REGRETS

( a femme fatale )

I only wanted to be of
pleasurable service in the world,
wafting through the spas, and
bedrooms of movie stars, lovers
and international intrigue.

But the pandemic,
in its flush of counting bodies
and taking names, brought
circumstance down to the
lowest common denominator.

I’m a sociable mindset that
brought light to haunt depths
both day and night, no matter
how close or corrupt.

A slender silhouette of scent
moving sly among the crowd
without precaution between
my arched look of menace,

and COVID 19’s indifference
what you don’t believe will kill you.
Yet I’m still the more fatal
of the two after cabin fever.

When the next spike hits,
and it will, no matter
distancing on the beach,
or the yacht strung with lights
a mile out from the marina,
where the party has already
begun below deck.

I regret I won’t be attending,
but that won’t stop you.
I regret that as well.

I am sorry that I had you stay for too long
Because the truth is that you really belong
To someone else. I was hanging onto our
Love for eternity and as the midnight hour
Came in the light I could not keep clinging
On for dear life anymore as it kept raining.

Whatever sunlight and happiness we once
Faded away. The days turning into months
And the months turning into years meant
Nothing if the love we had was totally bent
Out of shape or empty. I am sorry for all of
The times I could have been able to love

Sometime else. I am sorry for making you
And me feel like we really had a chance to
Make everything work. I am sorry for all
The hope or wishful thinking. As the wall
Kept crumbling and falling I am sorry for
Fixing it instead of having the next door

Open and walking through it. I am sorry
For wanting to rebuild the clear and starry
Sky instead of me realizing that it was not
Meant to be repaired in the end. I forgot
That love does not come to everyone just
As easily. The easiness of love and trust

Was fully gone as I kept dragging our love
Through the cold dirt and muck instead of
Letting it grow and blossom like it should
Have done from the start. Where I stood
Then is different than where I stand now.
I should have let you take your last bow

And make your final exit, but you lingered
Still. Let me lift my finger off the trigger
As the regrets swarm and cloud my head.
I have laid my regrets and made my bed.
Let me feel all the peace flow in my veins
Free me from all these heavy bloodstains.