn. "I never expected him to act like such an ass."
Everyone cheered! at their sudden change of fortune, until the reality that they were still imprisoned settled in. The Frog brothers were still duct taped, leaving the Fellowshippers to a fate of hypothermia.
Twenty minutes of brainstorming up an escape to no avail passed when an Ent named Treenuts walked by. He stopped dead in his tracks, horrified at what he saw.
"Many of these trees were my friends!" he cried out in anguish and began tearing apart the dam with his bare branchy hands. Or were they handsy branches ..? "A Werebeaver should know better!"
"Everyone, hold onto your butts!" shouted PRadriel as the swelled up river was suddenly unleashed upon the hillside.
Greeting, Great Poets of the Fellowship! It's ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE! We wish nomoth well, who, as a photographer, enjoys the view from the summit ( and has plenty of food from the banquet to suffice him for months! )! We are sure he will be wildly successful and content.
If you have reached the "Downhill from Here" sign, you may safely proceed into day 17!!!!
EPISODE 18/30
It was within a matter of minutes that the flood carried them all straight towards the Eye of DUPon. When all was done and said, our Fellowship ended up stuck in the massive spiderweb suspended between the Two Point O Towers.
They were out of the frying pan and into the fire!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Out of options, the Dark Knight spread his arms, and used his cape as a parasail. He leapt off a cliff of the Musty Mountain, leaving the Nasty Ghoulies behind shrieking in frustration. Although, with Satin and DUGlo clinging to him, it wasn't so much hang gliding as it was a controlled crash landing.
And an ugly landing at that. They came to an abrupt splash in the Dreaded Marshes not far away, but far enough that they had a good head start. When the Nasty Ghoulies finally made it back down the mountainside to their miniature black steeds, our rogue Fellowshippers were miles ahead on the way to Moardor.
But ... did the Eye of DUPon see them?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
No!
The Eye of DUPon had been preoccupied with the grand surge of water rushing straight for her. She witnessed nothing else! The raging waters had also washed away the Pork guards, giving the Fellowship some time to think up an escape.
Unfortunately, Spiders contracted to keep the huge web maintained and clean of wind blown trash approached from every direction. It was every bugger's worst nightmare come true!
InNomine started thrashing about in a panic. AspergerPoet56 dictated his last will and testament to anyone else who might survive this.
Cool Dude Merry wished to serenade the Spiders in the hopes of currying their favor, but his mouth was stuck shut by the web. Lunalos could not reach her bow and arrow to at least frighten them off. Eerowyn was just thankful that the Donkeys, with the exception of John Ronald, were parked in the shade down the road out of harm's way.
Smuggle wept and prayed to the gods that, should they be set free, he would be a lot nicer to his brother, Duggle. And not plot to kill Wyrmses anymore. And refrain from eating Porkses. And . . .
The largest of the Spiders was the foreman of the crew with the nametag of Sheila Lobelia. Chewing a piece of nicotine gum and adjusting her hardhat, she said, "My, my, said the spider to the fly! What do we have here?"
Then she scuttled up to Misfitpoet89 who was quaking in her boots and said, "Don't worry, little bugger. Do not cry, for you have nothing to fear."
"Really?" asked the Dwarf with a premature sigh of relief.
"Are ya kiddin me?" replied Shiela, followed by a wicked LOL of a laugh. "You're an all-we-can-eat breakfast buffet and my sisters are famished!"
Greetings, Great Poets of the Fellowship! If you do not have an X beside your name, you may safely follow the footsteps down the winding path into Day 18! You are only three days out from being 3/4th's of the way! Time is beginning to fly! Congratulations to those still trekking!
EPISODE 19/30
Sheila Lobelia and her crew were about to wrap up our Fellowshippers into fresh juice boxes when Ahavarwen blurted out,
"Spiderweb Mistress, the Dark Knight still loves you!"
The Sisterhood of the Eight Legged pants froze at the sudden outcry and looked up at their once upon a time Queen, who was nothing less than wide-eyed at the mention of the name. She blinked in Morse Code,
That name sounds familiar . . . It felt as if a fog shrouding her memory slightly lifted. He was my ... boyfriend?!
"YES!" everyone exclaimed in unison. The Spiders who, despite their hunger, were enraptured by the prospect of romance.
The great Eye of DUPon began to tear ( almost drowning Viddax who was stuck in the web directly below ). The memories came back to her slowly, until she finally remembered what the Dark Knight looked like: such a strapping hunk in those tights, the pointed rubber ears, the way he discoed in the moonlight and danced the Batusi under the stars . . .
"Help us be free of this web!" said Ganjosh. "Then we'll help you find him!"
She blinked wildly in agreement. Sheila and her crew clapped their mandibles excitedly and went straight to work on pulling everyone free. Then the Eye of DUPon was loaded onto a wooden cart to be pulled by several of the Donkeys.
In gratitude, Rosie Grace gave each of the spiders a basket of blueberry muffins and a recipe for the most dynamite Bloody Marys.
"Which way do we go now?" asked da_poetic-edifier after that harrowing escape.
