Poetry competition CLOSED 1st March 2019 1:26pm
WINNER
Jade-Pandora (jade tiger)
Jade-Pandora (jade tiger)
RUNNERS-UP:
PoetsRevenge
and Summerrain75
Poetic Medic #3: Don't Pull The Plug On Me!
Poetry Contest Description
This poem is comatose and needs waking up!
Yay! We survived the year of January ( or at least it felt like it )!
Poetic Medics #3: Don't Pull The Plug On Me! 😷
co-host: JohnnyBlaze
This poem is comatose and needs waking up!
We're continuing our series of comps meant to help writers exercise their critique muscles and prepare for NaPoWriMo in April. Here are links to our previous Poetic Medic comps that originated back in August of 2017:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/9824/
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/10563/
[ not to be confused with the group by a similar name here at DUP ]
We want you to get into the habit of writing with efficiency while monitoring your word count, which will be very important in the upcoming Official DUP NaPo/GloProWriMo 2019 competition hosted for the 3rd consecutive year by Us. We require all poems written to have no less than "50 unique words". Check out our previous Official DUP NaPo/GloProWriMo competitions for examples of what you would be expected to write and possible rules to follow:
2017
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/9560/
2018
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/10143/
Do you have the intestinal forward necessary to write no less than 30 poems throughout the month of April? We'll soon find out 62 days from now!
Here is your challenge for this February!
Give the following poem a "word transfusion".
Firstly, subtract any 35 words of your choosing from the following poem ( penned by my dashing co-host).
Secondly, take all of your leftover words and arrange them as you see fit.
Thirdly, mix in 35 words alternative words of your choosing.
Fourthly and finally, you MUST list both the 35 words you removed and the 35 you added! You can do this by editing your submission and typing below the link.
You may change the title to whatever you wish, but there must be a title.
This poem as is currently has 70 words with very little repetition of wording.
Your final poem must contain a minimum of 50 unique words and a total of 70 words.
Blooms
You want to call Night
friend
wishful it will never end;
delighting in absence of daylight
as darkness looms
eager to experience relief
through suspension of your own belief -
dispense with home grown loneliness
sowed from senseless fears
that being like everyone
else under the sun
your flower appears
no different than the rest;
seeing yourself as only
fairest in the midnight hour
Lonely in crowded rooms
amongst unbudded blooms
Come on! You can do it! Don't B Negative! Instead, B Positive! Just watch out for the Type O's!
You have 30 days - Good Luck! 😷
Recurrent
Birds call with spring
in tongues
humans cannot understand
but interpret still.
The heart is not deaf;
winter will end
its frigid dominance.
In absence of warmth
we experience belief—
like seeing only the hour
of sun to rise from rest;
as that egret alighting
from the eastern pond.
I never want to leave home;
your own being—
it is no less than pure
within me . . .
as all seasons are.
~
in tongues
humans cannot understand
but interpret still.
The heart is not deaf;
winter will end
its frigid dominance.
In absence of warmth
we experience belief—
like seeing only the hour
of sun to rise from rest;
as that egret alighting
from the eastern pond.
I never want to leave home;
your own being—
it is no less than pure
within me . . .
as all seasons are.
~
Written by Ahavati
Go To Page
Total words ( sans the title ): 70
PLEASE NOTE THE RULES HAVE BEEN MODIFIED TO INCLUDE THE LIST OF WORDS YOU REMOVED AND ADDED ( as above ( so below ) LOLOL! )
Sage, my world on an iPhone SE is 3 1/2” x 2 1/2”, so your rows & columns with words & numbers appear as chaos to me.😢
Okay, so, you want to know the 35 words I didn’t use from Johnny’s poem, and the 35 words of my own I used. Got it.
Okay, so, you want to know the 35 words I didn’t use from Johnny’s poem, and the 35 words of my own I used. Got it.
Yes; utter chaos but so is the comp. Seriously, on a phone it's a madhouse, but on a desktop it's organized per columns. I may try to clean it up in a bit. Or I may say "Screw it" for today! I've battled two comp NON entries trying to catch up! One more to go! LOL!
Jade-Pandora said:
Okay, so, you want to know the 35 words I didn’t use from Johnny’s poem, and the 35 words of my own I used. Got it.
As I said in private message, yes.
Jade-Pandora said:
Okay, so, you want to know the 35 words I didn’t use from Johnny’s poem, and the 35 words of my own I used. Got it.
As I said in private message, yes.
Solved - screenshot. Wth was I thinking earlier? Oh, that I was finished wrestling this bear and needed a glass bottle of wine. 
🍷🎉📝
Jade-Pandora said:I just need to figure out the structuring. (Btw, there were repeated words of his I didn’t use, so those will be multiple.)
