Poetry competition CLOSED 11th July 2018 00:31am
WINNER
LunasChild8
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RUNNERS-UP: Miss_Sub and ReggiePoet

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I am in such anguish that I could die

poet Anonymous

Poetry Contest

Write a poem in any style talking about deep affliction. It can reflect your true experience or a true story of someone you know of. No names allowed, unless it regards yourself. Any length. The winner will be chosen by voting, as I will be participating.
You are allowed a max of three poems. Poems can be new or chosen amongst those you have already written. I ask those responsable for the site to please oversea this competition and ensure that rules be respected and to oversea the public vote. Dear poets let your heart do the talking. Thank you. Juvenalis66

ReggiePoet
ReggiePoet
Reggie
Fire of Insight
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Joined 13th May 2018
Forum Posts: 249

In the Deep


He wrote, ďI am the captain of my soul!Ē
but Henley steered a much more noble helm!
The schooner that I steer tacks near sheol,
My soul has foundered in this murky realm!
Most fearful dreams appear here in the deep,
unlike the clouds and light, up in the sky.
The secrets of the sea, forever sleep
unseen, except by lost and damníed eyes!
My fate was bought and sealed so long ago
and naught can change it now, unless by chance
my soul, by favored winds who deign to blow
reprieve my way, may lift my circumstance!
Once overwhelmed by doubt and ghastly fears,
shall I evade the place of wrath and tears?

  
Written by ReggiePoet (Reggie)
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LunasChild8
LunasChild8
Dangerous Mind
Canada
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Joined 27th Dec 2017
Forum Posts: 469

Why?

Why do you continue to act this way?
Doesnít it bother you when your mother cries?
Please listen to what I have to say,
It might just save your life.

Why do you hang out with the wrong crowd?
You know your mother doesnít approve of them.
Itís like your head is up in the clouds,
You do exactly what your mother condemns.

Why do you put yourself in a vulnerable state?
Do you not realize the consequences?
With our ďnaggingĒ you may feel hate,
Weíre just trying to make you cautious.

Why do you push away your loved ones?
Is this your way of rebelling?
The beginning of the end has begun,
Do you realize that itís your soul youíre selling?

Why do you turn a blind eye to your motherís pain?
As her flesh and blood, your wrongs are her suffering.
Weíre fighting hard for you to regain,
Your high post before you went under.

Why canít you see the abyss you willingly entered?
What happened to the good girl I once knew?
I had hoped that I could play the role as your mentor,
But you had already bit off more than you could chew.

Why canít you see that youíre hurting your mother?
She cares so much about you.
Thereís no one else who would rather,
Take the suffering for you.

The ultimate question that ponders our mind,
The warning signs that met our blind eye.
Where did things go wrong?
Why do you feel like this is where you belong?

Why?

Why??

Why??!
Written by LunasChild8
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LunasChild8
LunasChild8
Dangerous Mind
Canada
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Joined 27th Dec 2017
Forum Posts: 469

Things I'll Never Say

I
Her soul was once a radiant fire
But now nearly all her flames have turned to ember
Her head-strong approach was something Iíve always admired
Yet now it seems like she has surrenderedÖ
To despair and anxiety after five gruesome years
I watch on helplessly as I donít know what to do
How can I assure her that thereís nothing to fear?
Whenever she asks me what our future holds, I havenít got a clue
There are moments where I see determination in her worn eyes
But those days are rarer and rarer
Many days all I want to do is cry
We wouldnít be in this situation if life had been fairer
All her life has been one struggle after another
But she managed to push on by working like heck
I love her so, oh my poor, dear mother
I fear that Iíll be the cause of her premature death.

II
Emptiness inside
I didnít want to believe
That this is the final goodbye
Between you and me
I miss you Leo
Why did you have to go?
You, mom and I were the Golden Trio
Yet your life was cut short like one would blowÖ
Out a candle to extinguish its flames
Yet you, my dear cat, were hit by a car
That heart-stopping text from dad engulfed me in rage
And those unbelievable words had sown onto my heart a scar
Sometimes I dream of you, and Iím so happy
Only to wake up to reality, and I burst into tears
These last 10 months without you have been utterly crappy
Your affectionate personality filled our lives with cheer
Emptiness inside
Iíve now come to terms
That this is the final goodbye
The lack of a pulse and your immobile chest were enough to confirm.