"We head straight for that volcanic mountain spewing flames and noxious fumes," said P'Radriel, pointing to the East.
"Or, we just follow the shrieks," Lord Melrond added.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
And the shrieking of the Nasty Ghoulies was relentless as they galloped back to the armor plated, spikey gated community of Humbug. Their miniature midnight steeds were tuckering out. They would search for The One Poem ™ from the skies instead. It was time to saddle up their awful, dragon-winged Smelly Beasts!
But first, at the guard shack, the Ditch King swiped his badge through the card reader and entered his 4 digit PIN code. The security in his kingdom was so tight that even he was subject to random body cavity searches. Then they disappeared through the metal gate that was briefly opened.
The Dark Knight listened intently, then sighed in relief. The Poemwraiths were travelling away from them. They could breathe more easily now. It was slow going through the Dreaded Marshes, but they were making better time than if they had gone around.
DUGlo was alarmed when he came across a face in the water staring back up at him. "Who are these people?" he asked hesitantly.
The Dark Knight explained, without slowing down. "The bodies here have been preserved by these boggy waters for thousands of years. They were the Numeralians, Men of the West who fought MOAR!ON's armies and drove him into the East. Most of their race is extinguished and without a king to lead themthese days."
The Glowyrm thought of all the NaPoWriMos that were held before and after MOAR!ON's reign of terror, thanks in part to these brave, fallen soldiers. It put things into a sort of perspective. This was history they were travelling through. And its future depended on the outcome of their quest.
DUGlo was really just a little fellow, in a wide world after all.
Greetings, Fellowshippers! Apparently a carnival is held on the outskirts of MOAR'DOR each year. You can't have a day off, but you can have a day of fun if you have a ticket beside your name! We'll be meeting at the Ferris wheel at midnight to continue our trek!
Have fun!
EPISODE 20/30
Manmoth messengers harriedly carried word to Moardor that the Eye of DUPon had abandoned her post. Displeased, MOAR!ON obliterated his coffee table with his mighty mace dubbed Grubgrinder. Soon it would be time to wage his final war against all in Muddle Earth who would oppose him!
"Alert all legions to be on the lookout for my Precious!" he commanded.
The Manmoths scattered to notify his minion multitudes that there was mayhem to be made on the horizon.
* * * * * * * * * * *
At that very moment, DUGlo and his companions scaled a little known ancient stairway leading across the mountain chain of Grub Dulgur. Long overgrown with stinkweeds, it was carved into the rock by the Numeralians long ago. On the other side was Moardor, and Mount Dumb further in the East.
"Boy, I sure am getting tired of climbing mountains," said Satin Gamjeez. "One thing is for certain, Mister DUGlo: our abdomens will be chiseled! We'll be in the best shaped of our lives. If we live through this, that is."
The Glowyrm had his doubts when they reached the plateau and laid eyes on Moardor below. Porks marched everywhere about the landscape that was crawling with Beetle Borgs. It would take a miracle for them to reach Mount Dumb without being seen!
* * * * * * * * * * *
To the North, insufferable shrieking erupted again. The Poemwraiths issued forth from Humbug riding through the fouled air on their Smelly Beasts! NaPoWriMo was to be met with all resistance, and with The One Poem ™ nearly within their grasp, the Fellowshippers had not a prayer of even making it to the month of April!
They split up, canvassing the terrain, knowing that the Dark Knight and his grubby little companions would be bent upon destroying the Master's Precious.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The rest of the Fellowship trudged along towards Minus Punctual, the last great kingdom of Muddle Earthian Men surviving from the Ancient Days. It was built by the Numeralians before the stronghold of Moardor was established in direct opposition to its presence.
Having no rightful heir to occupy its throne, the Men of the West were governed by the Steward, Lord Doneitbefore. He was a very unimaginative man with two likewise unimaginative sons, Borrowedverse and Fairlyverse. Convincing them to lead their army into a battle with the minions of MOAR!ON would be no easy task, but such was their only hope in creating enough of a distraction that no one noticed DUGlo travelling through Moardor.
The Dwarves entertained themselves along the way. Honoria abd Sex_on_the_Joe played a game of Slugbug. During a drinking contest, Ghaddess_Worship and cloventongue89 repeatedly fell off their Donkeys.
Zazzles was teasing the Eye of DUPon, trying to make her blink by feigning to poke her with a stick.
"I wouldn't do that," said Lunalass. She pointed to a batch of skeletons in cocoons suspended from the nearby trees. "That's what Sheila and her crew did to the Dwarves during NaPoWriMo last year when they got cocky."
The stick ended up on the road as all of the Dwarves nervously hurried to the front of the caravan.
* * * * * * * * * * *
No one noticed that Smuggle and Duggle had managed to squirm free enough of their duct tape bonds. They fell off of John Ronald and hopped away into the woods.
Greetings, Great Poets of the Fellowship! We hope you had a nice break at the carnival last night! Woot! Woot! You're 2/3rd the way there! Congratulations!
Grab some cotton candy and head on into day 20 of the challenge! Or, if you have no cotton candy, spend the next 24 hours correcting your mistakes to remain in the challenge!
