Poetry competition CLOSED 1st August 2020 5:17pm
WINNER
nomoth
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RUNNERS-UP: wallyroo92 and PoetsRevenge

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I know the Face of Falsehood and Her Tongue

Ahavati
Ahavati
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Other notes: ( continued from the previous page of winner announcements )

Tallen,  Dusk on the Desert

Millay's 'Inspiration on a Hill' was an undisturbed appreciation of nature from an observer, i.e. - 'touch a hundred flowers and not pick one' and ' look at cliffs and clouds with quiet eyes'.  She's honoring the presence of nature without interfering in its course, even in voice, she is silent.  Yours definitely contains the essence of natural appreciation. The imagery was lovely and sparked a mystery.  You were both 'themed' and listed the inspirational poem. Well done on that.

Where yours fell short was the extraneous words throughout, particular the final stanza with the repetition of me, then 'my' throughout the verse. As the poem was in the first person, the continual usage of pronouns was a bit redundant in our opinion. This inched you out of third place.


LilDragonFly,  Final Flicker

Millay's 'First Fig' is a short, first person poem which metaphorically reflects living what short life she is has to the fullest, i.e. — My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; . . .'. Her intent is to fulfill that goal despite the influence of enemies or friends, i.e. 'But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—It gives a lovely light!'  Millay not only conveys the current moment through the verb 'burns'; but, the future as well, i.e. - 'It will not last the night.' Despite the diminishing flames which will inevitably meet in the middle and burn out with one huge flash, that is of no consequence to her. What matters to her is the now, and that she shines while she can.  

In just so few words Millay has learned the secret of life and taken it by both horns without worry such a lifestyle will shorten it. On the contrary, she is enjoying every moment.

Yours is written from a narrative observation, or, as your theme suggested, admiration. You compare a woman's personality to a candle whose light is lovely. That the personality then did so "twist" and "blend" suggests her personality conformed rather than enhanced or stood out in her surroundings. We felt this somewhat contradicted Millay's steadfast stance despite friend or foe in the inspiration poem. Millay was not one to conform.

Rather than illuminating day and night, "blend" would suggest she was more of a chameleon, while "twist" simply falls flat.  

The title "Final Flicker" then suggests, according to metaphor, she came to an end. But nowhere in the poem itself is there such a thing as was Millay's reference to burning both ends not lasting the night.  

When using so few words, one must make the best of them.  And lastly, you were not 'themed' as the guideline required. Please feel free to edit your themes and add #EdnaStVincentMillay.

Thank you for your entry and supporting the classics.

AspergerPoet, If Edna Wrote

It's really a shame you only attempted to emulate Millay vs actually emulating one of her poems. We feel you could've really portrayed a genuine essence befitting her.  We hope you will continue to support the classics in the future by selecting an inspirational poem which would put you in a position to win, or at least place.

We are certain Millay would've been mortified at current day events and expressed them as much. Thank you for your entry.

Honoria, Time and Its False Hope of Healing

You certainly can tell you read Millay's inspirational poem “Time does not bring relief; you all have lied” in regards to pain that does not seem to heal.  In this case, Millay is definitely referring to either unrequited love or the death of a lover, not to mention the age-old adage she refers to in her title ( whilst calling those who have reminded her of such liars )!  Her open-endedness allowed the reader to fill in their own narrative according to their own personal experiences in regards to lost loves.

You do a good job of echoing Millay being frustrated and fed up. Also, your perspective is unique, in that you have turned in unto yourself vs another party. Is that because it's your usual self torture in progress, or are you truly channeling Millay's poem and are disenchanted with love of yourself? We're unsure.

On a technical level:  the 2 dashes in the final stanza are being used incorrectly in the sense they aren't necessary; the semicolon in Stanza 1 isn't necessary; and the formatting is off ( uncertain if you use a phone or PC ). While the lightness and emptiness is an interesting theme, the final stanza has three instances of "my", thus redundancy. . .

