Tasting Turmoil

Rules:
can not be a previous write
no word limit
no colabs, this is a personal thing
any style of poetry
no more than two posts
surprise me

i guess this wasent a good competition for the people of DUP.. ahh well i tried

The Truth (A Suicidal Angel's Prayer)

Why don't you just lock her up?
 
I lay wide awake on this cold Janurary night wondering the same thing, wondering if maybe, you should just lock me up and forget about me. It would be better than all of this. . . All of these problems that I have been causing, I know that it isn't you-- It's obviously me, I am your problem. I'm the bad habit that you need to quit even if you are addicted to me-- Addiction can make a person sick, and you-- You're sick with love over me, obessesd and commited-- Well maybe I should be commited. Look at me? I mean, I'm tearing myself apart,
 
I can't go out in public, I'm afraid of people and places.
I panic over small things, then I can't breathe or move.  
I cut myself, leaving marks all over my body. . .
Marks that hurt you and make me disgusted with myself.
I make myself sick.
 
You say I'm beautiful, but I am a disease.
 
I am a posion-- I have infected your life, your mind, your soul and your body. And it's not worth it, I'm not worth dying over, I'm not worth getting sick over. I'm not worth it-- Life was easier when I was dead inside, when there was no cuts on my arms, when I pretended that I had no problems, when my life was in constant motion revolving around something else and never stopping to think about myself.
 
Now look at me?
I'm pathetic, I make myself sick.  
I'm done hating my ex-lover.
I'm done hating her psychotic friend.
I'm done getting annoyed with my mother.
I'm done worrying about school.
I'm done pretending that You can make everything all better.
Because you can't, and I don't want you to.
Please just hate me,
leave me,
destroy me. . .
 
Allow me to die and stop giving me a reason to live.  
 
I do not deserve this life, I am a disgusting piece of nothing and I do not deserve life. I do not deserve this mass of skin, this suit of flesh that I have been using as a body. Which is the reason I need to destroy it, ever so slowly. Do not call my scars beautiful, these are not strawberry gashes, these are my battle wounds-- I've been fighting with myself every day. And now I've pulled you too deep into this, I should have never trusted you, I should have never allowed you to see me breakdown, I should've never told you about my life. I should've never allowed you to save me, you should have remained ignorant with the rest of them. Because once everyone knows I have issues, I become more of the paranoid angel that I have been self-diagnosed as.  
 
You shouldn't have saved me.
 
Because I know that I was not worth it,  
I am not worth any of this.  
Just leave me--
Kill me--
Hate me--
Abandon me--
 
I can't do this, I cannot hurt you-- I cannot destroy you.
I hate myself so much and I want you to just allow me to go away.
I will slowly paint myself out of society.
No one will miss me.  
 
And if they do, they'll get over me.  
 
I am nothing, stop trying to make me into something.  
Lock me up in the nuthouse, allow the bell jar to slam down on me and I will slice my wrists with the broken pieces and be gone from this world.  
 
Good bye love, I will always love you.
 
I'm sorry if this hurts you but this is the truth.




(This is an old write, I hope it works though.)

i look down
i see the fragile glass of my heart
cracks cover the surface
clink, clank it goes
it shatters with the slightest poke

i gather all the pieces
i put them in a box
the box is hung where my heart used to me

why is it so fragile?
its fine now
i built a barrier
that no one can get through
it protects me
from when you left me

“You don‘t understand”

See the poison burning lips
Coughing up blood in a splutter
Smearing down the dirty bricks
Every syllable tastes like sick.

Now look at what we’ve become
Who knew you’d be the one
Who was weak and succumbed
Just because you felt empty.

Here’s some shocking news for you
I’m pretty sick and empty too
But unlike you I couldn’t make
Those thin red line self tattoos.

You see, I don’t have the luxury,
Left to become hollow and hungry
Just so I can be your carer -
Stop you hurting and causing pain.

I understand, don’t say I don’t
You think it’s just you, and you’re alone?
You’re not, we just hide it better
But you’d never look outside yourself to know…

But please try.

