A huge THANK YOU! to those who paid tribute to the poets featured in our Classic Corner challenges these past 12 months.
Call it emulation
, we seek the essence of the classic author in the entrant's own style - not just replacing words of existing poems, but writing as though they WERE those writers!
Our Classic Corner Champions, as we like to refer to them, work HARD, and it shows in their writing. They study and deliver fresh, inspired poetry. We recognize that effort and award accordingly, judging other factors on a scale of 1-5 including but not limited to spelling, grammar, punctuation, form, and content. The most important question we ask ourselves is this: did we feel like we were reading a classic poet?
All that being said, congratulations to the following winners of the Second Annual Classic Corner Championship Male Division. SECOND PLACE
: The plum pit in decantered wine
In Dirge Without Music
by Edna St. Vincent Millay, the narrator refuses to embrace the concept of death. Her dirge for many a departed loved one is a vocalized rebellion, rather than a celebration accompanied by music that might occur during the accustomed funeral.
Firstly, let's address the technical aspects of your entry.
The soot on the mantle,
all along your heavy gothic lies,
you mixed thick and decantered, in
glass of Maias' lovely black eyes. 1
1. You have two independent statements occupying one sentence that is prolongued with excess commas. Your choice of correction is to either seperate it into two sentences or revise into one sentence. Here is one of many possible single sentence revisions retaining your rhyme scheme: The soot on the mantle,
where your heavy gothic lies
is mixed thick and glass decantered
as if Maias' lovely black eyes.
We made the arrangements,
and set them brotherly between the King 2
and a spaniel's smile. under curtain lace 2 , 3
and the last of Victoria's light she brings. 2 , 4
2. You have 3 instances of "and", which is not really a big deal, but . . .
3. While you have two sentences, the latter is incomplete.
4. This reads vague because "she" can be attributed to either "Victoria" or "Maia" who appeared earlier.
All of this can be resolved by converting the entire stanza into a single sentence, of which would then benefit by removing at least 1 "and".
Here is one possible revision that retains your rhyme scheme: We made the arrangements
in the last light Victoria brings
and under curtain lace, set them brotherly
between spaniel's smile and the King.
They paid the mill-wright lawfully, careful 5
to lay black feather of pig iron and lead.
A sunken blackbird, dead in cursing, wrought
and melting ore,
where flees the black angel from his bed.
5. A hyphen is not required in "millwright".
As always, we look to see if you are giving your readers enough to work with so there is little mystery leftover after the initial reading.
When you could be making the most of your wording, you immediately present a title that leaves us wondering about its relevance. The meaning of the plum pit is never explained.
Maia, in ancient Greek religion, is one of the Pleiades and the mother of Hermes. And she is described as having "lovely black eyes". Those unfamiliar with Greek mythology are left to guess who Maia is and what her relationship is to the narrator.
A general definition of a millwright is a high-precision craftsman or skilled tradesman who works with machinery. What function does such a person play in the near death or death of "the King"?
As always, your poetry is a feast for the imagination, but you are also over-burdening the reader with the task of having to make connections that are not present in the poem itself. KING and FIRST PLACE
: The Gavotte
by slipalong American smooth
by Rita Dove at its core is a criticism about marriage or the exclusive relationship being taken way too seriously that dancing with a partner is no longer fun - too much emphasis is placed on how it should be!
Slip, you emulated that essence uniquely from a male partner's perspective in a dance.
Here are the technical aspects of this poem that need to be addressed.
Was I so disgraced?- I bowed, 1 , 2
she curtseyed low.
In two lines like troops would be
bedecked, alive with pageantry.
Like marionettes, in straightjackets
spinning to the harpsichord.
Fiddle's bow that courts a maid.
Music of tittle-tattle, behind fans 3
Rules of engagement,
the long drawn battle plans.
Drawn, by tight strung corsetry 3
Swords ever keen,
ready for the action.
shaped romance, in relief.
Paper cut out courtisanes.
Plagiarised, a work by Edgar Degas 3
Dizziness came through atmosphere.
Corns that pinched so tight. 1
Save me from this choreograph 3
I bowed and smiled, so polite! 1
the rhythm's to enchant my life. 1 ,4
1. These lines have unnecessary extra spaces.
2. The dash is not necessary
3. Missing an endstop.
4. The beginning of the line is not capitalized. A hearty round of applause to everyone else who braved the Championships!
Congratulations to everyone for quality entries; thank you again for honoring the classics. We hope to see you in next year's Classic Corner Champion challenges beginning June 1st, 2021 where we honor W.H. Auden and Margaret Atwood!
And don't forget - registration for NaPoWrimo 2021 begins March 1st!