You were definitely a contender in essence; however, would've been a shoo-in had you taken a few minutes to polish it up.  Thank you for supporting the classics; we hope to see your future return.

slipalong, Miscarriage

In the inspirational poem of Millay's, Ashes of Life, she once again ( as in many of her love-themed poems ) describes the desolation of a lost love. And, once again, we are uncertain if it's unrequited love, or the death of a lover. This desolation consumes her both night and day, being that during the day she wishes for night to sleep; but, come night she lies awake, unable to rest. She furthers this feeling by highlighting how the neighbors come and go, and in general, the world continues despite the pain of absence she feels.

Your Miscarriage was a heartfelt write from the perspective of losing a child. While the loss is prevalent, it's also different in nature that only those who have lost a child can relate to.  Whereas Millay's unrequited or the death of a lover almost everyone could relate to depending on their circumstance. How many have not lost a lover in some form they have lamented?

Yours was very moving; however, the essence was off from Millay's. We hope you will continue to participate in the classics, and thank you for your contribution.

Again, thank you all for participating in the classics! We hope to see you in this month's featuring Gwendolyn Brooks and Ocean Vuong, a Classic and Modern poet who created/is creating waves in poetic waters.

nomoth
nomoth
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Big big thank you. It is such a pleasure to discover someone like Millay and fall for them completely, even someone outside my own style and form. so it was a stretch I very much enjoyed to explore, particularly the use of rhyme, where to make it flow naturally and unforced as Millay magically does, was one the things for me to tackle. Her deep resonances of course I responded to innately so this means a lot to me. your critique as always, encouraging and thoughtful and moving and I will take it with a big smile and glow.

Big congratulations to wallyroo and PoetsRevenge who wrote again such inspiring, moving pieces and  I am so proud to be in their company. actually all the pieces posted in the comp. deserve attention and credit. woohoo drinks on me tonight.

Ahavati
Ahavati
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You're very welcome, nomoth. It was a very deserving win, and we are thrilled that you discovered a new poet to love! You are right in that all entries were Millay Worthy and deserved the recognition they received.

August's competitions are now live, and we hope to see you all there:

Gwendolyn Brooks
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11510/#492459

Ocean Vuong
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11513/#492462

We hope to see many of you honoring these two amazing poets from the classical and modern realms of the written word.

Also, please vote in this month's poll for next month's featured poets!

https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/speakeasy/read/11514/

PoetsRevenge
PoetsRevenge
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I also enjoyed her rhymes, and trying to emulate them.  She has a style I found to be matter-of-fact, similar to Emily Dickinson,  but more wistful, I guess. The vagueness she imbued is something to aspire to, it was a nice effect.  I really appreciate Ahavati's critique, all the critiques were so astute, it was really helpful to read them.  

Congrats to Nomoth for a wordtastic entry that was vibrant to read, and congrats to Wally for his poignant love introspective.  It was a pleasure to be among such great entries.

Thanks, Ahavati for taking the time to host and judge this with such care and attention, it was great :)

Ahavati
Ahavati
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You're very welcome, PR. These comps are always a joy, especially when we hear how much the entrants enjoyed the featured poets. We walk on the shoulders of giants.

Just a note that Johnny and I do jointly host and judge these ( calling in alternative parties should we reach an impasse ). I think the most discouraging thing for us in regards to these comps are those who work so hard on an entry, then don't quality simply because they didn't theme their poem or list an inspirational poem despite our reminders. . .

JohnnyBlaze
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Ahavati said:You're very welcome, PR. These comps are always a joy, especially when we hear how much the entrants enjoyed the featured poets. We walk on the shoulders of giants.

Just a note that Johnny and I do jointly host and judge these ( calling in alternative parties should we reach an impasse ). I think the most discouraging thing for us in regards to these comps are those who work so hard on an entry, then don't quality simply because they didn't theme their poem or list an inspirational poem despite our reminders. . .


