Page:
Gimme me 'ANY' Criticism...
I've never finished a piece of prose... ever...
This is another unfinished attempt at a write.
I imagine it had a direction, which was lost 50 times along the way, and this is what is left of my attempt.... I struggled A LOT with suicidology. I'm over it now... just saying.
==
never ending, always repeating and changing.
like reloading a revolver, over and over.
the soul inside dunced and left hanging.
i have been left to suffer the burden of never knowing what it is I do not know. I now know why it is I have been punished. At a glance it appears as If I will never be releaved of my lifes trajedy. Hope stirs beneath the surface. Allowing me to breathe for a moments time. What will I do when I can no longer hope? The pain will come back and drag me below. As it has done many times before. So many times before that I can no longer remember how many times I have fallen under. I must remember that living through this is more important then killing myself. I must remind myself it could be worse. I must remind myself I will see the end.
This is another unfinished attempt at a write.
I imagine it had a direction, which was lost 50 times along the way, and this is what is left of my attempt.... I struggled A LOT with suicidology. I'm over it now... just saying.
==
never ending, always repeating and changing.
like reloading a revolver, over and over.
the soul inside dunced and left hanging.
i have been left to suffer the burden of never knowing what it is I do not know. I now know why it is I have been punished. At a glance it appears as If I will never be releaved of my lifes trajedy. Hope stirs beneath the surface. Allowing me to breathe for a moments time. What will I do when I can no longer hope? The pain will come back and drag me below. As it has done many times before. So many times before that I can no longer remember how many times I have fallen under. I must remember that living through this is more important then killing myself. I must remind myself it could be worse. I must remind myself I will see the end.
Given the title of the thread, it seems that you want some constructive feedback. From my perspective, I am a bit confused by the first stanza. As a reader I need a little guidance in the first stanza.
The part “never ending….” Needs a subject. For example,
“never ending struggle with thought
Always repeating
Ever changing coming from a different direction
…
The part “never ending….” Needs a subject. For example,
“never ending struggle with thought
Always repeating
Ever changing coming from a different direction
…
I feel you have to complete the stanza and the prose will follow an example is"
never ending, always repeating and changing.
like reloading a revolver, over and over.
the soul inside dunced and left hanging.
Always starting, can never end, circling back
to the beginning that never bends
what's left of a soul incomplete
From there, you can build on the prose, I feel. But that is just my opinion.
never ending, always repeating and changing.
like reloading a revolver, over and over.
the soul inside dunced and left hanging.
Always starting, can never end, circling back
to the beginning that never bends
what's left of a soul incomplete
From there, you can build on the prose, I feel. But that is just my opinion.
