Cafe Critique 3 The Sonnet
David_Macleod
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Poetry Contest Description
Write A Scottish Sonnet
I want you to attempt to write a "Scottish Sonnet". It does differ in some ways to traditional sonnets, (No iambic pentameter) but is a sonnet all the same, Just with a twist.
Here is the format:
14 lines long
Averaging 7 - 10 syllables each line
3 stanzas of 4 lines followed by a couplet (ie: Two lines)
The first 2 stanzas should concentrate on negative comments on someone or something
the 3rd stanza should be the "Volta" - a turn or backtracking opinion
The finishing couplet can be anything you want relating to your subject - doesn't have to be a resolution
The rhyming scheme is: aabb - ccdd - eeff - gg
It should include 4 Scottish words, but this is optional
3 weeks
collabs allowed
new writes
as many entries as you like
Just have fun
Here is an example:
The Truth Is Too Boring,..... by David Macleod
I shout, he should stop playing the victim card (a)
He might be disabled but life's not hard (a)
He should get off his (erse) not be lazy (b)
The kind of man that drives me crazy (b)
Forever (greets) about his lot in life (c)
Abuse, pain, PTSD, Bipolar and his ex-wife (c)
Claims being bullied but is it any wonder (d)
Hope he's (deed) soon like a clap of thunder (d)
Being a narcissist I never feel guilt (e)
Maybe I should start, there's no legs in his kilt (e)
Maybe I (shouldnae) tell lies about him at all (f)
If he died, would I feel regret at all (f)
Can't help it, I hate him, and others too (g)
I'm (sae) glad I'm me I'd hate to be you (g)
Scottish words:
Erse = ass
Deed = dead
Sae = so
shouldnae = should not
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
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jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
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Joined 9th Nov 2015 Forum Posts: 5134
Why Do Ye Smile?
( a Scottish sonnet, yano )
The world’s such a mess so why do ye smile?
There’s smoke in my face, I cannae see why.
You crawl on the ground, you must be a beast,
I’ll set light the house and have me a feast!
Before I do that, I’ll fatten you up,
With haggis I’ll stuff until you erupt.
I’ll roast you alive, I won’t kill you deed,
And fix up some chips to have on the seed.
Sae what do ye think me sheep bladder scruff,
Yer temp’rature’s right, I think it’s enough.
Just sit on yer erse, you look kinda pale,
As this is a first, I’ll pour us some ale.
Later, let’s have something special to eat;
Warmed-over haggis the next time we meet.
The world’s such a mess so why do ye smile?
There’s smoke in my face, I cannae see why.
You crawl on the ground, you must be a beast,
I’ll set light the house and have me a feast!
Before I do that, I’ll fatten you up,
With haggis I’ll stuff until you erupt.
I’ll roast you alive, I won’t kill you deed,
And fix up some chips to have on the seed.
Sae what do ye think me sheep bladder scruff,
Yer temp’rature’s right, I think it’s enough.
Just sit on yer erse, you look kinda pale,
As this is a first, I’ll pour us some ale.
Later, let’s have something special to eat;
Warmed-over haggis the next time we meet.
Written by Jade-Pandora
(jade tiger)
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Scottish words:
erse = ass
deed = dead
seed = side
Sae = so
cannae = can not
David_Macleod
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excellent first entry Jade - and you use the Scottish words - Go You! :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
David_Macleod
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Tree Huggers - - A Scottish Sonnet
Ok! What now! were gonna save the planet
Chatting with trees and a fuckin gannet
Climate change is horse shit theory, junk science
(Poorr) cuts, put it (doon), that modern appliance
Save the whale, the panda and the tiger
Please (dinnae) let those climbers climb the Eiger
Fuckin hippies and their fucked floral scheme
As the cash rolls in, in their pants, they cream
What is the solution to pollution
Can't seek contribution absolution
It's fuckin clear, the trend should be well bucked
If we don't love each other (wur) (awwe) fucked
Man is a parasite causing friction
The earth will earmark them for extinction
Scottish Words (5)
(Poorr) = power
(doon) = down
(dinnae) = don't
(wur) = we are
(awwe) = all
NOT A COMPETITION ENTRY
Ok! What now! were gonna save the planet
Chatting with trees and a fuckin gannet
Climate change is horse shit theory, junk science
(Poorr) cuts, put it (doon), that modern appliance
Save the whale, the panda and the tiger
Please (dinnae) let those climbers climb the Eiger
Fuckin hippies and their fucked floral scheme
As the cash rolls in, in their pants, they cream
What is the solution to pollution
Can't seek contribution absolution
It's fuckin clear, the trend should be well bucked
If we don't love each other (wur) (awwe) fucked
Man is a parasite causing friction
The earth will earmark them for extinction
Scottish Words (5)
(Poorr) = power
(doon) = down
(dinnae) = don't
(wur) = we are
(awwe) = all
NOT A COMPETITION ENTRY
David_Macleod
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{ Waits Patiently }
Razzerleaf
Forum Posts: 525
Fire of Insight
27
Joined 15th Sep 2019 Forum Posts: 525
Love's forgotten fight (Scottish Sonnet)
So why now, does her face cold crack,
fingers drawn, stretched tight to scratch,
split lipped her frown, as a thunder brews,
mouth opens, with words I canea use,
apologies spat back, writhed on her tongue,
press tight to her anger, flaying held strong,
ceramic sand cloud, cuts deep into flesh,
with struggles fading, her ambitions I test,
fine muscle relaxes, guilt loosens my grip,
light softens her tones, embraced lips bit,
my eyes give chase to our hiding place,
probing mouths race the passion we taste,
how frantic now our coupling calls flight,
low down we caress love's forgotten fight.