Son for the lost Love

Romance from the beginning
I fell head over heels so deep in love with him
A summer full of love and bliss
Nothing hate could dismiss
You left me as the days grew coldlove grew old
Fighting and crying
Love was dying
I spent nine months sobbing over your spawn
A fatherless monster
Our little bastard
I knew not where to find you
I gave birth to hell, in the flesh
He ripped and tore at my poor little bones
Raised him up, a real man
Something you could never be
Then I found you, and released the heathen onto thee

The hell fuck ground (of misunderstood)      


This persistance
we call existance
has to return to ring
to continuity
or sing , aloud
misunderstood throws out the shroud
and alas no connectivity
is aloud ,
a fucking travesty
to the fuck awful
unlawful
cavity
inside and bound
by a lack of clarity
I think
to sink
down
to the hellfuck ground
my hands cover my crown ,
another
of all mothers
twat faced
and shit laced
yet again clowns,
why not
is a word forgot
I tell you this
for I will not
take the piss
or wield the poisoned hiss
or the fatal
apple eden
bullshit kiss ,
for I know
the show's like this
it blows
out your nose
as the breeze
from your sneeze
and the crap
from your ass
never  recedes
to end
so don't ever dare
call me
a rare fucking friend .

Cloud Of Gray

You fucked me up
Did me wrong..
Look at me!
Is this where I belong?!

Yes I'd spit on you
For all you did
I stiffled those cries
Those tears I hid

All because you
Broke those promises..
I should know by now,
I wouldn't be missed..

So fuck you all,
And have a great day!
For tommorow is better
Without this cloud of gray..

"Today is the Day"

Today
     I woke up yet I feel as though I’m dreaming
     Staggering through my life like a ghost
     With this pearly white shield
     Plastered on my two-faced lips
     And I’m still unsure whether it
Is
     Keeping the world out or locking me in
     Every emotion that I’ve ever felt
     Boils inside my veins
     Threatening to disrupt the peace
     But still I keep on walking
The
     Tears that I’ve swallowed fill up my lungs
     Until I’m left praying for air
    But even I know that
     Oxygen is for the greedy
     And they stole mine long ago
Day
     After day I’ve pressed down the burning
     Flames that lick my ribs and char my heart
     Now not even an ember
     Can survive to stay aglow
     Nothing’s left but emptiness
That
     Numbness that’s wrapped itself around my brain
     Is more frightening than the constant ache
     I’m begging for feeling
     Anything to remind me
     That I’m still alive, so
I
     Drag my nails through my skin to release the monster
     That wretched thing that’s taken over
     Deeper and deeper until
     My sins come rushing out
     And I know that I have
Become
     Everything that I swore I would never be
     Hatred blurs my self blinded eyes
     Until ridding myself of
     My wrongs just isn’t enough
     No, today I must set myself
Free
   

UnHappy Home

When you look
at our house
you see
that all the lights
are on

If you were inside
you would know
that the electricity
is long gone

Staring into his eyes
I don't even know
what to say anymore
Our conversations
are few
and far between

The attraction
is no longer there
and my skin is
cold to the touch
because affection
is rarely ever seen

Tears used to fall
at the thought
of our
growing distance

Now I cringe
at the thought
of leaving
because
its something different

Belonging

I dug the razor into my legs today,
carved your name in flesh and blood.
You don't love me, you don't love me,
the words keep going through my mind
forever on replay. I'm not sure where
I plan to hide or run this time around,
so instead I'll drown out all the sound
with a pill or shot of rum, mix it with
pain and you've got a lot of fun. I can't
seem to come to grip the idea of you being
so nonchalant and living knowing I am not.
I hope you rot in hell and your skin burns,
is devoured by the flames, and I hope my screams
haunt you're every moment and movement. And in death,
may I find the heart you took, my precious belonging.

Redcrystal said:"Today is the Day"

Today
     I woke up yet I feel as though I’m dreaming
     Staggering through my life like a ghost
     With this pearly white shield
     Plastered on my two-faced lips
     And I’m still unsure whether it
Is
     Keeping the world out or locking me in
     Every emotion that I’ve ever felt
     Boils inside my veins
     Threatening to disrupt the peace
     But still I keep on walking
The
     Tears that I’ve swallowed fill up my lungs
     Until I’m left praying for air
    But even I know that
     Oxygen is for the greedy
     And they stole mine long ago
Day
     After day I’ve pressed down the burning
     Flames that lick my ribs and char my heart
     Now not even an ember
     Can survive to stay aglow
     Nothing’s left but emptiness
That
     Numbness that’s wrapped itself around my brain
     Is more frightening than the constant ache
     I’m begging for feeling
     Anything to remind me
     That I’m still alive, so
I
     Drag my nails through my skin to release the monster
     That wretched thing that’s taken over
     Deeper and deeper until
     My sins come rushing out
     And I know that I have
Become
     Everything that I swore I would never be
     Hatred blurs my self blinded eyes
     Until ridding myself of
     My wrongs just isn’t enough
     No, today I must set myself
Free
   


Brilliant structure there.  Bravo.

