Poetry competition CLOSED 7th May 2021 5:32pm
WINNER
Viddax (Lord Viddax)
Viddax (Lord Viddax)
RUNNER-UP:
PoetsRevenge
NaPo 2021 Stomp the Prompt Comp
EPISODE 8/30
Lady Ahavarwen and Lord Jaragorn approached the ruins of a once great castle carved from sandstone.
"This weathered fortress was home to the Mudbug tribe who fled Muddle Earth when MOAR!ON waged his war," said Ahavarwen. "Shelfin the Great Elfin Yabby refused to live in a realm where only ABAB rhyme scheme was allowed. He instructed his people to construct a huge ark on which they all sailed away across the Mudpuddle Sea. Knowing MOAR!ON despised free form poetry as well as alliteration, especially tongue twisters, his last words as they drifted away from the dock were, She saw sea shells by the seashore. "
Jaragorn stared up at the sandstone tower that the bat creature disappeared into. He drew his sword and rapped it against the front door. To their surprise when it opened, DUGlo Baggins was standing there as fine and happy as can be!
"Greetings, my ffellow Fellowship friends!" the Glowyrm cried. "I'm so happy to see you! And I want you to meet my new acquaintance."
Dumbfounded, they followed the little bugger inside to where a Man in a black hooded mask and cape sat in a recliner. He was nursing a stein of ale. "Tada!" said DUGlo with a grand guesture. "Allow me to introduce ... the Dark Knight!"
The masked man slurped from the stein, hardly acknowledging them.
"THIS ... is the Dark Knight?" Ahavarwen asked incredulously.
"Yep!" DUGlo replied rather proudly. So much that he was beaming. Literally, as light was radiating from him in all directions.
Jaragorn sheathed his sword and scratched his whiskered chin. "DUGlo, are you sure? He seems a bit ... pudgy and out of shape. And why is he wearing a bat costume?"
The masked man leapt to his feet, spilling some ale as he almost fell forward. He took a moment to steady himself as if riding a surfboard. "Hey!" he scowled. "When you get to be a few thousand years old like me, you'll probbly get a bit of a spare tire too. Don't let the junk in this trunk fool you, Mister - I can still shake and bake with the best. Watch this!"
The Bat-Man proceeded to drunkenly swoop around the living room like a child pretending to fly, flapping his cape and spilling more ale.
"Oh, god," Ahavarven said. "I better put on a pot of coffee."
"BAM!" he cried, swinging wildly at the air. "NaPOW!"
"Make it two pots," said the Glowyrm. "Have I a tale to tell you!"
And the four of them sat by a roaring fire as DUGlo relayed the tale of how the Dark Knight first arrived in Muddle Earth. "He fell out of a hole in the sky along with my great great great great great great great grandfather and Keeper of the Sacred Poetry Books, Nice Admirable DUG." The Glowyrm paused for a moment to think. "Or maybe it was Vice Admiral . . .?"
He looked imporingly at the Dark Knight. The costumed Man threw up his hands, saying, "Beats the hell out of me. Last thing I remember is making toast this morning." Then he slugged down more coffee.
"Here!" DUGlo said, flipping through a photo album and pointing. "This is the first DUG of my bloodline with all of the poetry books he brought from beyond the Blank Space. This is how the Earthwyrms discovered so many wonderful forms of poetry that ushered in the Dawn of Literature. That is ... before the dark days of MOAR!ON's reign."
The Dark Knight began sobbing when they came across a photo of the Spiderweb Mistress in the album. "She was so beautiful," he said and sighed heavily. "I was her wittle Batman and she was my wittle Spider Woman."
The duo fought MOAR!ON on behalf of all the peoples of Muddle Earth, DUGlo continued to explain. "For he was on his way to destroy The One Poem ™ when the Ditch King pierced him with a Black Arrow. The Dark Knight fell from the sky and crashed landed into a deep ravine that trailed off into an underground cavern. When he awoke, The One Poem ™ was missing."
"It was those halfwit Frogs!" grumbled the Knight. "They hopped off with the darn thing, They stole The One Poem ™ from us while we were unconscious! They stole the Precious!"
"Why does he refer to himself as "we" sometimes?" asked Jaragorn.
