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Jade-Pandora (jade tiger)
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Poetic Medic #3: Don't Pull The Plug On Me!

poet
Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 2267

Poetry Contest

This poem is comatose and needs waking up!

Yay! We survived the year of January ( or at least it felt like it )!  

Poetic Medics #3: Don't Pull The Plug On Me! 😷

co-host: JohnnyBlaze

This poem is comatose and needs waking up!

We're continuing our series of comps meant to help writers exercise their critique muscles and prepare for NaPoWriMo in April. Here are links to our previous Poetic Medic comps that originated back in August of 2017:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/9824/
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/10563/

[ not to be confused with the group by a similar name here at DUP ]

We want you to get into the habit of writing with efficiency while monitoring your word count, which will be very important in the upcoming Official DUP NaPo/GloProWriMo 2019 competition hosted for the 3rd consecutive year by Us. We require all poems written to have no less than "50 unique words". Check out our previous Official DUP NaPo/GloProWriMo competitions for examples of what you would be expected to write and possible rules to follow:

2017
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/9560/
2018
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/10143/

Do you have the intestinal forward necessary to write no less than 30 poems throughout the month of April? We'll soon find out 62 days from now!

Here is your challenge for this February!

Give the following poem a "word transfusion".

Firstly, subtract any 35 words of your choosing from the following poem ( penned by my dashing co-host).

Secondly, take all of your leftover words and arrange them as you see fit.

Thirdly, mix in 35 words alternative words of your choosing.

Fourthly and finally, you MUST list both the 35 words you removed and the 35 you added!  You can do this by editing your submission and typing below the link.

You may change the title to whatever you wish, but there must be a title.

This poem as is currently has 70 words with very little repetition of wording.

Your final poem must contain a minimum of 50 unique words and a total of 70 words.


Blooms

You want to call Night
friend
wishful it will never end;
delighting in absence of daylight
as darkness looms

eager to experience relief
through suspension of your own belief -
dispense with home grown loneliness
sowed from senseless fears

that being like everyone
else under the sun
your flower appears
no different than the rest;

seeing yourself as only
fairest in the midnight hour

Lonely in crowded rooms
amongst unbudded blooms


Come on! You can do it! Don't B Negative! Instead, B Positive! Just watch out for the Type O's!

You have 30 days - Good Luck! 😷

poet
Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 2267

Recurrent

Birds call with spring
in tongues
humans cannot understand
 
but interpret still.  
 
The heart is not deaf;
winter will end
its frigid dominance.  
 
In absence of warmth
we experience belief—  
 
like seeing only the hour
of sun to rise from rest;
as that egret alighting
from the eastern pond.
 
I never want to leave home;
your own being—  
it is no less than pure  
within me . . .  
 
as all seasons are.  
~
Written by Ahavati
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Total words ( sans the title ): 70

PLEASE NOTE THE RULES HAVE BEEN MODIFIED TO INCLUDE THE LIST OF WORDS YOU REMOVED AND ADDED ( as above ( so below ) LOLOL! )

poet
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 9th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 4303

Sage, my world on an iPhone SE is 3 1/2” x 2 1/2”, so your rows & columns with words & numbers appear as chaos to me.😢

Okay, so, you want to know the 35 words I didn’t use from Johnny’s poem, and the 35 words of my own I used.  Got it.

poet
Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 2267

Yes; utter chaos but so is the comp.  Seriously, on a phone it's a madhouse, but on a desktop it's organized per columns.  I may try to clean it up in a bit. Or I may say "Screw it" for today! I've battled two comp NON entries trying to catch up!  One more to go! LOL!

Jade-Pandora said:

Okay, so, you want to know the 35 words I didn’t use from Johnny’s poem, and the 35 words of my own I used.  Got it.


As I said in private message, yes.

poet
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 9th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 4303

I just need to figure out the structuring. (Btw, there were repeated words of his I didn’t use, so those will be multiple.)

poet
Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States
61awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 2267

Solved - screenshot.  Wth was I thinking earlier? Oh, that I was finished wrestling this bear and needed a glass bottle of wine.

🍷🎉📝

Jade-Pandora said:I just need to figure out the structuring. (Btw, there were repeated words of his I didn’t use, so those will be multiple.)

