Poetry competition CLOSED 16th June 2020 11:02am
WINNER
DaisyGrace
View Profile Poems by DaisyGrace
trophy
RUNNERS-UP: paperstains and Valeriyabeyond

Go to page:

Erotica (without the mess)

paperstains
paperstains
Thought Provoker
3awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 7th May 2017
Forum Posts: 59

Acoustic Alchemy 

  
Falling
slowly
into the strum  
and slide  
along strings tuned just right
fretting tight chords    
vibrations ripple through
pulsing rhythms    
striking percussive tap-tap-taps  
   
Transfixed in a gaze  
urging me
sing
in harmony joining  
the swoops and swells  
of his twisting melody  
catching breaths  
in the disquiet between notes  
   
Tempo changes drive tension  
to the bridge  
coaxing me to cross  
and he keeps playing  
mastering the instrument   
of my undoing  
 
 
Written by paperstains
Go To Page  

poet Anonymous

Feedback

Valeriya - You really understood the brief well and have written an excellent erotica piece without the mess here. The language used in this piece is especially beautiful and I like the classic style and intimate feel to this write.

Your second entry was a fine example of how to make language work. I love the interweaving of nature and the closing lines of slipping back into the city is a really beautiful close. *RUNNER UP*

Satinugal - A poem that went outside the box indeed. I loved the formatting of the piece and particularly enjoyed the metaphor of sex being compared to an instrument. One of the more intriguing pieces in the competition.

Your second entry in the form of a haiku I also found intriguing, however the term “juices” I found a little close to the mark in terms of stereotypical erotica imagery for me. Thank you for these entries.

Buddydog - Enjoyed the metaphor of the title and how the woman is being idolised in the piece. Liked the comparison of the nature elements in regards to an intimate setting. Lovely entry.

MadameLavender - Tension it was called and tension it certainly portrayed! I like that your poem had a certain amount of sass in it, and that’s something that I didn’t see in any other write, so bravo for making this poem totally your own. Thank you for your entry.

Grace - It’s a beautiful poem lyrically, which would have fit the brief well. However, I have had to disqualify the entry for using “cheeks” and “skin pores” as no body parts were permitted to be used. Sorry!

_boybrains - enjoyed the stripped back approach to reference a single image in your piece. I lived the image it painted of watercolours melding which is an excellent metaphor regarding the subject matter. A masterclass in focussing on a single moment. Thank you for your entry.

Kinkpoet- A beautiful poem lyrically and I like the way you have used trees and blooms as a metaphor for the act. However there is use of the word “consummated” (make a marriage or relationship complete by the act of sex) which refers directly to sex as per the rules, meaning I’ve had to take this piece out of the running. Sorry!

Jermainesplain - Missed the brief entirely. Slang word useage for bodily secretions (mayonnaise) and the second poem contains direct reference to sex (coitus) and body parts (erection). Also classic erotica useage of the word sexy. Removed from the running for rule violation. Sorry!

DaisyGrace - You really made these images work hard for their money. The close was particularly poignant (elegant and terrifying) and I really enjoyed the way you made this sensual without the smut. Really grand job on this. *WINNER*

ValerieCD92 - The mention of body parts (knees, chest and butt) and a direct reference to sex (anal sex) Removed from the running because of rule violation. Sorry!

Noble_incubus - Good story weaving and I liked the rhyming element to the poem, however “throaty moans” and “creaking springs” as classic erotica references were a bit too close to the mark for me. Thank you.

Soft_lilac - Excellent use of metaphor to describe an intimate moment. This felt like a memory because of the added personal touches to the detail. Enjoyed this piece. Thank you.

Austin_Flank - This felt more like an unrequited love poem rather than an erotica piece. I’m not sure this poem fit the brief of erotica. Thank you for your entry.

WallyRoo92 - I liked the narrative in this piece and liked the comparison of a partner to a drum, exploring the poignancy of music. Unfortunately I’ve had to remove it from the running for mentioning the word “ears” as no body parts were permitted to be used in the competition guidelines. Sorry!

AspergerPoet56 - I liked the stripped back approach that you took here. I also enjoyed that the compact nature of the piece almost felt like a stolen moment we were privy too. A lot communicated here in few words. A very valid entry indeed. Thank you for your entry.

