I chant my pain

 
 
 Went over my old poems here  
like flicking through an old photo album  
mostly shit, some deeply profound  
many about you, my love and intent  
clear as fucking day  
 
Starting to question yours though  
sure feeling played the fool  
orchestred like only you can  
what you trying to do paint me a monster, fucking erase me,  
what was I to you nothing more than a sperm donor something to be cast aside  
erased, as if an immaculate conception occurred, rather than the love that was there, from my perspective anyway  
what you want to piss five years away just like that... Poof gone up in smoke  
 
No joke leaving me hanging in debt and despair, your silence evident, you don't give a fuck any more if you ever did.. Well done the social worker treats me like a cunt, never gets back to me and let me tell you, I'm sick of chasing those that don't care, never have, never will.  
Fuck that heartless incompetent bitch  
still trying to decide, if she's in the right profession or if she's perfectly suited to the role of tearing families apart  
 
You sure killed me here,  
metaphorically of course and a little literally  
I'm strong though, I'll get back up  
figure out what next  
I forgive you, pray you find forgiveness  
maybe get in touch with your son, who is worried, loves and misses you. Just as your family feels the same  
What's it been years now, never understood why  
you cut people off like that  
 
Talk about dysfucktional  
 
How easy it is for you though, do you even have a conscious, what you going to do when she starts asking questions.. Cut her off too  
 
Leave this hanging with no closure, send the divorce papers first class through the post. Technically we are still married...  
So pull your fucking head in, this only hurts our daughter  
 
This is the cruelest thing to deny a father time with his child, especially at the age she is now.. How do you sleep at night? Soundly I imagine believing you've won a prize or something

Unfettered urges
not satiated
always vexing
never abated
 
Overflow of blood
alcoholic veins
despite purge  
affliction remains
 
Troubled, tormented
wretched plight
wings of shame
taking flight
 
Bound to guilt
the deeds done
no annulment
self-inflicted shun
 
Alone, isolated
penance assigned
chained evermore
fate resigned

Hold back the tears to procrastinate your cries,
remember your fears for tomorrow who dies.

Wipe the sadness from your face, shield the sorrow in your eyes.
Endure; embrace the pain, help them believe the lies.

Force a laugh to escape the dry throat that has no will.
Ignore the tight knot in your stomach that makes you anxiously Ill.

Engage your eyes in conversation to act as if you truly care.
So long as no one knows your thoughts are wandering elsewhere.

Replace the depressing frown with a glassy smile to ensure a happy appeal;
And that deathly glare to a joyful gleam, so the synthetic emotion can only seal.

Evaporate all the sadness within to allow no weakness to beam,
Seize your uncontrollable emotions so then soon your mask shall redeem.

have you ever
visited a room
where people went

expecting
a nice soothing
hot shower

at the end
of a hard day's
work

a brief respite
from the
daily horror
of slave labor
starvation
and brutality

only to become
trapped
in a death chamber
with the smell
of bitter almond?

have you been to a place
where
human beings
were
worked as slaves

then herded
at the end of the day
like
cattle
to the abattoir?

neighbors
smelled the death
saw the trains

knew
in their souls
what was happening

yet
chose to remain silent

to act
as if it was normal

to pretend
the camp
wasn't there
just outside of town

telling their children
(whatever lies they thought they would believe)

why did no one intervene?

how could a human being

sort shoes
purses jewelry
and love letters
into piles
for inventory

then discard
bodies into the pit
to be covered
with lime
and
buried in dirt?

because
it was their job
and
everyone else
was ok with it

because
protest
meant
being unable
to insure survival
for their family

(as if their
loved ones
were more important
than the ones in the pit)

why?
(tears)

why?
(more tears)

why?
(an uncontrollable stream of tears)

tears can’t explain

the pain

on either side of the equation
(perpetrator or victim)

(perhaps
that s why
I failed math)

what have you done
or failed to do
that you have been too ashamed
to share with another person?

why are you ashamed?

does shame
make it better?

or should you do more?

can you act?

can you
make a difference?

or will you
remain
a victim

watching
from the sideline
hidden
safely
within the majority
(C) 2019 Raibeart Bruis

The clearing in the center of the ancient forest
My world, where I danced and sang my words
Flying free to the highest heights unrestrained
Each letter, intonation, a product of divine soul
Freeing sparks of holiness from below to Above
This was my Garden of Eden, sweetest eternity
 
What happens when Heaven falls to The Silence?
 
Silence viciously smothered Words and Music
Brought Paradise to desolate, apocalyptic ruins
Frozen ashes fell from the gray, opaque heavens
Impossible to run, each step weighted with pain
Such as to make a soul beg for its’ eternal rest
Perhaps it is better to surrender, to just fall down
 
Victorious, The Silence reigned unchallenged
 
As Words, Music and I lay dormant under grief
Purest sorrow transversed all universes
There was no world, timeline, heaven or hell
The Silence did not savagely violate, shatter
Strangled, unable to sing a single note of song
Where words flowed free, now vast emptiness  
 
The Silence choked every breath, stole my life
 
The skies spun gunmetal relentlessly, hopelessly
Dawn to dusk I died wide awake, automaton  
Nightfall was my saving grace, I was so alive
Words and Music visited me, colors so brilliant
Letters soared, arranged with melodies sacred
Mine til my soul reunited with me, then vanished
 
Nothing remained of me- I became The Silence

In the house we sat in the middle where nothing but a table sat in front of us. We couldn’t move. We had to sit & be forced to look at each other. Cuffed by chains we tried to break free. Over time we knew why this was our prison. We finally understood why this kind of torture was needed. We never took the time to talk & we always ran away. We had no other choice but to lay it out on the table. You cried & said “why did I stop loving you?” I realized I helped with your hurt. I looked with pain in my eyes & asked “why did you put me in a position to do so?” Whats hurts more being bound by chains? or being bound by your hatred for someone?
 (Put it all on the table or be bound to do it.)

Pain scale is a visual poem