Poetry competition CLOSED 1st February 2021 6:35pm
WINNER
slipalong
View Profile Poems by slipalong
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RUNNER-UP: nomoth

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Classic Corner Championship: Male Division

JohnnyBlaze
JohnnyBlaze
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 20th Mar 2015
Forum Posts: 5505

Poetry Contest

Classic Corner Championship: Male Division

Co-hosted by Ahavati & JohnnyBlaze

Welcome to our second annual Classic Corner Champion Male Division challenge, of which the winner will be crowned our 2020 King of the Classics and will be awarded a specially designed trophy as well as be featured across our website and social network accounts with links back to your DU profile.

Firstly, while any DU member may enter as long as they adhere by the guidelines, only participants of the Classic Corner Comps qualify to receive any award. If your name is on the lists below, you qualify!

Female qualifyers:

Imperfected_Stone
Jade-Pandora
eswaller
mel44
PoetsRevenge
nightbirdblue
jemac
Amorous_tryst
summultima
yelluw_always
Rachelleundrgrd
Black-kwacha
sophie_ericson
DevlinDLC
imogeequeen
MysticalRose
delanee
PandoraUnleashed
classybird
EdibleWords
calamityofgin
TCLilly
DaisyGrace
Eerie
Honoria
LunaGreyhawk
buddhakitty
LilDragonFly
Poems4me
Valeriyabeyond

Male qualifyers:

Vandel_Viaclovsky
Hepcat61
Josh
Blackwolf
Oshinome
KGERICD
ReggiePoet
Taurus385
Slipalong
AdamW
Switchblade
runaway-mindtrain
wallyroo92
snugglebuck
gothicsurrealism
SatinUGal
NewBeginnings
blinkers55
JusTim_
nomoth
highlyfunctional
badmalthus
Commentonly
rabbitquest
AspbergerPoet56
BobbyJames
case28
russel_snow
javalini
Sex_on_the_Joe
anvinvil
Tallen

Secondly, wait ... why the two lists above?

We want you to feel comfortable participating in the comp of your choice. If you are on either list, but identify with being a male, then this is your comp.

If you identify with being female, then only submit entries to the Female Division comp posted by Ahavati here:

https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11706/

Thirdly, you are allowed to submit a maximum of 2 entries emulating any of the classic/modern poets that have been featured during the year 2020 ( make certain they've been featured! ).

We will judge which is the best of your two entries to ensure that three individuals have an opportunity to qualify for the Crown and placements.

Fourthly, what does it mean to emulate? We want YOU to make everyone believe your poem was written by one of these poets. Write as though you were that poet!

Fifthly, the RULES!

1. Each entry must NEW and only two entries per DUP persona allowed. Keep this thread clean of everything but entries until after the awards announcement is made. Comment on entries directly to the member's page if you feel moved to. Post any questions or concerns about the comp in the Classic Corner Discussion thread @
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/speakeasy/read/10855/

2. No extreme erotica*; this is open to all ages and can't be viewed with an ECW ( Extreme Content Warning ). * Extreme Erotica would be considered visual imagery which would depict any type of sexual activity as well as the direct naming of body parts, i.e. - nipples, pussy, cock, et al.

3. No exact word limit; however, attempt to keep it no more than 250 - 300 UNLESS the inspirational poem is longer.  

4. Any form is acceptable ( but studying the poet is advised ). While we accept Spoken Word and Visual Poems, please include a text version in your submissions.  

5. You MUST tag your entries with the poet's theme, such as #LordByron. No theme is an automatic disqualification.

6. In your poem's Author Notes box, provide the title of and a direct link to the one poem by that inspired yours. Failure to not include this information will automatically disqualify your entry.  Without such, we have no way of determining if you were truly inspired by said poet or simply swapped fresh words into his existing poetry ( which is a form of plagiarism ). This is a requirement regardless if you include a copy of the inspiration poem along with your entry or borrow its title.

7. You may edit your entry up until the moment the competition closes and is locked for judging. In fact, we highly encourage you take a few minutes to review your entry to ensure that it is error free in terms of spelling, grammar, and punctuation, and adheres to these guidelines.

Comp will be judged by Ahavati & JohnnyBlaze. As in the past and in the event there is a tie, we will call in third ( and possibly fourth ) judge.

You have one month; best of luck to all entrants!

If you have any questions, please post them to the Classic Corner Discussion thread in the Speakeasy forum:

https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/speakeasy/read/10855/

slipalong
slipalong
Fire of Insight
United Kingdom
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Just a point JB do you mean entries based only on the poets featured 2020-2021 or all the poets from the competitions commencement

JohnnyBlaze
JohnnyBlaze
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slipalong said:Just a point JB do you mean entries based only on the poets featured 2020-2021 or all the poets from the competitions commencement

Only the poets featured between 2020 and 2021. Thank you for addressing this, Slip. It was overlooked in a last minute rewording of the comp guidelines.
I'll edit it in.

nomoth
nomoth
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The plum pit in decantered wine

The soot on the mantle,    
all along your heavy gothic lies,    
you mixed thick and decantered, in    
glass of Maias' lovely black eyes.    
     
We made the arrangements,    
and set them brotherly between the King    
and a spaniel's smile. under curtain lace    
and the last of Victoria's light she brings.    
     
They paid the mill-wright lawfully, careful    
to lay black feather of pig iron and lead.    
A sunken blackbird, dead in cursing, wrought    
 and melting ore,  
where flees the black angel from his bed.    
Written by nomoth
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slipalong
slipalong
Fire of Insight
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The Gavotte

Was I so  disgraced?- I bowed,
she curtseyed low.
In two lines like troops would be
bedecked, alive with pageantry.
Like marionettes, in straightjackets
spinning to the harpsichord.
Fiddle's bow that courts a maid.
Music of tittle-tattle, behind fans
Rules of engagement,  
the long drawn battle plans.
Drawn, by tight strung corsetry
Swords ever keen,
ready for the action.
Bouncing, skipping,
shaped romance, in relief.
Paper cut out courtisanes.
Plagiarised, a work by Edgar Degas
Dizziness came through atmosphere.  
 Corns that pinched so tight.  
Save me from this choreograph
 I bowed and smiled, so polite!  
the rhythm's  to enchant my life.
 
Tribute to ( American smooth) by Rita Dove
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/54773/american-smooth
Written by slipalong
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JohnnyBlaze
JohnnyBlaze
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CCComp Peeps, the clock is a tock ticking. Less than 24 hours remains! And if you've already entered, be sure to double check your entry(s) for errors and to make sure everything adheres to the guidelines.

JohnnyBlaze
JohnnyBlaze
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A huge THANK YOU! to those who paid tribute to the poets featured in our Classic Corner challenges these past 12 months.

Call it emulation, we seek the essence of the classic author in the entrant's own style - not just replacing words of existing poems, but writing as though they WERE those writers!

Our Classic Corner Champions, as we like to refer to them, work HARD, and it shows in their writing. They study and deliver fresh, inspired poetry. We recognize that effort and award accordingly, judging other factors on a scale of 1-5 including but not limited to spelling, grammar, punctuation, form, and content. The most important question we ask ourselves is this:  did we feel like we were reading a classic poet?

All that being said, congratulations to the following winners of the Second Annual Classic Corner Championship Male Division.

SECOND PLACE: The plum pit in decantered wine by nomoth

In Dirge Without Music by Edna St. Vincent Millay, the narrator refuses to embrace the concept of death. Her dirge for many a departed loved one is a vocalized rebellion, rather than a celebration accompanied by music that might occur during the accustomed funeral.

Firstly, let's address the technical aspects of your entry.

The soot on the mantle,    
all along your heavy gothic lies,    
you mixed thick and decantered, in    
glass of Maias' lovely black eyes. 1   

1. You have two independent statements occupying one sentence that is prolongued with excess commas. Your choice of correction is to either seperate it into two sentences or revise into one sentence.  Here is one of many possible single sentence revisions retaining your rhyme scheme:

The soot on the mantle,    
where your heavy gothic lies    
is mixed thick and glass decantered   
as if Maias' lovely black eyes.

     
We made the arrangements,    
and set them brotherly between the King 2   
and a spaniel's smile. under curtain lace 2 , 3  
and the last of Victoria's light she brings. 2 , 4

2.  You have 3 instances of "and", which is not really a big deal, but . . .
3.  While you have two sentences, the latter is incomplete.
4.  This reads vague because "she" can be attributed to either "Victoria" or "Maia" who appeared earlier.
All of this can be resolved by converting the entire stanza into a single sentence, of which would then benefit by removing at least 1 "and".
Here is one possible revision that retains your rhyme scheme:
We made the arrangements
in the last light Victoria brings
and under curtain lace, set them brotherly
between spaniel's smile and the King.

