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Who I Am

TrueLover
TrueLover
Meganne
Lost Thinker
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Joined 18th Feb 2018
Forum Posts: 4

Hell inside of me

 
I feel like I’m a failure at life, I just can’t seem to do anything right, I can’t even go to sleep at night.

People say life is hell but my hell is inside of me, day by day my brain sets fire to me, when oh when will I be free?

Free from this blazing prison that tortures me, no bruises to prove the damage it causes,
That’s why so many long sleeves fill my closet. For when the burn within gets to be to much, to my skin with a razor I touch.
Written by TrueLover (Meganne)
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summultima
summultima
uma
Dangerous Mind
India
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Joined 3rd Feb 2012
Forum Posts: 943


i (eye),   adamantine



 
mom's  
home-made kohl  
in steely-bellied antique  
peacockish clutch  
 
-bleeds her girl
 
lashing lachrymal blades  
of untinkering truth  
 
beatifies blinkless  
melancholy  
.
.
.
.

her face is a small straw chunk of left out last dough  
from a scrapped out hunger nation in deep crisis-
 
 

 
-seamless  
screaming provinces  
 
of forgotten smiles  
stuck perhaps slight in there
between somewhere to nowhere  
of the severe famine-stricken forever parting lips, of  
 
the desiccated  
eyepools peeling off in crushed palish patches , of  
 
the shrunken  
stigmatic cheeks in no more uplifting  
probabilities,  of  
 
the deep-etched  
quantum pains piercing core
in lightning uproars  

 

 
 
gotten frozen as bottled-specimens  
in comatose realities within deathful  
eternities, as destiny's  
stunned mannequin of dimensional myths
afloat alive in the bubbling amoebic airiness
 
 
that breaks out abrupt
 
 
 
in empathetic sights  
of exuding invisibilities-
the eyeful bleeds  
and their molten rundown,  draining  
into an oceanic vividness  
 
of dreaded ignorance  
where skullful hearts in rotten sarcasms  
of the day's prolific demand, are already leased or sold  
out to reigning whorish polities  
 
 
 
-ageless warrior soul's child heart, her  
chaotic nebulic tongue blabbers an eclectic  
cosmic language  

 
of Kali's dooming rage  
still in holds of a centric tender lotus in infinitely sprawling  
bloom- her third eye's purplish fluorescing inflorescence, an  
 
 
adamantine composure  
of a shimmering hope





p.s:
past/ recent past writes- two poems fused fully/ partially



David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
Forum Posts: 1834

What I Really Am Honestly (an arosdic poem

For the "Who I Am Comp"

W ater sign born as an Aquarian
H ated from birth unwanted nobody's child
A ttacked, tortured, sex-trafficked form ages 6 - 13
T eenage rebellion at knifepoint

I ntimidated by women - mother figure was a lunatic

R etardation given to me created me as an empath
E ventually, a doormat to catch dog shit from heals
A ll my life I have been this way with women
L oveless marriage now divorced - I finally woke up
L oveless still, maybe I am undeserving of real love
Y et subsequently it was offered and cruelly taken away

A night club bouncer of and on for 12 years - no fear of men
M aybe I should adopt that tactic in life in general

H ardman taking zero shit
O ne of life's positive principles
N arscasitic accusations completely false
E mpath I am the bipolar opposite of a Narcissist
S oft like a teddy bear hugs always welcome
T otally honest and up-front, caring, loving
L oving, protecting the underdog and those needing help
Y ou have heard it straight for the bear's mouth - no bullshit.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What I really am honestly" was inspired and written for the purveyors of lies and bullshit, not that they will care. These targets are true psychopaths who have no conscience. The muck spreading that has been done this past year all from the world of the made-up, not one piece of truth. some of you have been taken in by these lies. So please read this, this is the truth - regardless I am not "A Dickhead", a "Narscasist", "A legless Cowboy", "Useless Cripple", "Limbless Retard". Yes, these terms have all been used. "Stay away from him he's a bad bastard"