"I'm not quite sure," replied DUGlo. "Occasionally he speaks to an invisible friend named Robin ... though it might be the alcohol talking. He hasn't been sober since rescuing me."
There was a faint sound of war drums. As they listened, it grew louder.
"To the Bat Cave!" the Dark Knight enthusiastically exclaimed, suddenly on his feet again. He leapt onto a one person trampoline and slingshotted up into the tower's belfry. After a few minutes of climbing the stairs like normal people, they found him staring out the observatory using his thumbs and index fingers as goggles.
Torches blazed in the distance, growing brighter.
"Holey Moley!" he cried. "Salamandar has discovered our whereabouts. Little Fellowship fellow, were you by any chance talking to anyone through that magic bowling ball in the dining room?"
"Ooopsie," replied DUGlo. "Sorries."
"Oh, ugh," Ahavarwen said. "It's an army of Porks!"
[ Of Power And Rings ] Enigmas
He was that old;
this jolly fellow who could recall
the first raindrops falling
on freshly acornamented oaks
Not quite man-sized
but say, taller than a hobbit
jacketed blue and booted yellow
And when adorning his fair hand
with The One Ring freely offered
he didn't disappear, seemingly
remaining unaffected by its power
Thus it was that old Tom, unconcerned
with the fate of a mere trinket
or of Middle Earth's free peoples
could not be bothered or badgered
or even trusted to take the mission
of melting it down in the fires of Orodruin
seriously
He was that powerful
#2
He was that old;
this jolly fellow who could recall
the first raindrops falling
on freshly acornamented oaks
Not quite man-sized
but say, taller than a hobbit
jacketed blue and booted yellow
And when adorning his fair hand
with The One Ring freely offered
he didn't disappear, seemingly
remaining unaffected by its power
Thus it was that old Tom, unconcerned
with the fate of a mere trinket
or of Middle Earth's free peoples
could not be bothered or badgered
or even trusted to take the mission
of melting it down in the fires of Orodruin
seriously
He was that powerful
#2
EPISODE 9/30
It was not looking good for the Fellowship.
As Mudbug Castle was about to be assaulted by thousands of Porks armed to the teeth with spikes and sporks, Ganjosh and the others languished in a cell that was fabricated from bones and guarded by obnoxious Gobnoblins . . .
. . . except for PRadriel, who was so light on her bare feet that she never fell into Salamandar's trap! As she searched the Tower of ThincTanc for the skeleton key, she listened to the Gobnoblins below ceaselessly taunting the Dwarves with ABAB rhymes.
Your mother sports a lengthy beard
tangling up her feet as she walks
And your twin sister looks just as weird
with mouthfuls of hair when she talks!
Bwahahahaha!
It was a mind numbing preview of what was to become of Muddle Earth again if MOAR!ON was to reacquire The One Poem ™.
Zazzles and marina2020 played Go Fish with a deck of Beastiary cards they pilfered from Ahavarwen's travel bag. Brokenpoet2020 and Fiftysevenhours braided each others' beards.
"My poor babies," Eerowyn said as she agonized over not knowing what became of the Donkeys tied up to the railing outside. "If any harm comes to them, there will be hell to pay!"
Every Elf smells like a fisherman's warf
because of their poor hygiene habits
And when riding an elevator with a stinky Dwarf
you'd think it was a hutch of Rabbits!
Lololol!
"Make it stop!" cried Gimlyroo as he banged his head against the skeletal bars. Ganjosh wished he could, but the Gray Lizard was powerless without his staff.
There once was a couple of Earthwyrms
who hailed from Wyrmington Heights
"Don't you even think about it, Jerkweeds!" Rosie Grace yelled with a fist outstretched through the bars.
When in defeat, they finally returned
to find that all of their homes were burned
"Don't encourage them, Rosie!" said Satin Gamjeez. "They're just trolling us for a reaction."
and the Wyrms were eaten by . . . Wights . . .
. . . oh, shit.
From the doorway, Salamandar glared. He then fired a lightning bolt from his magic staff that reduced the singing Gobnoblins into a pile of charred gristle.
"No limericks allowed!" he huffed. "We serve the master of The One Poem ™ now!"