Yes, the comp rules have hardly changed over the years, yet more and more entries are falling by the wayside because guideline adherences isn't being taken seriously as an important factor in the judging.

It's also necessary for us to have direct links to the inspiration poems because our time as hosts and judges is limited; hunting down the inspirations takes time away from commenting, analysis, and note taking.

And anyone familiar with NaPoWriMo knows Ahavati and I rely on rules for the benefit of the participants and to create a great challenge experience.

Josh
Josh
Joshua Bond
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Nice work nomoth; congrats - and to J&B for all that adjudicating & commenting.

Ahavati
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Josh said:Nice work nomoth; congrats - and to J&B for all that adjudicating & commenting.

We missed you this time, Josh! Hopefully you'll be Barack in swing soon.

JohnnyBlaze
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Josh said:Nice work nomoth; congrats - and to J&B for all that adjudicating & commenting.

Ahavati said:

We missed you this time, Josh! Hopefully you'll be Barack in swing soon.


LOLOLOL


Ahavati
Ahavati
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JohnnyBlaze said:

LOLOLOL



OMG!

back* FCS!

LilDragonFly
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As predicted ... congrats to the winners ... well deserved ... thanks to the judges for such considered feedback ...

LilDragonFly
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[quote-492457-Ahavati]Other notes: ( continued from the previous page of winner announcements )

LilDragonFly,  Final Flicker

Millay's 'First Fig' is a short, first person poem which metaphorically reflects living what short life she is has to the fullest, i.e. — My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; . . .'. Her intent is to fulfill that goal despite the influence of enemies or friends, i.e. 'But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—It gives a lovely light!'  Millay not only conveys the current moment through the verb 'burns'; but, the future as well, i.e. - 'It will not last the night.' Despite the diminishing flames which will inevitably meet in the middle and burn out with one huge flash, that is of no consequence to her. What matters to her is the now, and that she shines while she can.  

In just so few words Millay has learned the secret of life and taken it by both horns without worry such a lifestyle will shorten it. On the contrary, she is enjoying every moment.

Yours is written from a narrative observation, or, as your theme suggested, admiration. You compare a woman's personality to a candle whose light is lovely. That the personality then did so "twist" and "blend" suggests her personality conformed rather than enhanced or stood out in her surroundings. We felt this somewhat contradicted Millay's steadfast stance despite friend or foe in the inspiration poem. Millay was not one to conform.

Rather than illuminating day and night, "blend" would suggest she was more of a chameleon, while "twist" simply falls flat.  

The title "Final Flicker" then suggests, according to metaphor, she came to an end. But nowhere in the poem itself is there such a thing as was Millay's reference to burning both ends not lasting the night.  

When using so few words, one must make the best of them.  And lastly, you were not 'themed' as the guideline required. Please feel free to edit your themes and add #EdnaStVincentMillay.

Thank you for your entry and supporting the classics.

Interesting interpretations of Vincent's poem as well as my own ... not quite what I learned in my advanced poetry course ... not the message of my poem at all ... regardless ... thank you for the balanced and positive feedback ... they are key to critiquing poetry

Ahavati
Ahavati
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LOL! You're welcome.

JohnnyBlaze
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LilDragonFly said:As predicted ... congrats to the winners ... well deserved ... thanks to the judges for such considered feedback ...

LilDragonFly said:Interesting interpretations of Vincent's poem as well as my own ... not quite what I learned in my advanced poetry course ... not the message of my poem at all ... regardless ... thank you for the balanced and positive feedback ... they are key to critiquing poetry

Thanks for participating!

LilDragonFly
LilDragonFly
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JohnnyBlaze said:

Thanks for participating!


Thanks for reestablishing a modicum of decorum to the situation ... ... looking forward to the next competition ... I wrote a paper on Gwendoline Brooks for my American American Lit course ... my challenge will be choosing a poem to respond to ...

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