There are several smaller words that are repetitive, e.g - in, the, as, of, to etc. We're aware there will be some repetition unless you remove them all from the original poem. It's all good.
🍷🎉📝
Jade-Pandora said:I just need to figure out the structuring. (Btw, there were repeated words of his I didn’t use, so those will be multiple.)
There are several smaller words that are repetitive, e.g - in, the, as, of, to etc. We're aware there will be some repetition unless you remove them all from the original poem. It's all good.
[ PM ] [ fAwL ] Color Charted
Despite the playground
being vacant, angels abound
crowd around; each follows
her aura blessing their own
darkest hours with rainbows
and flowers befitting blooms
Seeing different in daylight
than anyone else under sun---
never lonely sitting in rooms
empty; delighting in imagination
she's an open book yet to be
bound by any societal binding
Among the spirits lost and found
intuitively knows where to look
eventually finding, color blinding
me; falling in Love
---seeing the real her is all it took
previous version
Color Charted
Vacant playground quite
crowded as angels abound
follow your aura around
blessing their own private
darkness sowed with your
rainbows and flower blooms
Seeing different in daylight
than anyone else under sun
Never lonely in empty rooms
only delighting in imagination
An open book;
creased binding
yet unbound -
intuitively knows
where to look
amongst the spirits
lost and found;
fairest being
eventually finding
and color blinding me
like the rest
Written by JohnnyBlaze
Go To Page
non entry
70 words total
Recycled Words
never
lonely
in
rooms
only
delighting
in
crowded
your
darkness
flower
blooms
you
to
like
the
rest
with
your
amongst
the
seeing
different
than
anyone
else
in
daylight
under
sun
own
sowed
fairest
being
as
Words Added
to be announced
Words Removed
to be announced
JohnnyBlaze said:The general consensus so far is that this challenge is HARD.
😣
Hahaha! You have no idea the trouble I've seen in regards to people giving up ( I just can't do it!! 😭, you all know who you are! 😂 ). But, we've proven it can be done! You beautifully! 📝❤
Come on peeps! Get back on that saddle!
😣
Hahaha! You have no idea the trouble I've seen in regards to people giving up ( I just can't do it!! 😭, you all know who you are! 😂 ). But, we've proven it can be done! You beautifully! 📝❤
Come on peeps! Get back on that saddle!
Tender Heart
Dispense your wishful thinking, eager friend,
When daylight seems to never end.
A vow that isn’t pledged has no regrets,
For soon the envied sun will have to set.
Delighting, as you like, that home grown flower,
She’ll call at night, the midnight hour.
Fairest blossom, amongst such blooms,
A hidden love, from darkness looms.
Not absence, keeps you from her tender heart,
Nor beauty, roses have, can pry apart.
Written by Jade-Pandora
(jade tiger)
Go To Page
Night Flower
It looms under the absence of sun
unbudded, unfertilized
to wake lonely in this midnight portal.
There is no relief from loneliness
for the fairest plant delighting in darkness
erupting futile pollens
amongst crowded mindstreams.
Wanderers in rooms of unknowing
unravel experience
spotlighting terminal fears.
Night appears full of eager blooms
unseen, unfelt, undetected
where belief held in suspension
carries senseless ways,
marries empty days.
A petal falls,
wishful, hopeful.
.....
unbudded, unfertilized
to wake lonely in this midnight portal.
There is no relief from loneliness
for the fairest plant delighting in darkness
erupting futile pollens
amongst crowded mindstreams.
Wanderers in rooms of unknowing
unravel experience
spotlighting terminal fears.
Night appears full of eager blooms
unseen, unfelt, undetected
where belief held in suspension
carries senseless ways,
marries empty days.
A petal falls,
wishful, hopeful.
.....
Written by PoetsRevenge
Go To Page
Added Words:
1. unfertlized 11. pollens 21. unfelt 31. a
2. wake 12. mindstreams 22. undetected 32. petal
3. this 13. wanderers 23. where 33. falls
4. portal 14. unknowing 24. held 34. of
5. there 15. unraveling 25. in 35. hopeful
6. is 16. experience 26. carries
7. for 17. spotlighting 27. ways
8. plant 18. terminal 28. marries
9. erupting 19. full 29. empty
10. futile 20. unseen 30. days
Removed Words:
1. you 11. experience 21. being 31. yourself
2. want 12. through 22. like 32. as
3. to 13. your 23. everyone. 33. only
4. call 14. own 24. else 34. the
5. friend 15. dispense 25. your 35. hour
6. will 16. with 26. flower
7. never 17. home 27. different
8. end 18. grown 28. than
9. daylight 19. sowed 29. rest
10. as 20. that 30. seeing
Anonymous
Related submission no longer exists.
