Poetry competition CLOSED 9th August 2019 3:12am
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snugglebuck
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June of jokes of july

rabbitquest
rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Scotland
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Joined 20th May 2012
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Poetry Contest

All jokes and riddles and puns and fiddles
Example:
I spilled honey on our dog leash.
It was de-leash-us


RexDurkin
RexDurkin
Thought Provoker
Australia
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....................................................................................................

rabbitquest
rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Scotland
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My kids are really getting tired of school

So I decided to attend the next
Bored Of Education
meeting

rabbitquest
rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Scotland
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Dude better re attach your membership!

snugglebuck
snugglebuck
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Can they be a bit bawdy?  I wrote one that is, but I don't consider it pornographic.

rabbitquest
rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Scotland
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go for it snuggz!

rabbitquest
rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Scotland
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There once was a man was pan-sexual
who had sex with a pan and a spatula
he was a bit sore
but life was a bore
unless to his pans he's  affectual




snugglebuck
snugglebuck
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Consider it done,
Onion one!

RexDurkin
RexDurkin
Thought Provoker
Australia
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I bummed a cigarette...
Now my dick smells like tobacco



There once was a face on an onion
Who had a thing for the young men
Whenever he'd find em
He'd sneak up behind em
And then he would try to bum them




snugglebuck
snugglebuck
Dangerous Mind
United States
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🤣

rabbitquest
rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Scotland
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Eating Out

For an old guy like me,
Eating out is all I need.
When my order's up,
She calls my name.
Written by rabbitquest
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rabbitquest
rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Scotland
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Amongst Cannibals, the noodle of choice is raw-men

snugglebuck
snugglebuck
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United States
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                                               Old Man and the Beach

I’ll never forget my first time at a nude beach.

I decided to spend it on it by the Mediterranean Sea, on France’s Cap d'Agde beach.  Though I didn’t come ogle, I couldn’t help but watch the variations of humanity walk by.  Old and young, short and tall, fit and not so fit, it was joy to watch the naked human parade walk by.

One person who caught my interest, was a very frail bespectacled elderly gentleman.  Wearing a large straw hat, his skin was wrinkled and well-tanned.   He walked so slow, each step seemed as if it might be his last.  Every now and then he’d pause and look around.  When he came to a stop, right in front of my blanket, he shaded eyes to stare at a figure approaching from the distance.

Along the beach walking towards us, was a tall shapely beautiful young woman wearing nothing but sunglasses.  With large ample breasts that swayed with her each stride, she looked like a headliner from a 1930's burlesque show.  The crinkled old man was mesmerized by the sight of her.  As she approached him, I could sense a haughty air about her.  Yes, she was beautiful, but she was by no means humble.  When she walked past the crooked old man, she did so with such resigned indignation, it was as if he wasn’t even there.

The elderly gentleman hailed her, in a feeble voice, “Miss…Miss…can I have a talk with you?”

“What da ya want Pops,” was her curt reply?

“I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind having sex with me on the beach.”

At first the woman looked shocked at the proposition, then she broke out in a fit of mocking laughter.  “Sure Pops, I’ll screw you, right here and now, in front of God and everybody.  All you need do is prove to me, you can handle it.  Just do a hundred pushups and I’ll fuck ya?”

“A hundred pushups…a hundred pushup, let me see…” the old man mumbled under his breath as he rubbed his chin.

“A hundred pushups you say,” he asked her?

With a swagger she walked up to him so close that one of her nipples might have poke out his eye.  “Yep, that’s right, you do a hundred pushups, right here and now on this beach, and I promise I’ll fuck your brains out.  So, how bout gramps, you got what it takes?”

“I gotta do a hundred pushups,... just a hundred,...and you’ll have sex with me…you promise,” he asked with a shaking antique voice.

By now a curious group of onlookers gathered to witness ‘truth or dare’ duel between the nudes.

“Yep, that’s right!  You do 100 pushups in a row, and I’m yours.  I promise on my honor.”

The old man paused, rubbing his chin in deep contemplation as the small crowd awaited his answer.
"A hundred pushups, yep, I can do a hundred pushups easily!”   The crowd burst out in hilarious laughter at his answer.

A look of both disgust and pleasure swept across the woman’s face.  She enjoyed humiliating her geriatric admirer, and you could tell she was hoping to embarrass him even more.  “So if you’re going to do it pops you’d better get started.  If you wait too long you might be late for your own funeral.”

Once again the crowd burst into laughter.

Okay...okay…” he mumbled staring straight at the massive boobs in front of his face. “A hundred pushups…okay…ready…set…go.  Cupping a hand under each of her breasts he began bouncing them in rhythm to a chant. “A one.., and a two…, and a three…, and a four…, and a five.”  

“See,” he said looking up into the eyes of the astonished woman, “I told you I could do pushups.”  “And a six…!”

The moral to this story; age can, and often does, triumph over beauty.

The above write was created between my left ear and right.

rabbitquest
rabbitquest
Dangerous Mind
Scotland
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Joined 20th May 2012
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Nice pushups!

poet Anonymous

Tried my hand at a comedian show
said the only two things
that are illegal, that’s pedophilia and anti-semitism
They laughed and oh
how I said it’s funny
because you are the joke

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