I was walking home alone late one night,
With cool clear skies under a pale full moon,
Thinking to myself: Why am I walking again?
I really need to get my car repaired soon.
And sure enough as I was passing by the park,
A sexy woman came out from behind some trees,
I said to myself “motherf… I’m in trouble now”
But I tried to play it cool and remained at ease.
“Hey, do you have a light” she said coming closer,
“I don’t smoke m’am” I replied when she was near,
“Are you alone tonight?” she asked curiously,
“Not again”, I thought but this time I had no fear.
I said “look, last week I got bit by a vampire,
I’m not trying get in trouble with my spouse,
The last encounter was surreal so please,
I don’t want to get put in the doghouse.”
“Why did you say dog?” she said upset,
Her eyes were beginning to glow in the dark,
And I, entranced by some magical spell,
Felt my feet failing me to get out of the park.
Just then the moonlight shined on her face,
As she began to writhe, thrash and convulse,
“Are you OK?” I said watching this take place,
Then the veins in her temples began to pulse.
“I don’t think that's a sign of Rona” I said softly,
I mean I was social distancing though I wanted to run,
However I was trying to be a Good Samaritan,
So I said “You’re having a stroke! I’ll call 9-1-1!”
Then she let out a blood curling chilling scream,
More like a howl, or a growl deep from hell,
And I like a dumbass stuck around trying to help,
Until her face and upper body started to swell.
She looked up at the moon, her features distorted,
Growing hair everywhere as if she was a were…
No, it couldn’t be, not two weeks in a row?
As she transformed it gave me a good scare.
“Fuck this I’m out” I said trying to run away,
But I felt her chasing me through the park,
And when I turned to look at her again,
Her eyes were now glowing in the dark.
By then her nails had turned to huge claws,
As she jumped and pinned me underneath,
The pretty pout she had turned into a snout,
With a salivating mouth full of sharp teeth.
There I was on floor ready to go see the Lord,
When I felt a small tree branch by my hand,
I picked up the stick and hit her in the nose with it,
Then she tilted her head as if trying to understand.
“You want the stick, stick, stick, stick stupid!”
She sat with her tongue wagging, it was just my luck,
I threw it into the street and she went after it,
But she got hit by an oncoming speeding truck.
I heard her yelp, but this time I didn’t help,
Instead I ran my ass home as fast as I could,
I still had to explain to my wife why I was late,
But hey it’s Halloween so she understood.
What’s this? A scratch…