Summultima - gorgeous imagery in this poem, however relies heavy on body imagery. You have your own signature style which is all you and I applaud you for that. Unfortunately I’ve had to take it out of the running because of the mention of body parts (tongues, larynx) which was against comp guidelines. Sorry!

Magdalena - There’s a really edgy vulnerability to this write that takes a different take to many other entries in the contest. I found the gritty edge to be really appealing and I think this is a fine entry into the erotica without the mess comp. Well done on this indeed.

PandoraUnleashed - Gorgeous use of language and a good example of sensuality without the smut. The last lines are particularly poignant, making this a very worthy entry indeed. Thank you for entering.

FromTheAsh - I really like how you’ve used poetry as a form of eroticism and I liked that this differed from many entries in the competition. This deserves special commendation for its unique viewpoint. An excellent entry.

CalamityOfGin - I enjoyed the classic form of this entry. I did wonder if the arching, bite & snarl was a little close to the mark for traditional erotica language, however I did appreciate that it worked for the piece. Enjoyed this entry, thank you.

TheTravelingFairy - I enjoyed the compact nature of this piece and the gorgeous internal rhythm caused by the rhyming of some of your end lines. Very different to a lot of pieces in the comp, and I commend that. Thank you for your entry.

Twitter - Forbidden fantasies was a little too close to the mark for me in terms of stereotypical erotica language. However, I enjoyed the compact nature of the piece and how that was reflected even in the title.

Your second entry was interesting in the way that the form cascaded into one point, and that added another dimension to this piece. You are one of the few entries to explore formatting in your entry and I applaud you for that. Thank you for your entries.

Paperstains - I just love this entry. I love how you have used music as a metaphor for eroticism. Enjoyed the sound echoed in the tap tap taps. Most of all this actually made me think of how a guitar is played and how that too is an intimate moment. The complete lack of punctuation really works for this piece also. Leaves us lingering, and I love that. *RUNNER UP*


DaisyGrace
DaisyGrace
Dangerous Mind
United States
9awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 29th Mar 2017
Forum Posts: 1045

Well! This is a pleasant surprise this morning! Thanks for hosting this competition, Missy. It was a delight and a challenge and i loved reading the entries.

Oh, and thanks for the feedback. I love it when competition hosts do that.

poet Anonymous

DaisyGrace said:Well! This is a pleasant surprise this morning! Thanks for hosting this competition, Missy. It was a delight and a challenge and i loved reading the entries.

Oh, and thanks for the feedback. I love it when competition hosts do that.


You’re oh so welcome!

paperstains
paperstains
Thought Provoker
3awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 7th May 2017
Forum Posts: 59

Congratulations,Daisy

Thank you, Missy, for the runner-up spot. I'm tickled that you liked my entry so much, and I appreciate your thoughts on it. Really enjoyed reading your feedback for all the others as well. Thanks for hosting this. It was a fun challenge to tackle.

poet Anonymous

paperstains said:Congratulations,Daisy

Thank you, Missy, for the runner-up spot. I'm tickled that you liked my entry so much, and I appreciate your thoughts on it. Really enjoyed reading your feedback for all the others as well. Thanks for hosting this. It was a fun challenge to tackle.


You’re welcome! It was soooo close at that top spot Thanks for taking part. Always welcome :)

Valeriyabeyond
Valeriyabeyond
Dhyana
Dangerous Mind
3awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 3rd May 2020
Forum Posts: 2647

Congratulations DaisyGrace !!
You have written an absolutely beautiful piece of erotica Bravo
Paperstains - congratulations to you as well on your win An equally beautiful submission
Thank you so much Missy for the honor I do appreciate it thank you for your feedback as well it's nice when the host of a comp is completely engaged
Congratulations and thanks again 🌻

poet Anonymous

Valeriyabeyond said:Congratulations DaisyGrace !!
You have written an absolutely beautiful piece of erotica Bravo
Paperstains - congratulations to you as well on your win An equally beautiful submission
Thank you so much Missy for the honor I do appreciate it thank you for your feedback as well it's nice when the host of a comp is completely engaged
Congratulations and thanks again 🌻


Thanks for the feedback on the feedback... I’m just trying something new, been as I’m intent on never sending my comps to public vote. I feel more people should stand up and own their shit

You’re very welcome and thanks for entering. I forgot to add that the runner up was aimed at your second entry

Go to page:
Go to: