Poetry competition CLOSED 7th December 2018 2:30pm
Matilda (Jusmaryt)
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RUNNERS-UP: wallyroo92 and snugglebuck

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Joke shelter/Nov2018

Twisted Dreamer
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Joined 22nd Apr 2014
Forum Posts: 208

Poetry Contest

get your joke, riddle, pun in from the cold, or heat if you are from the southern hemisphere
Just, basically, if there was a joke
just lying there, and it needed a place to hang out,
please, place it here,
it is getting dangerously cold in the european countries
right now,
and although I've never been there, Australia is getting
mighty  hot right about now.
so these jokes need a safe shelter.

One of them will be selected by some unkown rubrick
to be the 'winner',

So, get out there and rescue a riddle, and get it where it can be

Here, I will start:

Q: what do you call it when you pee in your dream?
A: sleee-peeing

Lost Thinker
United States
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Joined 11th Nov 2018
Forum Posts: 8

Riddle of the King's Seed

Once there lived an ancient king
Without and heir or marriage ring
He was old, and groaned about his throne
And the future of his home

And so one day the king decreed:
"The kingdom's children get one seed.
To the child who's plant is best and faire
I shall declare them my heir!"

Three months later they arrived
From city straights and countryside
And plants of every kind were here
And yet the king was without cheer

Yet last of all a young girl brought
A little empty flower pot
Without a plant...and filled with soil
To her the king gave all the spoil

Written by EleazarSwan
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Here's a riddle for the reader

Fire of Insight
United States
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Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 732

The Mystery of Brownie the Magical Poo

One day when father entered the bathroom,
On the toilet seat there sat a big poo,
And though no one claimed to have done it,
Father was upset and didn’t know what to do.

But mother on the other hand was furious,
That someone would be that absurd,
So she decided to question the children,
And find out who left that big turd.

First mother asked the baby and the baby said:
“I’m a baby, I can’t even reach the bowl,
Besides that poo is a long curvy thing,
That can’t come out of my bung hole.”

The mother then asked her little daughter,
And she said “I couldn’t have left that dung,
That’s a very un-lady like thing for me to do
But it’s so big I would’ve coughed up a lung.”

Next the mother questioned her little boy,
“Did you take a poo and just leave it there?”
“No mom I swear, but I think it’s magical,
Let’s take a picture of it, post it and share.”

Mother then questioned her older daughter,
“Eww no, really? Mom! That’s really gross,
I don’t even like to think about bowel movements,
Let alone think about one of those!”

Mother than turned to her oldest son,
“I didn’t do it mom, I swear it wasn’t me,
But my little brother is right, it’s magical,
I think we should name it Brownie.”

Mom fought, argued, begged and pleaded,
But no one would cop to it or make a deal,
So she left it there for days making her angrier,
They all knew that shit was about to get real.

A week later just like it had started,
It disappeared and still no one had a clue,
How or where that stool came or went,
And that’s the mystery,
Of Brownie, the Magical poo.

The End.

Next week Comet, the Inexplicable Vomit.

Twisted Dreamer
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Joined 22nd Apr 2014
Forum Posts: 208

I went to get a filling at Transcen Dental...

...i'd gotten caried away with the sweets

Dangerous Mind
United States
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Forum Posts: 139

Newton's apple sauce

With twisting vines of old deception
Trees in their garden growing into splendor
Until an apple taste brings cognition
A baby not to realize a full scoping render...

Watching comets shoot in hindsight
A dangerous toy to play in your damnation
Predicting tales in demon forthright
Better spinning top ideas of your salvation...

A measured reaction to their action
When power is given more wind to unfurl
Replacing the light with an infraction
Chasing dreams down their sinning whirl...

Spinning orbs in such skyless details
Platonic cookies onto sheets of prostration
Winded sails across the desert trails
Described in false by a plethora of "ations"...
Written by runaway-mindtrain
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Fire of Insight
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Joined 13th May 2018
Forum Posts: 172

Associate Accountants

The associate accountants all know
the cute clerk makes their ledger-books grow!
And when she's in arrears,
the chief auditor leers,
and their Bottom-lines, soon, will get blown!

...and I thought accounting was boring!
Written by ReggiePoet (Reggie)
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Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 3rd Feb 2014
Forum Posts: 1639

Jesus's Gun

Question: If he lived in America today, what sort of gun would Jesus have! 🔫

Answer: A nail-gun. After all, he was a carpenter who'd want to build things up, not shoot people down.
Written by snugglebuck
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Fire of Insight
United States
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Joined 7th Sep 2017
Forum Posts: 77

EleazarSwano, to the victor go the spoils?

Dangerous Mind
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Joined 20th May 2018
Forum Posts: 225

The Revenge of Honky-White-Trash-Kitty-Cat

NEVER laugh at the Cat!    
He won't get upset  
but he will pay you back.
He peed  on the Saxophone    
player's bow tie...    
while on the back    
of the sink it did lie.    
...It was drying...
 after it's weekly wash.    

And before going to work    
in the Case the Dude tossed    
it... right next to his sax, tucked under the lid...  
surely he hadn't a clue    
what was hid    
When he got to the gig, Dude prepped his position,  
Unpacked his sax and  applied the bow tie.    
As the show picked up tempo musicians grew warmer,    
The temps 'round the band  were starting to rise.    
Now that tie had been baptized with a heady solution.    
That soon permeated the breadth of the stage    
As the music got louder, the  musicians breathed deeply    
and leaned far away from the offensive bouquet.    
But... there was nought to be done,  as the tie must be worn    
for the whole of the program, beginning to end.
The gig was quite formal.. the Tux a requirement,    
Honky's Revenge was two hours of end-less aroma.  
And if there's a lesson it seems it's that
It NEVER pays off to laugh at the cat.    
Written by Ely (E.A.Rothwell)
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Dangerous Mind
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Joined 20th May 2018
Forum Posts: 225

EliazarSwan... ''Why not?''

Strange Creature
United States
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Joined 30th Nov 2018
Forum Posts: 1

My 10 year old daughter😁

Q: Where do people in New York go to get a tan?
A: manhatTAN

Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom
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Joined 1st Nov 2012
Forum Posts: 218


This is just a piece of daft doggerel I wrote for my own amusment.

Seven o’clock Sunday morning
Mum and daddy’s plight
Little menace three years old
Kept them up half the night
At last says Mummy he’s asleep
Now time for some respite

She’s bouncing up and down on him
And really in full throe
The little bugger marches in
And he wants to know
What are you doing to daddy mummy?
Why are you jumping on his tummy?

Well says mummy daddy’s fat
So I am bouncing to make sure
That his tummy stays real flat
And bouncing is the cure

The little boy laughs with joy
You’ll never do it Mummy
He laughs ‘til he’s hysterical
She asks him why it’s funny
Well every time you go to work
Daddy plays a game
He lets the lady from next door
Blow him up again!
Written by blocat
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Dangerous Mind
United States
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Anna Mossity
Dangerous Mind
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aw snuggs, I need some funny Pleeeze

So this family dog is seven years old,
but then the kid says mom says the dog is fifty years old,
so what the mom did was multiply the age by seven, to get 50.
So the kid says, so mom, you must be 210 years old!

Dangerous Mind
United States
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Joined 3rd Feb 2014
Forum Posts: 1639


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