While more Gobnoblin guards reported to the dungeon and swept up the smoldering remains with a broom, PRadriel quietly entered without making a sound. She quickly unlocked the bone cell with the skeleton key and said, "Walk this way."
And all the Dwarves pretended they were graceful like Elves as they mimicked PRadriel down the corridor. Along the way, they gathered up their personal affects and were back in business.
That's when the entire cavern began to rumble with a deafening growl.
Listening intently, Lunalass's eyes grew wide with terror. "Fly!" she shouted. "There's a Wallyrog behind us!"
And instead of venturing back to the surface and the tower, they fled deeper into the bowels of Muddle Earth.
Greetings, Great Poets! If you see a Winged Creature beside your name, hop on and it will carry you across the great chasm into Day Nine!
If not, you have a 24 hour editing window to correct any mistakes if you wish the X to be eradicated from your record. If you edit AFTER your 24 hour grace period, then you will receive an additional X, as that is a separate violation.
Please remember that old poetry is not allowed to be posted in this competition. To enter such could mean automatic disqualification.
Thank you.
Congratulations, Entrants; you are almost 1/3 of the way there!
EPISODE 10/30
"Filthy Bat freak!" Smuggle and Duggle grumbled in unison. "He stole the Glowyrm who purchased the Precious Poem from the people who stole it from us! But ... we has a plan to get it back, now don't we?"
It was a rhetorical question as they crawled into one of the catapults being aimed by the Pork army amassing around Castle Mudbug. On strict orders to acquire The One Poem ™, the minions of Salamandar commenced with their attack.
"FIRE!"
The Frog twins gurgled with glee as the were launched toward the castle at 87 miles per hour, ensuring they would be first to arrive before the Porks did!
And within a matter of seconds and inches, they with shocked expressions sailed through the air right on by The Dark Knight. He was ziplining away from the castle into the forest, with DUGlo clinging to his back, and Ahavarwen and Jaragorn holding onto his legs. As Smuggle and Duggle splatted against a crumbling sandstone castle turret, our Fellowship members escaped undetected!
"Hahaha!" laughed the Dark Knight. "You really didn't think I could actually fly, did you?"
* * * * * * * * * * *
"Keep ... running!" cried Gimlyroo, swiftly becoming out of breath as his snail mail armor weighed him down. It had been quite a while since his daily jogs around the Irony Hills. "That Wallyrog is gaining on us!"
They were all heaving and gasping as the giant Demon of the ancient world snarled and flailed at their heels with its flaming critique!
"Puny Dwarves and Fellowship dipsticks!" the Wallyrog growled. "Your NaPoWriMo entries will not rhyme worth a damn! The syllable counts for each line will be inconsistent! Who taught you how to write poetry?! Don't quit your day jobs! And just look at all those mispellings, not to mention typos! Typos! TYPOS! MUAHAHAHA!" Its devilish laugh was ear shattering and concentration breaking! "Just hand me your Tropheees now before you embarass yourselves in April!"
And with that, Ganjosh the Gray Lizard halted in stride, turned, and drove his magic staff into the carvernous ground. There was a thunderous cracking-of-stone noise as he declared with great authority, "YOU SHALL NOT TROLL US!"
Unfortunately, his magic staff struck a waterpipe supplying western Muddle Earth. A huge geyser burst upward, washing everyone up a chasm to the surface.
Fortunately, it helped them escape the Wallyrog, whose flaming critique was doused in an explosion of steam.
Unfortunately, the added pressure of that steam sent our waterlogged Fellowshippers rocketing out of the ground in an almost volcanic like eruption.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Fortunately for Ahavarwen and Jaragorn, the explosion of water broke their fall as the Dark Knight's tights tore loose from his costume.
See how everything all works out when you just go with the flow? You need not worry when it comes to NaPoWriMo, for . . ."
"Oh, no you don't, Mister Narrator!" shouted Eerowyn to the heavens. "What about my #$@%ing Donkeys?!"
Greetings, Great Poets of the Fellowship! You are officially one-third of the way through the challenge!
If your Dragon has deposited you safely, then your Elf guide is ready to lead you through Day Ten! If not, make sure you adhere to the rules for last posting!
May the force be with you!