Do me a favour, treat people the way you want to be treated don't be hoodwinked, you can ask me anything and you will only get the truth, empathy and respect.
I have a few regular friends who really know me, they will also tell you the truth
Written by David_Macleod (David Macleod)
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hinescourtney801
hinescourtney801
Courtneyy
Lost Thinker
United States
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Joined 17th July 2019
Forum Posts: 15

I Am Who I Am

I am more than just a name.
Hidden behind my ink.
Sun kissed skin.
Tightly curled hair.
Hard headed.
Learning lessons.
Playing with fire,
Just to get burned.
Being content .
For this life i was given .
Mother killed by cancer.
Sperm donor never there.
Wanting to be loved.
Wanting to love.
Taking it day by day.
Insomnia, sleepless nights.
Now getting old,
Feeling aches and pains.
Needing more time,
There’s never enough.
Intelligent, yet immature.
Living, crying, and laughing.
Ups and downs.
I am who i am and thats okay,
My journey made me this way.

©️ Courtney Hines
Written by hinescourtney801 (Courtneyy)
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MadameLavender
MadameLavender
Guardian of Shadows
United States
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Joined 17th Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 4931


Musings From Pearl


So I thought I would tell you that
cats can indeed, speak
and as much as she hides her smile
behind me,
Mom isn’t that much of an enigma
once you get inside her head, and
have a look around.

To the casual observer
it may seem that she’s a
fucking lunatic
pulling furniture and other quality items
from the dumpster
and roadside piles, but
hell, if she doesn’t rake in
a hundred dollars each week, refinishing
and selling the stuff.

As much as my brother, Bronson, and I
would like to wallow in cat toy heaven, we
know she has her human daughter
to support for another year, and
the cash goes for that.

We miss her when she’s at work—her real jobs,
not the dumpster job
but Mom is driven
and worries that someone
will break the lab where she works, if
she ever thinks she can retire someday.

(that’s why she teaches her students to use their heads, and
think like how her brain works.)

I heard all about lots of bad stuff
that happened in Mom’s past, like
cancer and divorce
and some other crap
but she’s a Jesus-freak, and
maybe I’ll try it too
because it seems to have worked for her.

I love my Mom.
And when she gets all logical and philosophical with me
I just go pounce on Bronson,
have a bite to eat
then take a shit.


It’s great being her cat—
She cleans up my shit, too,
along with everyone elses!

Ahavati
Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 2853

You must know

      
You must know there are times
I will not choose you over the poem;  
nor your email, text or pouting silence
over the verse;  
  
Bulging zippers will not sway me  
nor swollen suitcases by the entrance.  
If you want to be first in someone’s life    
you must know, it can never be mine.    
  
I'll never be the faithful wife  
skinning vegetables at the sink;
a gimlet eye’d grandmother supervising,
starched apron and recipe splayed
submissively across the counter -  
contents spooned carefully;
the roast, flayed, awaiting its wake -
attendees of potatoes and carrots
following into the heated pyre.    
  
I'll never be the faithful mistress  
in a négligée holding a drowning olive  
after a cocktail party --
  
alarm at attention so we don’t oversleep
alerting your wife to your late absence.  
  
I'll be in the tub with the poem instead;
gluttonous ink splashing imagery  
over its porcelain skin with each spit  
of candle and stroke of pen.    
  
You must know, in bed I'll fantasize  
about the poem, how it carried me    
shielding my isolated survival
from extinction, while hunted
by laundered mindsets
firm in sects of belief.  
  
You must know the poem  
is 'One Hundred Years of Solitude',  
a plantation abandoned by death;  
it’s 'All the archived Names'  
without Ariadne’s Thread;
the Life that Pi actually dreamt    
'The Shipping News' reporting anthologies
modern American beats underground;  
it’s 'Water for Chocolate' torched  
by match heads; it's 'Midnight  
in the Garden of Good and Evil';
it's Romeo; it's Juliette.    
  