 
They paid the mill-wright lawfully, careful 5    
to lay black feather of pig iron and lead.    
A sunken blackbird, dead in cursing, wrought    
 and melting ore,  
where flees the black angel from his bed.

5.  A hyphen is not required in "millwright".

As always, we look to see if you are giving your readers enough to work with so there is little mystery leftover after the initial reading.

When you could be making the most of your wording, you immediately present a title that leaves us wondering about its relevance. The meaning of the plum pit is never explained.

Maia, in ancient Greek religion, is one of the Pleiades and the mother of Hermes. And she is described as having "lovely black eyes". Those unfamiliar with Greek mythology are left to guess who Maia is and what her relationship is to the narrator.

A general definition of a millwright is a high-precision craftsman or skilled tradesman who works with machinery. What function does such a person play in the near death or death of "the King"?

As always, your poetry is a feast for the imagination, but you are also over-burdening the reader with the task of having to make connections that are not present in the poem itself.

KING and FIRST PLACE: The Gavotte by slipalong

American smooth by Rita Dove at its core is a criticism about marriage or the exclusive relationship being taken way too seriously that dancing with a partner is no longer fun - too much emphasis is placed on how it should be!

Slip, you emulated that essence uniquely from a male partner's perspective in a dance.

Here are the technical aspects of this poem that need to be addressed.

Was I so  disgraced?- I bowed, 1 , 2
she curtseyed low.
In two lines like troops would be
bedecked, alive with pageantry.
Like marionettes, in straightjackets
spinning to the harpsichord.
Fiddle's bow that courts a maid.
Music of tittle-tattle, behind fans 3
Rules of engagement,  
the long drawn battle plans.
Drawn, by tight strung corsetry 3
Swords ever keen,
ready for the action.
Bouncing, skipping,
shaped romance, in relief.
Paper cut out courtisanes.
Plagiarised, a work by Edgar Degas 3
Dizziness came through atmosphere.  
Corns that pinched so tight.  1
Save me from this choreograph 3
I bowed and smiled, so polite!  1
the rhythm's  to enchant my life. 1 ,4

1.  These lines have unnecessary extra spaces.
2.  The dash is not necessary
3.  Missing an endstop.
4.  The beginning of the line is not capitalized.

A hearty round of applause to everyone else who braved the Championships!

Congratulations to everyone for quality entries; thank you again for honoring the classics.  We hope to see you in next year's Classic Corner Champion challenges beginning June 1st, 2021 where we honor W.H. Auden and Margaret Atwood!

And don't forget - registration for NaPoWrimo 2021 begins March 1st!




slipalong
slipalong
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United Kingdom
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Thanks for the great honour, I tried my best with the punctuation and grammar. I would have been satisfied with a runners up had there been more entries. I struggled with  most of the poets last year. I realise there has been many distractions by the chatter on the site  Trump. Biden, COVID any improvement ? in my work is solely down to your joint support, thumbs UP

JohnnyBlaze
JohnnyBlaze
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slipalong said:Thanks for the great honour, I tried my best with the punctuation and grammar. I would have been satisfied with a runners up had there been more entries. I struggled with  most of the poets last year. I realise there has been many distractions by the chatter on the site  Trump. Biden, COVID any improvement ? in my work is solely down to your joint support, thumbs UP

Slip, we appreciate you greatly. Like a soldier, you have reported for duty every month, putting your best foot forward. You are a true poet through and through, and we are honored to have played a role in your development.  

nomoth
nomoth
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Congrats Slip, great work and well deserved even though there was only the two of us.

Thanks so much Johnny again for the critique and the time spent improving my poem, which you most certainly did. I am going to go over again your points and make the changes, it works so much better.

Appreciated so much  as I learn something each time.

JohnnyBlaze
JohnnyBlaze
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You are welcome, nomoth. Always a pleasure to read your entries!

Ahavati
Ahavati
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nomoth said:Congrats Slip, great work and well deserved even though there was only the two of us.

Thanks so much Johnny again for the critique and the time spent improving my poem, which you most certainly did. I am going to go over again your points and make the changes, it works so much better.

Appreciated so much  as I learn something each time.


nomoth you're a true gentleman and a noble poet. Congratulations on your placement, and to you, King Slipalong.

PoetsRevenge
PoetsRevenge
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Congrats, Slipalong for winning the crest, and Nomoth for runner up, your poems were such your own unique interpretations of the classics that very much highlight your own distinctive styles.  You've both had a lot of quality entries this past year and its been great participating with you :)

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