EPISODE 11/30
Our Fellowship of the Poem, still soggy from their adventure, quietly returned to ThincTanc under cover of darkness to retrieve the miniature Donkeys. And because the White Lizard had sent all of his minions to Castle Mudbug, the great absurdian tower was unguarded, and the recovery was effortless.
Then they stuffed the Donkeys and themselves back into the wine barrels, opting to float down the Brandy Wine River ® a few more miles. Needless to say, everyone was starting to get pruny from all the watery adventures!
Unbeknownst to them, Smuggle and Duggle had likewise crammed themselves into a barrel and travelled with the rest, quietly gloating over how sneaksy and tricksy the Frogs were . . .
. . . until the Fellowship reached the great Elven kingdom of Riddledale!
"Son of a Stinkbug!" muttered the twins in utter defeat as a hundred arrows were pointed in their faces by the fair haired kin of Lady Ahavarwen.
And that night, under the bright Evenstar, a mighty council was held around a fire pit on Lord Melrond's patio. Cans of Brandy Wine River ® Brew were chugged and the refreshment was much appreciated.
"Rest up while you can," said Melrond from the throne of branches she sat in. "Tomorrow, you must be on your way, for The One Poem ™ needs to be destroyed by April Thirtieth or all will be lost."
"Then let us be rid of it now!" cried Cool Dude Merry as he raised his guitar and brought it down upon the Poem. The guitar exploded into bits of wood and string, sending Merry flying backward into the nearest lilac bush.
"The One Poem ™ can not be destroyed by any craft we posess, " said the Dark Knight. "It must be cast into the fires of Mount Dumb, from where it was forged."
"Which is no easy task!" continued Melrond. "The volcanic mountain is located in the lands of Moarder, which is guarded by the ever watchful Eye of DUPon."
"Uhh ... um ... uh," DUGlo stuttered in confusion, "isn't that your girlfriend?"
"Yes," the Dark Knight replied, sighing in despair.
"And she can only be restored to her original Arachniddy form by first destroying the Poem," said Melrond.
"We knows a secret way into Moarder!" gurgled Smuggle and Duggle, who were currently handcuffed to The Lawn Gnome of Whimsy. "We promises to help you if you take pity on us and frees us afterwards!"
"Then it is settled," said PRadriel. "Let's get all these smelly-bottomed Dwarves washed up with soap for a change and be ready to ride by morning."
Rosie Grace promised to have a buffet of delicious donuts and puffy pastries waiting for everyone at dawn!
That night, DUGlo Baggins could hardly shut his eyes. The anxiety was overwhelming. He was wrapped in an Elvish cloak to keep from blinding everyone else with his amplified luminescence. That Phial water he drank was some potent stuff, yet to wear off.
"Everything will turn our alright, Mister DUGlo," said Satin Gamjeez, patting his employer on the head. "It always does, year after year. Everyone with the determination and the fire of poetry within them always makes it to the finish line of NaPoWriMo. You'll see."
"I hope you're right, Satin," DUGlo said. He drifted into an uneasy sleep filled with dreams of his fellow Fellowshippers in peril - all because of his lousy choice of yard sale acquisitions.
EPISODE 12/30
Dear Fellowshippers & Lord Melrond,
I am thankful to everyone for their help and hospitality, but I really must insist upon going to Mount Dumb by myself. There is no need for any more people to put themselves in harm's way. I regret to inform you that I am leaving now. For your own good, I would appreciate it if you did not follow me.
Sincerely,
DUGlo Baggins
p.s. Please give John Ronald an extra carrot. You say goodbye to him for me.
When Ahavarwen was finished reading the letter they found in DUGlo's room, everyone grimaced at the notion of the pleasant Glowyrm wandering through Muddle Earth ALONE. Many a Dwarf fond of the little bugger had tears in their eyes and beards.
"But, wait ... there's more," said Jaragorn, producing another letter not even she was aware of.
Dear Rosie, Dwarves, Elves, & Mister Ganjosh,
Mister DUGlo has foolishly gone off into the wilderness ALONE. Not to worry! I'm going after him and promise to take good care of him. Gotta run!
Yours Truly,
Satin Gamjeez
"Oh, for Took's sake!" grumbled Rosie Grace. "It will be like the blind leading the blind." Once upon a time she had to rescue DUGlo AND Satin, who both managed to get lost inside the Macy's located inside of the Wyrmington Heights Shopping mall.
