Sir Nigel Straightpipe is the most pompous of poets. Positively insufferable. He has thumbed his poetic nose at you. In your immutable style, write a SCATHING comeback.
1. One entry per poet, one week only.
2. New poems only.
3. Style, style, style. Make your insults interesting and clever. Cursing is fine, but do it with style. Nigel will only admit defeat if he is clearly poetically outmatched...go forth and scathe!
Note: thanks to Ahavati for this contest concept LIMP PEN; DRY WELL
By the esteemed
Sir Nigel Straightpipe, esq., Pompous Poet
Your rhymes leave me flaccid
Far too passive, massive wastes
of ink, really, devoid of feeling
Limp pen; dry well
No appeal, sexual or otherwise
Dry your eyes
That girl once broke my heart
Now look what I’ve become
And he made me his tart
Put it straight into my (that’s a quatrain, ABAB, as if you’d know)
Honestly, I don’t know where
you buy your metaphors,
but you paid too much
Digging deep? Far too cheap.
Pentameter is for pussies.
Just because your fifth-grade
teacher gave you a feature
on the concrete wall near
a bathroom stall does not
mean you’re a poet...
This is a gentleman’s pleasure
(although I hear they’re letting in girls now)
words must be measured, weighed
but first they must be known—
How’s your vocabulary? Don’t call
the constabulary, it’s not a threat...
No, no, it’s a challenge.
To all participants, thank you, poets and poetesses. This was an incredibly difficult competition to judge. I needed a half dozen runner-ups. Commentonly blew me away with a working-class reply that stands up tall to Nigel’s elitist drivel. I hope you will join me in congratulating her. I am truly honored by her contribution.