There are several smaller words that are repetitive, e.g - in, the, as, of, to etc. We're aware there will be some repetition unless you remove them all from the original poem. It's all good.

poet
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 9th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 4303

Brilliant!  

Going back into the cone of silence now.

poet
Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States
61awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 2267

Jade-Pandora said:Brilliant!  

Going back into the cone of silence now.


Much appreciated. As also conveyed in private message, we really want to keep the comps clean. We'd rather readers be able to smoothly read rather than fish through a bunch of junk to get to each entry.

Thanks for your interest!

poet
JohnnyBlaze
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 20th Mar 2015
Forum Posts: 1115

Color Charted

 

Vacant playground quite
crowded as angels abound
follow your aura around

blessing their own private
darkness sowed with your
rainbows and flower blooms

Seeing different in daylight
than anyone else under sun

Never lonely in empty rooms
only delighting in imagination

An open book;
creased binding
yet unbound -
intuitively knows
where to look

amongst the spirits
lost and found;
fairest being

eventually finding
and color blinding me
like the rest


Written by JohnnyBlaze
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non entry

70 words total

Recycled Words
never
lonely
in
rooms
only
delighting
in
crowded
your
darkness
flower
blooms
you
to
like
the
rest
with
your
amongst
the
seeing
different
than
anyone
else
in
daylight
under
sun
own
sowed
fairest
being
as

Words Added
to be announced

Words Removed
to be announced


poet
JohnnyBlaze
Dangerous Mind
United States
6awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 20th Mar 2015
Forum Posts: 1115

The general consensus so far is that this challenge is HARD.

😣

poet
Ahavati
Tyrant of Words
United States
61awards   profile   poems   message
Joined 11th Apr 2015
Forum Posts: 2267

JohnnyBlaze said:The general consensus so far is that this challenge is HARD.

😣


Hahaha! You have no idea the trouble I've seen in regards to people giving up ( I just can't do it!! 😭, you all know who you are! 😂 ).   But, we've proven it can be done! You beautifully! 📝❤

Come on peeps! Get back on that saddle!


poet
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 9th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 4303

Tender Heart

 
Dispense your wishful thinking, eager friend,  
When daylight seems to never end.  

A vow that isn’t pledged has no regrets,  
For soon the envied sun will have to set.  
 
Delighting, as you like, that home grown flower,  
She’ll call at night, the midnight hour.  
 
Fairest blossom, amongst such blooms,  
A hidden love, from darkness looms.  
 
Not absence, keeps you from her tender heart,  
Nor beauty, roses have, can pry apart.
 
 
 
Written by Jade-Pandora (jade tiger)
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poet
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 9th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 4303


And☝️

poet
PoetsRevenge
Fire of Insight
United States
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Joined 30th June 2016
Forum Posts: 106

Night Flower

It looms under the absence of sun    
unbudded, unfertilized  
to wake lonely in this midnight portal.  
    
There is no relief from loneliness    
for the fairest plant delighting in darkness    
erupting futile pollens    
amongst crowded mindstreams.    
   
Wanderers in rooms of unknowing    
unravel experience    
spotlighting terminal fears.    
   
Night appears full of eager blooms    
unseen, unfelt, undetected    
where belief held in suspension    
carries senseless ways,    
marries empty days.    
   
A petal falls,    
wishful, hopeful.    
   
    .....
Written by PoetsRevenge
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Added Words:

1. unfertlized     11. pollens               21. unfelt               31. a
2. wake               12. mindstreams    22. undetected     32. petal
3. this                  13. wanderers         23. where              33. falls
4. portal              14. unknowing        24. held                  34. of
5. there               15. unraveling         25. in                       35. hopeful
6. is                      16. experience        26. carries
7. for                    17. spotlighting       27. ways
8. plant                18. terminal             28. marries
9. erupting          19. full                      29. empty
10. futile              20. unseen              30. days


Removed Words:

1. you            11. experience      21. being            31. yourself
2. want          12. through           22. like                32. as
3. to               13. your                 23. everyone.     33. only
4. call             14. own                 24. else                34. the
5. friend        15. dispense         25. your               35. hour
6. will             16. with                 26. flower
7. never         17. home              27. different
8. end            18. grown             28. than
9. daylight     19. sowed             29. rest
10. as             20. that                  30. seeing


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