Well done, ALL!
EPISODE 21/30
The Fellowship kept a brisk pace on the road to Minus Punctual, until a Fire Drake suddenly descended from a great height. It streamed a flaming torrent of obscenities upon the nearest forest, quickly reducing it to glowing embers.
"Is that Shmug?" asked PRadriel, straining her Elf eyes.
"I believe it might beee ... Gluaringtypo," chimed Eerowyn. "Yep."
"Nope," said Cool Dude Merry. "That's definitely Analogous."
By the time everyone was done farting around trying to place a name with the face, the Dragon had landed in the road before them!
The Dwarves readied their ink quills, searching for any missing scales in the behemoth's armor to deal a decisive deathblow, while Gimlyroo waited to give them the order to fire.
Riding atop the beast was a woman who said proudly with steadfast determination,
"I am D'Ahavanerys Stormborn of House Grammargaryen, the First of my name, Queen of Assonance, Consonance, and the First Alliterations, Protector of the Seven Punctuations, the Mother of Dragons, the Card Dealer of the Great Crystal Deck, the Unburnt Toast Buttered with Ghee, and the Breaker of Poetry Rules and Chains."
And a man behind her, holding onto the Dragon for dear life, said,
"I am Johnny Snow. April is coming."
Ganjosh the Gray shook his head in exasperation and said "No, no, no. You're in the wrong NaPoWriMo. This is The Lord of the Poems! You want Game of Poems one continent over!" And he grumbled to himself,
Amateurs.
Later that day, they arrived at Minus Punctual, but the guards refused to open the citadel's massive gate. Steward Doneitbefore appeared upon the high wall, lording over them, while his council Wyrmholler addressed the Fellowship waiting below.
"WHAT A BUNCH OF MISERABLE VAGABONDS," he derided. "CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THE HOUR IS NIGH TO CONCEDE MOAR!ON's VICTORY OVER MUDDLE EARTH?!"
"Ugh," winced Summdir. "His shouting in all CAPS is migraine inducing."
"We did not come here to treat with a halfwit wyrmhole the likes of you," said Jaragorn.
"AND WHO ARE YOU TO TALK DOWN TO ME FROM DOWN THERE WHEN I'M UP HERE TALKING DOWN TO YOU?" mocked the Steward's council.
Lady Ahavarwen rode forward on her donkey and declared, "This is Lord Jaragorn, son of Jaragorn, son of Jaragorn Tolkien, and you owe him your allegiance!"
A hush came over the Steward's council, while numerous city guards murmured excitedly, for Jaragorn was heir to the throne of the Western Men!
And coincidentally, a Tolkien Jrr.
Greetings, Great Fellowshippers! Take a water break while Jaragorn consults the the map of Muddle Earth to ensure we're on the right track! If you don't have a map, then you have a 24 hour grace period to edit so that you can proceed into day 21!
Whoop whoop! T-Minus 9 days! Hang on and stay with us!
EPISODE 22/30
The Dark Knight and DUGlo slept in the abandoned ruins of an ancient Numeralian watchtower, but Satin was wide awake.
He could not resist peering into the P'lan Tier Three they brought along from Castle Mudbug. When the Muddle Earthenet connection was established, Rosie Grace's face suddenly appearing in the globe startled him!
"Satin Gamjeez! Where in the world have you gotten off to?!" she demanded to know. "We were supposed to be bunkies on this trip!"
"I'm sorry, Rosie!" he replied. "But Mister DUGlo needed me!"
"What about MY needs, hrmmm?" she asked, giving him a stinkeye that rivaled the Eye of DUPon.
"Uhh ... um ... uhh ..," Satin stammered in a panic, just as a new connection logged on. "Someone else is joining the conversation - please hold!"
She was saying something about holding a rolling pin up against his noggin when Salamandar the White appeared. "Hahahaha! Fool! I may not know where you are, but I know with great certainty you aren't with the rest of the Fellowship at Minus Punctual! You have sealed your own doom!"
Satin Gamjeez felt his heart race. He was catching hell from all sides.
More scaly faced individuals in colored hoods logged on and joined the conversation, wanting to know if the Rainbow Coalition of Lizards was discussing when the next Muddle Earth Pride Parade was going to be scheduled.
There were other unfamilar faces as wel - one in particular by the name of TBombadil420 was very animated and irate, complaining that he was completely left out of the NaPoWriMo 2021 script.
And then a pair of what looked to be Frogs with paper bags over their heads appeared. One of them asked, "Pardon meeeses, but would you happenses to have Prince Borrowedverses in a can?" The other incognito Frog cackled hysterically.
Upon hearing the commotion as they marched by, a platoon of Porks patroling Moardor charged into the ancient ruins and up its stairwell.
MOAR!ON entered the conversation at some point, growling, "I seee yooouuuu!" before angrily smashing the P'Lan Tier on his end with Grubgrinder ... and then regretted doing so before ascertaining the whereabouts of his Precious.
Feeling lightheaded, Satin dropped the P'lan Tier before passing out on the cold, stone floor.