III
I know I havenít been the most worshipping of Christians
Only recently have I come to terms with my spirituality
Honestly, I thought that your existence was pure fiction
Yet my life experience led me to believe that your existence could be a reality
After all, you saved my mother when she was in deathís clutches
You have made it possible for me to accomplish my dream
Whenever I was done, you have been my pair of crutches
So please help me now, or Iíll burst out and scream
Iíve made a terrible choice, that shouldnít have been so if life were different
I went all in instead of fully analyzing and opting for the safer path
I know that my face is often blank, making people think that Iím indifferent
When really, itís my only way of protecting myself from attack
I didnít sign up to pay this terrible price
This never would have happened had the opportunity exited back home
I had no one at the time to give me much needed advice
I feel like Iíve screwed up just as badly as the fall of Rome
So, God, Forces of the universe, my Guardian Angel
Please help my bearer and I to make it out of this shitstorm
This experience has left me rather gainfulÖ
In what I should and shouldnít do; Iím now informed
But I swear that Iíll bring us to the light at the end of the tunnel; no matter how painful.
Written by LunasChild8
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LunasChild8
LunasChild8
Dangerous Mind
Canada
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Joined 27th Dec 2017
Forum Posts: 469

Hollow Shell

This is it; Iím done
My heart still beats, yet no warmth flows through my veins
My face is an emotionless mask, and I feel nothing inside
Tears pour from my eyes, yet they offer no relief
From the pain and torment Iíve subjected myself to
Life is cruel, and Iím merely one of its foolish victims
Iíve irrevocably damaged the lives of the people who matter to me
No matter what I say or do, I can never make up for it
Iím in a dark and unstable place
I canít find the light and set myself free
Life isnít worth living with this pain Iím going through
So why not just end it all with two momentary pains?
And watch my life bleed out of this hollow shell of the person I once was.
Written by LunasChild8
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poet Anonymous

Northern1
Northern1
Fire of Insight
Iceland
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Joined 15th Apr 2016
Forum Posts: 168

Love Hate Relationship

It's been three months now without you
i go days without thinking about you
But some days i find that i'm losing my mind
And i yearn and i miss and i shout you

For decades we roamed clouds together
And didn't mind where how or whether
Hell or heaven sent i still catch your scent
We were bonded by a smoky tether

No i don't miss you at all yes i do
i thought you were love but we're through
Hear you calling my name but if it's all the same
No i want you i need you i hate you

You helped me forget who i was
But you were my downfall because
i just couldn't cope with being this dope
And so now i am taking this pause

i hid your utensils from my wife
In case you return to my life
And i'm full to the hilt of this awful guilt
You've given me nothing but strife

The worst thing though is this grief
And knowing that i can't get relief
There is no desire that replaces your fire
You've damned me is my belief

There's no way that i can employ ya
And if only i could i would destroy ya
No one has to guess why i am such a mess
And you infected me with paranoia

And even though i won't be the same
i'm telling you to fuck off Mary Jane
But still stay close if i should need your dose
No damn it you're not worth the pain
Written by Northern1
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Miss_Sub
Miss_Sub
- Missy -
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 26th June 2011
Forum Posts: 8903

7 Days Of Exile (A Series Of Unfortunate Confessionals)

 
"Naked and alone we came into exile. In her dark womb we did not know our mother's face; from the prison of her flesh have we come into the unspeakable and incommunicable prison of this earth." - Thomas Wolfe - Look Homeward, Angel

#Monday  

Now the oyster sealed in silence  
around the pearl dulling in the surf;  
fish and hook, as if sentenced to death  
drift through a winter of ambivalence  

facing eternity, the tight-lipped shell  
rocks back on the rhythm's ebb  
brittle as moonlight piercing the wave,  
a treasure as good as buried.
 

#Tuesday  

The Ash was just as crooked  
as the brittle boughs of the Rowan  
both holding curious hieroglyphs,  
initials carved on bark. †

The trees too, knew their history.  

When the Rowan bowed, her rubies  
dripped from her stem of jewels;  
the Ash wore berries like a crown  
though anchored by the river †
he could only watch her sway.  

The roots crept underground †
some nights, journeying the banks  
to touch beneath the surface;  
the Ash became gnarled †
the Rowan withered †

staggering in their grief,  
haunted by the stream.


#Wednesday  

After days of methodical  
mind-numbing slavery;  
emptying a glass, only to refill  
comes the rapture -  

the slightest prayer †
starts everything shaking. †

After a month of sinking  
beneath the black waves  
and the hole in my heart  
to rival all of Hell,  
there sits a sign across  
my chest, screaming  

everything  
must  
go.
 

After four months of exile  
spirits have all but evaporated,  
for the body and mind  
are empty vessels.  