You must know, that if betrayed  
by lies or entrapment I will escape    
elope, even commit suicide  
before captured alive;    
  
we’ll die together, deeply inhaling afterlife  
as Plath – taping your sleeping existence
away from us, towels caulking the frame;    
  
and you, you must know  
you'll wake lonelier than you’ve ever been.    
~  
Written by Ahavati
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300 words

Poetryman
Poetryman
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 14th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 1496




Paint Without a Canvas
Woke up alone again in the middle of the night
Went to the bathroom 'cos what else was there to do?
The low amber glow of the nightlight on the wall
Blended with the dim ambient moonshadows on the floor
A ghost seeking a switch to ignite a burnt out bulb
The transparent artist with paint dripping from his fingertips
a mirror on the medicine cabinet cracked too many years ago
Or maybe those be lines scribed on a mask worn by sadness
If I had brushes and canvas I'd trace the reflection stairing out at me
A portrait of a self-serving soul in need of something less superficial
Than a black and white one dimensional photocopy with no heart nor soul
While the rainbow of life waiting to be spread by fingers bleeding with passion
Has nearly dried and crumbled, mirroring the image he so profoundly portrayed
Still, in spite of time's relentless chisel, carving away at his stone cold expression
He dreams the image forming in his imagination can be brought to life
On an easel where the seed planted by an artist's hand can grow even in barren fields
Within the imagery of verse, colors spill as clearly as a rainbow brushed across a hungry canvas

jj
(7/25/19)
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10161679438810481&set=pb.839425480.-2207520000.1564151671.&type=3&theater

PandoraUnleashed
PandoraUnleashed
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 29th Mar 2018
Forum Posts: 14

I'm excited about this with thoughts raging, but I'm not sure how poetic I can be right now, is prose ok?

LunasChild8
LunasChild8
Dangerous Mind
Canada
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Joined 27th Dec 2017
Forum Posts: 440

PandoraUnleashed said:I'm excited about this with thoughts raging, but I'm not sure how poetic I can be right now, is prose ok?

Sure thing, my dear.

Poetryman
Poetryman
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 14th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 1496

Uncertain to Me

Poetryman
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"Uncertain to Me"

I live for a dream that is holding me back
Been climbin’ over rocks rollin’ over my tracks
I feel like I’m crawling up a hill to nowhere
I look to the past and see that nothing is there

Whoever I am is uncertain to me
Alone I will be a complete mystery
Wherever I go ain’t on anyone’s map
Now it's no small wonder my lives don’t overlap

I’m travelin’ a fine line fear only knows
Darkness emits shadows wherever it goes
A sparse row of fools have been where I tread
Taking refuge that none see the life that I've led

A silent voice in my head asks who I am
His sly interrogation rebuilds the dam
Free my mind, I don’t like the likes of you
Sullied panes are uneasy for me to see through

The windows to my soul shuttered so long ago
I packed it on ice then tied it up with a bow
Listed it on-line to see who might bite
On the tale of a poet with his last verse to write

The auction was held though my soul went unsold
In the books of my life a playwright has told
But nothing you read will expose the lies
One more lonely poet pens regret till he dies

..
jj

FromTheAsh
FromTheAsh
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 20th Feb 2017
Forum Posts: 418

little girl fantasies...big girl dreams...

 
think back
can you recall all the dreams
the youthful ambition
driven to do great things
before, of course
you realized the work required
or uncovered the hidden catch in reality
not all futures play out exactly the way they seem
and sometimes the world just pummels it out of us
determined to keep us pigeonholed
telling us where they want us to go
doesn’t it just seem
those spaces grow more confined
if you’re less than advantageously defined

as any starry-eyed young girl
I had big ideas for my place in the world
I wanted to design houses
structures
I wanted to see how they were made
you know…constructed
but in the end I settled
for learning how to decorate
a sad sort of compromise

I also longed to sing on the stage
sappy love ballads, if you can imagine
but singing disconnected me from the pain
made me feel more alive
farthest I ever got was church
solo & in choirs
knees knocking & trembling inside
too timid to brave any higher achievement
I locked my voice away in its box
my own dying little secret