"Cough ... ahem ... cough ..."
Lunalass, smirkingly clearing her throat, waved about another letter.
Dear Friends of DUGlo,
I'm taking the liberty of following Mister Gamjeez who is following Mister Baggins. I will make certain they destroy The One Poem ™. It is in everyone's best interest if you all journeyed to the Two Point O Towers in order to liberate the Eye of DUPon so she won't see us enter the lands of Moardor and inform MOAR!ON of our plan. If you see my signal up in the clouds, that's precisely when you should distract her.
Cordially Yours,
THE DARK KNIGHT!
What a production this whole Fellowship quest was turning into!
Time was of the essence. Everyone packed up their belongings and climbed onto their miniature Donkeys. Lord Melrond waved goodbye to Riddledale, for she was joining the Fellowship as well. And it was a good excuse for her not stay behind and clean up the bathhouse where the Dwarves bathed. Heavens, did they foul up the crystal waters and leave a ring around the tub.
Smuggle and Duggle were furious over being outsmarted as they were duct taped to John Ronald's bridal and brought along the journey.
"Tricksy, false Batmanses and Wyrmses!" they whined. "They takes the Precious Poem again and again and ruins our lives! But ... we'll get them, won't we? YES, we will! We knows of a dark terror that dwells in the forest near the Two Point O Towers. Stooopid Fellowshipperses won't know what hits them!"
Greetings, Great Poets of the Fellowship! If the Elves have presented you a bow along with your wreathed crown you may safely enter Day 12! We can see the Halfway Mark right across from that valley, which will take about three days to trek! Stay with us now! You got this!
EPISODE 13/30
During the journey to the Two Point O Towers, the Dwarves asked many questions. Like,
Why is it so important for The One Poem ™ to be destroyed?!
"Because," said Lady Ahavarwen, "no one should be limited in regards to how poetry is written. An ABAB rhyme scheme in itself is not poetic, but MOAR!ON was convinced otherwise after being tutored by the Dark God, Blogmoth."
Ohhh! The very name sent shudders throughout the Fellowship.
"Yes," confirmed Jaragorn. "Blogmoth was extremely jealous of the wonderfully creative atmosphere the other gods had created in Muddle Earth, so he concocted a way of posioning it all. The Dark God disguised himself as a Poetic Guru who charged MOAR!ON an ungodly amount of gold coins in exhange for being tutored. It was actually a Pyramid Scheme. When it came time for MOAR!ON to pass on the knowledge he had gained, no one was interested. He had been DUPed bigtime."
Lord Melrond continued the tale, for she had lived through the Dark Age of Literature. "MOAR!ON was always afflicted with greed. He thirsted for fame as well as fortune. And when he discovered he couldn't make a fortune selling his verse or charging peope how to craft their own, he forced everyone else in Muddle Earth to write only ABAB rhymes."
"Everything changed for the better when the Spiderweb Mistress and the Dark Knight joined forces to end MOAR!ON's reign of terror," said Gandosh. "Hope was rekindled across the realm. Elves, Dwarves, Wyrms, and Men became united in a common goal to rid Literature of the likes of MOAR!ON and his minions."
PRadriel ended the lecture by saying, "And now that MOAR!ON has resurfaced, he is using the Eye of DUPon to search Muddle Earth for The One Poem ™. His actions will prove to be his own undoing, for liberating the Spiderweb Mistress will effectively blind him to DUGlo entering the lands of Moardor."
"Umm ... guys?" said Rosie Grace. "We lost the Dwarves about a half mile back when they saw something shiny in the Entwood Forest. You might as well have been talking to the wind."
Lunalass grumbled, yet her smirk was unphased, "Ughh ... dealing with Dwarves is like herding cats. Remind me why we brought so many of them along with us?"
"No worries," said Cool Merry Dude. "I will call draw them back here with my magical flute." He pulled out a foot-long reed and played a soothing melody.
Except the only thing that came out of the woods was a rather large groundhog the size of a Greyhound Bus.
Merry snapped his reed in half and tossed the fragments over his shoulders. "It wasn't me," he casually insisted while backing his donkey up.
