Heartbreak / Unrequited Love

Coming home to the silence is how it started. No music playing, no home cooked meal. No not this time but a surprise letter with the smell I know oh too well, Victoria's Secret body mist Love Spell. The very fragrance that hints seductive and farewell. Which one was it? Well let me tell...

The Last Letter:

"Don't look at this as a goodbye. Look at this as a see you another time. If this is truly meant to be I need to see, so I ask that you set me free. Continue to live and don't carry any fear. I still love you so you can love me; each day even if we're not near. Far or close, here by my side or on the other end of this ride, you can love me the same. You Loved me through words, loved me through actions, loved me through thoughts, prayers, and intense stares. Loved me through laughs, tears, and affection. Passion and sweet aggression. You Loved me dear with no end. We both loved each day as if we'll never hear, see, smell, watch, or think of eachother again. So don't cry, live your life. My letter to you from your wife. Not a goodbye."

I don't know how to think or piece it in my mind. I wish i knew why but i won't stress. I'll be fine. Just have to live life, let her take her time to grow wise.

So the roiling rolls
lifts and shifting heated potholes
My meniscus melts over
sparse of space and affection

There's excessive marks on a time
graphite scritches cross unshielded bone
I was impervious at 2:00
though not THIS 2:00;
twelve hops of the clock
and the lull stopped
My hands cinching, then slacking

We are scalded - walled in
These vents, a hideout, hydrothermally recessed
tenanted, we venture into fissures
A shimmy down chimneys - pulsing in the pressure
Limpets where the lesser merely writhe

 
Repercussions of Trust
Inevitably my soul corrodes and rusts
Leaving me with an Outlook of disgust
Isolations a bi product of my integration  
Cold Sensations for confused durations
impossible not to convey my frustration
Insanity comes with the segregation
Surviving offers little motivation
Bloodshot with a slight dilation
Still seeing clearly my Annihilation
Can't stop assisting its inflation
Every breath closer to suffocation
Am I speaking fluently  
You see what this scrutiny is doing to me
Subconsciously I planed this Mutiny
As if able to count on immunity
All Unity is lost in this hateful community
It is nothing new to me
most my life it's always run congruently  
Chipping away at the good in me  
the only thing i now trust
Is The spread of the corrosion and rust
Then a very slow and drawn-out
asphyxiation from the collection of Dust
That covers the memory of us
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

             
Please?                  
( clearing throat )                
Here comes the sweaty palms              
             
Pretty please?                 
( shoulda written a note )                
Nervous on knocking knees          
looking hesitantly around           
             
And as the storm within calms              
fear begins to subside              
the words on tongue's tip        
still are yet to be found              
              
Gosh, you're so pretty              
             
Please            
indulge my fantasy:            
taking in a movie              
sharing a popcorn tub
             
Buttered fingers slipping into mine              
rather exquisitely they rub---      
oh, wouldn't that just be divine?              
             
And I really get it;              
you might not be down with this              
purely on the basis              
you're not quote unquote        
lesbian              
         
Relax; breathe; fuck---              
it's not like we'd be        
making wedding plans              
       
All I ask is for one night?              
 
We pretend              
         
Let whatever happens happen;              
one of us invites the other inside              
         
Whatever happens --- let it happen;              
I'm sure it will turn out just fine          
             
I know all about your              
attraction to men;            
we've been friends              
for how many years now?            
         
 Jesus        
( rolling eyes )        
as if I could have ever forgotten              
             
Give it a whirl---              
try me on for size              
I'll be the slinkiest of dress              
         
Admit it --- confess;           
sounds tempting---        
so delicious              
             
You can finally        
let down your hair           
and I promise when I kiss           
you there ...             
             
Christ, you're so goddamn pretty!              
             
"Please, won't you come inside  
with me?"      
     
Gratifying you              
will my dream come true              
             
hoping to leave you satisfied

in so many ways that men have lied     
        
       
 

Once upon a time
I had a heart to give,
but those days like youth and spring
are long gone
and, like my flowers, have wilted slightly
in ignorance and from indifference
as although the seasons still change
and the Sun still shines,
nothing is new anymore
since that day
you said you did not feel the same way.
The wind was ripped from my saccharine sails
with clouds constant onlookers
perpetually casting shade
while in my eyes and heart
a stellar spark went out never to twinkle again.
Not that it was ever your fault;
it was just the cruel hand of fate
left me playing solitaire
when I thought it was pairs
with a pack full of hearts
but it was never a game you wanted to play.
So now I continue to rattle around,
this hollow heart of iron empty of fire
making me a living proverb or idiom
but I would rather much be an idiot of this feeling,
as "'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all"
is not all well and fine
as for the lover unrequited
tomorrow alone seems a very long time
and a lack of love never made much.

in my dreams,  
i envision an alternate universe,  
in which a broken heart
can simply be sewn back together  
with nimble movements  
of a mother and her caring eyes.  
in a world where i can have you  
and the life we've made together,  
without arguments and words that sting,  
eerily similar to that of a bee.  
i want a world where love is enough,  
or where we are unaware that it is not.  
 
my arms reach out,  
waiting for your hand to meet mine.  
my delicate fingers stretch,  
with unyielded yearn,  
to lay their lips on your smooth skin.  
my limbs grasp for whatever remains,  
desperate for one last loving embrace.  
 
they fall to my side, empty-handed, as i wake.  
i reach for your end of the bed to find  
an imprint of where your messy chestnut hair  
has lain.  
tears stream. whispered is a mantra to keep me sane:  
"do not beg for what does not want to stay."