I even debated following daddy
becoming a mechanic
they used to tell me it was fairly decent money
it was never about that for me
but those were some pretty huge shoes
and I was convinced I couldn’t fill them
besides…
he wanted more for his little grease monkey
I quietly silenced that dream too

a few less savory careers entered my mind
from time to time
all falling (thankfully) by the wayside
common sense or sheer fear prevailing
more often than not I was just confused
many avenues were never pursued
and I drifted quite a bit
looking for my niche
my home

but in all those little girl fantasies
not once did it ever occur to me
though I’d never reach any of my loftier goals
I’d grow up to do something far more important
I’d discover who I was
learn I’m stronger than I ever thought
and use my voice to empower others
word by word
healing
releasing the pain trapped within me
it’s imperative
as part of the human condition
we must figure out how to let go
what we cling to
suffocates
I learned how to love & forgive myself
unburdening a terrible weight
making connections through the expression
and then it happened
I moved a mountain
with my oceanic being
and found my deepest love
in Poetry

Written by FromTheAsh
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wallyroo92
wallyroo92
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 815


Little Drummer Boy

G3r0
G3r0
RA
Twisted Dreamer
United States
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Joined 31st May 2015
Forum Posts: 10

WHAT I AM IS!!!!!

WHAT I AM IS A TYRANT!!!!    
Toussaint Louverture          
reincarnated far away from        
The lure your four fathers made        
A Dark shade over prejudice        
A sharp blade masquerading        
As a feather caressing your conscious        
So take my presence as ominous to the air im about to change.        
         
WHAT I AM IS A MONSTER!!!        
Vigorously feeding on people        
Who mistreated my empathy subliminally i see them as evil so i dig into their wombs, stickin them with my heroine needle leaving a corpse that resembles an ego, and lubricously crude memories that trigger when seeing me.        
         
WHAT I AM IS A FIGHTER!!!        
craving the sensation of          
Tasting my own blood and        
The blood of thoes i would face        
Self destructive behavior justified by        
Mutual shared destruction but rarely          
Admiting that im in love with the chaos.        
         
WHAT I AM IS ENLIGHTENING!!!        
Educated on the fact that's this wretched Nation devastated my race then left us fated to fade away with subversion in brokcast stations, perversion of our nature then lure us into incarceration to portray our  pigmentation as excursion to be washed away as our service construct this foundation of  burglars when on this continent were the NATIVES!!!!!          
         
WHAT I AM IS VIBRANT          
a frequency unidentified intangible divine insanity cramed into the cranium of an animal. Who chages form        
Depending on energy  emitting from eye's entangled with separate selves living different lives who's able to take advantage of shifting paradigms.        
         
WHAT I AM IS A WARLORD ARTIST SLASH PORNSTAR ASTRONOMER SLASH MOZART HYBRID FIXING MY OWN SCARED BODY WHAT I AM IS the same as you god personified wounded by the pulls of two opposing Entergy vibes. Love yourself and all of your madness we are the delicate balance of opposites attracted into one live construct CONSCIOUS
Written by G3r0 (RA)
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TLM5150
TLM5150
Lost Thinker
United States
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Joined 16th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 24

Who I Am

 
In a nutshell and simply put...

I am...

First and foremost...

Physically...35
At heart...21
Mentally...somewhere in the 80's
Emotionally...in the mid-teens...lol
And lastly, but not leastly...
Spiritually...old as f@$k...

This is the best discription I can come up with on the spot and in the moment.

On the other hand...
I am an aspiring musician...
Without most of the foolishly irrational and unfathomably unrealistic expectations typically imbued in the breed...

Meaning, I work, want to and will eventually go back to school, while dreaming about being a rock star on my days off.

I am originally from Montana...
Spent my 20's in San Francisco...
Moved to Milwaukee last year and I love it! Except when it gets too cold to do anything, but try to stay warm...grrrrrr

This is...Me

On paper (or) "online" as it were,
but there is so much more to "yours truly" than mere words can define or explain.

Not yet sure where I'm going...
But I do know how I'm getting
wherever life takes me...

With hope and sincerity...
Respect and honesty...
Commitment and drive...
Not to mention...
A whole lot of focus...
And an equal amount of fun...
Written by TLM5150
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Poetryman
Poetryman
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 14th Aug 2011
Forum Posts: 1496

was a winner ever chosen for this comp? it ended a couple weeks ago...
jj

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