If I could go,
Back to that day,
And remember how I hated,
Everyword that you would say.

The day before our anniversery,
Oh I was pissed,
I thought I was safe,
We had just kissed.

They were great,
Those three months and twenty-nine days,
Until you started being a bitch,
Let me count the ways.

I gave you all I had,
It wasn't good enough,
If i said you hurt my feelings,
You'd say tough.

I think you were looking for a reason to leave,
There at the end,
You said it would be fine,
You'd still be my frind.

You couldn't do that could you,
That would be too kind,
A better boyfriend,
You will not find.

I was good to you,
I was a fool,
I did what you asked,
I was a tool.

You said I didnt trust you,
Why would I; you're a whore.
I'm  glad you're gone,
You're  not the one my heart longs for,

I used to think the world of you,
Now I see you're bitch,
But you broke my heart,
Now all it does is twitch.

I hope you're  fucking happy,
I'm sure as hell not,
Now my memories,
Are all I've got.

I'm quite sure you cheated,
You had someone new the next day,
Then you spread lies about me,
You told people I'm gay.

I'm not obviously,
How does that even help you,
Doesn't  that make you a coverup,
And make you look bad too?

I haven't told anyone what we did,
I respect you more than that,
You can't say the same,
And thats a fact.

I thought you and I,
Would be together forever,
I was dead wrong,
We can't even look at eachother.

I hope you're happy,
I hope he loves you,
But karmas a bitch,
In the end he will hurt you too.

PierreTheMad said:[quote-85645-Redcrystal]"Today is the Day"

Today
     I woke up yet I feel as though I’m dreaming
     Staggering through my life like a ghost
     With this pearly white shield
     Plastered on my two-faced lips
     And I’m still unsure whether it
Is
     Keeping the world out or locking me in
     Every emotion that I’ve ever felt
     Boils inside my veins
     Threatening to disrupt the peace
     But still I keep on walking
The
     Tears that I’ve swallowed fill up my lungs
     Until I’m left praying for air
    But even I know that
     Oxygen is for the greedy
     And they stole mine long ago
Day
     After day I’ve pressed down the burning
     Flames that lick my ribs and char my heart
     Now not even an ember
     Can survive to stay aglow
     Nothing’s left but emptiness
That
     Numbness that’s wrapped itself around my brain
     Is more frightening than the constant ache
     I’m begging for feeling
     Anything to remind me
     That I’m still alive, so
I
     Drag my nails through my skin to release the monster
     That wretched thing that’s taken over
     Deeper and deeper until
     My sins come rushing out
     And I know that I have
Become
     Everything that I swore I would never be
     Hatred blurs my self blinded eyes
     Until ridding myself of
     My wrongs just isn’t enough
     No, today I must set myself
Free
   


Brilliant structure there.  Bravo.[/quote]

Thank you(:

hatterwithhorns said:If I could go,
Back to that day,
And remember how I hated,
Everyword that you would say.

The day before our anniversery,
Oh I was pissed,
I thought I was safe,
We had just kissed.

They were great,
Those three months and twenty-nine days,
Until you started being a bitch,
Let me count the ways.

I gave you all I had,
It wasn't good enough,
If i said you hurt my feelings,
You'd say tough.

I think you were looking for a reason to leave,
There at the end,
You said it would be fine,
You'd still be my frind.

You couldn't do that could you,
That would be too kind,
A better boyfriend,
You will not find.

I was good to you,
I was a fool,
I did what you asked,
I was a tool.

You said I didnt trust you,
Why would I; you're a whore.
I'm  glad you're gone,
You're  not the one my heart longs for,

I used to think the world of you,
Now I see you're bitch,
But you broke my heart,
Now all it does is twitch.

I hope you're  fucking happy,
I'm sure as hell not,
Now my memories,
Are all I've got.

I'm quite sure you cheated,
You had someone new the next day,
Then you spread lies about me,
You told people I'm gay.

I'm not obviously,
How does that even help you,
Doesn't  that make you a coverup,
And make you look bad too?

I haven't told anyone what we did,
I respect you more than that,
You can't say the same,
And thats a fact.

I thought you and I,
Would be together forever,
I was dead wrong,
We can't even look at eachother.

I hope you're happy,
I hope he loves you,
But karmas a bitch,
In the end he will hurt you too.



That..was amazing...