I carry myself  
to the sea.


#Thursday  

These words coagulate in mounds  
wet lumps of gelatinous clay;  
sometimes they mould a face  
sometimes fingernails and teeth. †

Perhaps my first mistake  
was putting everything †
into my poetry.  

Had I of locked shut,  
annihilated by my own lines  
silence may have saved me,  
suffering wounds of emptiness †
in all their fullness, their glory  

instead, sitting under the flame  
I scratch a rotting poet's eulogy †
for a scorched people,  
and whatever is laid †
upon my grave  
must wait.


#Friday  

The appearance of cloud, of life  
of cars travelling without meaning  
of noses stuck in newspapers,  
sucking on coffee and cigarettes †
without acknowledgement †

they do not know my inaudible sighs,  
they do not know that you are gone  
that this drop is my fear of all  
I have lost.  

The streets are strangely populated †
each one singing monotonous lullabies  
to a new-world I cannot entertain, †
for they know nothing of nightmares  
nothing of my sobering grey,  
of what I search the gutters for  
relentlessly, hoping one day  
to find.


#Saturday  

I'd been tending the sapling †
for a few days now, had it earthed  
in meaning and preposition  

it was meant to find me,  
arriving entombed  
in a tubular casket;  
the roots raced my fingers  
to the beating soil, alive  
we dived together.  

The reaching of it's limbs  
were so deliberate  
I dreamed the tree awake:  
"Be blessed!" I cried  
to the northern skies  

I wondered if the wood knew this,  
I wondered if it ate my dead  
slowly, after dark.
 

#Sunday  

Eyes made from blue glass;  
the apex is unexpected  

light tints the cobalt  
in sadistic memory,  
thinking shaking is merely  
a knot at the end of your rope †

each a bulbous interlude  
on an otherwise circular path-  
you will count them one day,  
rip the raised notches  
from your wrists  

and my ankles draped in light  
will be the ninth star,  
and if that is to be the end †
let it be.
 
Written by Miss_Sub (- Missy -)
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Miss_Sub
Miss_Sub
- Missy -
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 26th June 2011
Forum Posts: 8903

There aren't enough adjectives for it

 
To the doctor who holds my life in his hands,
to the leaders that refuse to give me a tax break,
to the paranoid fella who attacked my character

Fuck you.

To my womb that kills life before it's born,
to every single one of the scars on my body,
to the bottle of whiskey in the airing cupboard

Fuck you.


That's the thing about living,
there aren't enough adjectives
that make you feel something
instead of nothing at all

you end up existing, praying even
for small mercies in smaller rooms
that infiltrate goodness
with some sort of barren self worth
because it's all you can do to stay sane.

To the one useless kidney I was born with,
to the man that broke me for shits and giggles,
to a country that makes me a working-class statistic

Fuck you.

To the woman next door that never stops coughing,
to the love I show to you that is never seen,
to the bus that was twenty-five minutes late

Fuck you.


I'm doubled over in pain today,
been riding a nausea wave so severe
I fear I'm dead inside,
plugged in peppermint tea on a drip
because at least I can find a vein

and there's this streak of madness
seeping from my pores I remember feeling
five years ago, blind drunk and barefoot
walking the side of the motorway
without a thought in my plastic mind.

To the package I sent that never arrived,
to my family's disappointment at my silence,
to the relations that no longer exist to me

Fuck you.

To the blood they're gonna rape from me,
to the cunt that thought I was still a whore,
to every single one of your assumptions

Fuck you.


And so, I ride this carousel
of intellectual merry, round and round
until my ass will belong to whoever
places the highest bid
because you'd like it on your wall

a trophy to show to friends
that wont even matter in four years
when you're living in a gutter
sniffing road dirt from a pizza box
because it once reminded you
of higher climbs.

To all the broken shards I cannot glue,
to the adultery of your heart that I cannot fathom,
to the palpitations that drum out in my chest

Fuck you.

To the selfishness of your stubborn suicide,
to all the numbers that keep me from sleep
to the anxiety of my hatred of my solitude

Fuck you.