"Oh, f-f-f-fa-fudge," remarked Gimlyroo, stutteering. "Were ... wood ... ch-ch-chu-chuck ..."
"There," said Summdir, innocently pointing. "There. Woodchuck."
And when reality finally sank in, they all cried together, "WEREWOODCHUCK!"
Greetings, Great Poets of the Fellowship! We've lost a fellow Poetess and another still is in critical condition! Take a few moments to honor Val, who is having some personal issues. She put forth a valiant effort, and there is no failure in that!
Also, put forth good vibes for brokenpoet2020, who seems to be AWOL!
If you have a fairy guide, then she is ready to lead you onward toward the halfway mark! You've almost made it, Fellowshippers: the peak of the mountain! All downhill after that!
Stay with us!
EPISODE 14/30
"We can go no further," said the Dark Knight, "or we risk being seen by the Eye of DUPon." So, in the shadows of the Musty Moutains, they made camp within Stanza Valley.
"If only we could become invisible!" said Satin Gamjeez as he built a fire before cooking dinner. "Then we could stroll right into Moardor and up to Mount Dumb without a care in the world. Now wouldn't that be some trick, Mister DUGlo?"
But the Glowyrm was far away in thought. His plan of destroying The One Poem ™ by himself was a bust. Was it really such a bad thing though? During difficult challenges, wasn't it better to be in good company and have a support system? Was it a mistake to have left the others behind?
DUGlo began to feel he had let them down.
On the other hand, he was glowing so darn bright that it was a risk for anyone to travel with him at night! The likelihood of him being found was too great. As it was, he was putting the lives of Satin and the Dark Knight in terrible peril.
"Did you hear that Mister DUGlo?" asked Satin as he peeled a large poe-tay-toe. "Mister Dark Knight says once upon a time, the Spiderweb Mistress was not just one eye, but she actually had eight eyes!"
"You don't say?" the Glowyrm asked, still somewhat distracted.
* * * * * * * * * * *
"I prefer the term Weregroundhog," said the giant, furry creature.
"It's talking!" said Gimlyroo. "Why, this is a thing unheard of!"
The oversized groundhog stood up like a man, put a paw to its hip, and replied matter of factly, "What? Like, did you think I would just be like some animal runnin around the forest grunting, chuckin wood, and diggin holes in the ground? By the way, I'm not "its". Like, I happen to have a real name. Its Harry. No, not Its Harry. Just, Harry"
Smuggle spat out at his brother in a harsh whisper, "Ballses! That's the last time I listen to you silly, stooopid Tadpole brain! You said there was a dark terror living near the Towerses. You said it was a bloodthirsty Badger! Does that look like a Badger to you?!"
"Kind of," replied Duggle, shrugging his duct taped shoulders. "Maybe a bit like a Beaver?"
His brother shook his head in utter defeat. Given every scheme of theirs had backfired so far, they might as well kiss the Precious Poem goodbye.
The ginormous woodland being talked to the Fellowship briefly around a campfire while they waited for the Dwarves to catch up.
Eerowyn noted the creature's peculiar language skills and asked, "Why is he saying the word like so often?"
"Harry is a Likenthrope," replied Ahavarwen. "His ancestors were cursed by MOAR!ON to have great difficulty making direct metaphors. The curse causes them to create comparisons instead."
"He's also a Lycanthrope," interjected Jaragorn. "Originally, Lycanthropes were Men who were afflicted with a disease that caused them to shapeshift into Wolves. The disease was then passed onto any person or creature who survived being bitten. Harry is one of the little Groundhog-folks and someone in his family must have been bitten at some point."
"Hellooo? Like, dudes, I'm standing right here," said the beast.
"And being both a Likenthrope and a Lycanthrope makes him Homophonous as well," added PRadriel.
"Alright," said Harry in a huff. "Let's not make this personal."
====================
http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Badger-folk
https://www.google.com/search?q=homophonous
Greetings, Great Poets! You are only one day away from the halfway mark! Unfortunately, we've discovered another poet has fallen and yet another injured.
We know you're tired! If the Wood Elves have provided you a shot of their * special * energy drink to get you to that halfway mark tomorrow, you may proceed energized into Day 14!
If the forward path seems too challenging, look behind you and see how far you've come! You got this; and we've got you! Stay with us now!