Fuck you.
Written by Miss_Sub (- Missy -)
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Miss_Sub
Miss_Sub
- Missy -
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 26th June 2011
Forum Posts: 8903

Maladjusted

I was barefoot
one night in July    
† †
headlights split into cells †  
my body, a regeneration †  
of dark wheels cranking †  
the open ground †  
† †
unstable bruises †  
slipped into chevrons, †  
falling behind verges †  
† †
back †  
† †
back †  
† †
until tarmac † †
contracted in wombs  
† †
night became anonymousó  
cars shone their interrogations †  
into whites of vacant eyes †  
looking for something to give: †  
† †
I was barefoot † †
one night in July †  
† †
watching my feet trample dead leaves †  
walking silently into an apocalypse, †  
those seconds lengthening † †
into medical hollows †  
† †
ultra-violent light. †
Written by Miss_Sub (- Missy -)
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Heart_symphony
Heart_symphony
Twisted Dreamer
Canada
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Joined 17th Jan 2018
Forum Posts: 60

Flip To Page 66

I bought this journal because my therapist told me to
She told me to ďwrite down my feelings to express them,Ē
So thatís what Iím going to do

I fill the pages with self loathing and self pity
Sometimes I fill the pages with ďI hate you,Ē
Written again and again

I leave the inkings of my heart on the paper

Page 1: I donít have much to say.

Page 2: Itís just another regular day.

Page 3: Today was a bad day, I canít keep these thoughts at bay.

Page 4-40: I hate everyone, I hate myself
Hate, hate, hate suffocating the pages. Iím done.

Page 41-50: I canít stand another day, why must I suffer so much. This pain is a debt that I must pay.

Page 51-60: I have nothing, I am nothing, nothing matters.

Page 61-65: Itís been months and nothings changed. These thoughts are driving me insane.

Page 66: I canít take this anymore
Every breath I take is agony
Blood splatter is on the ceiling and the floor
So here I stand on the 100th floor balcony

Iíve made a profound self discovery
With irreversible consequences
Once I push myself over the edge thereís no recovery
Iím now self aware, Iíve come to my senses

My therapist would be so proud
The sirens in the distant are wailing so loud
My toes dangle over the edge
As I stare into the flower beds

Iím sorry if this hurts you or seems sudden
But Iíve had these thoughts ever since I can remember
I wish life had a reset button
So cremate me and turn my flesh into embers

Iím sorry if you think Iím weak
But my life is bleak
Writing down my thoughts has opened my eyes
About how my existence is feeble and meek

I canít keep up this facade
Itís a fools game of charade
So Iíve decided to acquaint
My face with the pavement

Before I meet my end
On the front of this journal,
I etch
ďFlip to page 66, for the reason Iím dead.Ē
Written by Heart_symphony
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Heart_symphony
Heart_symphony
Twisted Dreamer
Canada
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Joined 17th Jan 2018
Forum Posts: 60

Decaying Inside

Thereís an emptiness inside me  
Itís echoing around  
 
I dig, I pry
Trying to find something inside  
 
My insides are like a desolate house
Empty and abandon  
All life left years ago  
 
The old lock on the door is broken  
So anyone can walk in  
 
People tread all over the floorboards of my heart
Leaving a trail of footsteps
 
They look at all the empty rooms
Examine the empty walls
Then leave the house and never return  
 
My insides have become foot trodden  
The floor boards are creaking  
Thereís cracks in the walls  
The foundations are leaking  
 
My house is decaying  
The walls are trembling  
Soon my insides will crumble
Written by Heart_symphony
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Heart_symphony
Heart_symphony
Twisted Dreamer
Canada
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Joined 17th Jan 2018
Forum Posts: 60

Heart Debt

You said youíd never leave me
But thatís what they all say
And in the end they leave
Leave me with heart debt

I have given my entire heart
To my past loves
So now my hearts negative
It a black burn mark in my chest

I overdraw a piece of heart
To give it to my darling
Itís all I have to give
They mindlessly take it

I keep slicing at my loaned heart
Falling deeper
And deeper
Into love debt

In the end my love leaves
But I always find a new love
To overdraw my heart to
So I take another slice

I frantically drain my account
To give more heart
If I donít my love will leave
But they always leave anyways

I have nothing left
So I beg the bank for more
To give to my new darling
To bask in loves warmth

Borrowed warmth
Given to fickle people
Who slip away
Like a coin in a slot machine

My babyís eyes gleam
ďWin the big prizeĒ
Keep draining your account
The jackpot is just out of reach

But Iíve run out of credit
All my accounts are maxed
My tabs are overflowing
And my loves run dry

My love is all depleted
So my baby has abandon me
Taking with them
The heart and love I loaned

Anxiety spikes
Theyíre coming to collect
From my bankrupt account
My heart debt
Written by Heart_symphony
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SatansSperm
SatansSperm
Dangerous Mind
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Joined 19th Nov 2015
Forum Posts: 3108

poet Anonymous

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