fingers drawn, stretched tight to scratch,
split lipped her frown, as a thunder brews,
mouth opens, with words I canea use,
apologies spat back, writhed on her tongue,
press tight to her anger, flaying held strong,
ceramic sand cloud, cuts deep into flesh,
with struggles fading, her ambitions I test,
fine muscle relaxes, guilt loosens my grip,
light softens her tones, embraced lips bit,
my eyes give chase to our hiding place,
probing mouths race the passion we taste,
how frantic now our coupling calls flight,
low down we caress love's forgotten fight.
Written by Razzerleaf
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David_Macleod
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Fantastic entry Razzerleaf :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
slipalong
Forum Posts: 855
Dangerous Mind
43
Joined 1st Jan 2018Forum Posts: 855
Braveheart
Tartan clad, resplendant in just a short skirt
Hairy parts the modesty, the wind tries to subvert
A" dirk" as sharp that ripped the socks to bits
"Sporran" where a highlander never keeps a tip
The noise like the cats refuge is on fire
Bagpipes "scurl" a blown up bladder, dire
Ginger hair would you wear all that attire
March ahead across the windy moorland "mire"
To defend the homeland from the "Sassenachs"
A"Claymore" and courage to repel their attacks
William Wallace, the wild and the wily fox
Gauntlet of the land those thistles held aloft
That tale that some may laugh and ridicule
Whiskeys fire and malt brewed in those "braw" people
"dirk" short dagger
"sporran" small ornamental purse
"sassenack" english saxon
"claymore" Scottish broadsword
"braw" brave
William Wallace see Google
Hairy parts the modesty, the wind tries to subvert
A" dirk" as sharp that ripped the socks to bits
"Sporran" where a highlander never keeps a tip
The noise like the cats refuge is on fire
Bagpipes "scurl" a blown up bladder, dire
Ginger hair would you wear all that attire
March ahead across the windy moorland "mire"
To defend the homeland from the "Sassenachs"
A"Claymore" and courage to repel their attacks
William Wallace, the wild and the wily fox
Gauntlet of the land those thistles held aloft
That tale that some may laugh and ridicule
Whiskeys fire and malt brewed in those "braw" people
"dirk" short dagger
"sporran" small ornamental purse
"sassenack" english saxon
"claymore" Scottish broadsword
"braw" brave
William Wallace see Google
Written by slipalong
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eswaller
Forum Posts: 763
Dangerous Mind
31
Joined 22nd Dec 2015Forum Posts: 763
Take You Home (Scottish Sonnet)
The days, so dreary and dark.
The hours, desolate and stark
Like the first days of winter.
All the minutes have splintered
And broke apart like fractured
Sunlight. There is manufactured
Love and happiness to make
The world happy, but one takes
It away. The real smile is there
Between the cracks and I swear
One day that the world will be
Happy again. One day the sea
Takes you home after long days.
There you will feel sunshine rays.
The hours, desolate and stark
Like the first days of winter.
All the minutes have splintered
And broke apart like fractured
Sunlight. There is manufactured
Love and happiness to make
The world happy, but one takes
It away. The real smile is there
Between the cracks and I swear
One day that the world will be
Happy again. One day the sea
Takes you home after long days.
There you will feel sunshine rays.
Written by eswaller
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David_Macleod
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Epic, wonderful stuff slipalong - Great use of Scottish words
David_Macleod
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Wonderful entry eswaller very strong indeed :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
David_Macleod
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Not long to go now - get those entries in :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
David_Macleod
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wow! cloventongue89 another excellent entry - Did you have a tune in mind????
wallyroo92
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Tyrant of Words
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Joined 11th July 2012Forum Posts: 1871
Generations
(a Scottish Sonnet)
I heard these little weans and their humor,
Calling me Karen like I’m some boomer,
But the wee eejits can’t tell me apart,
Because I’m really Gen-Xer at heart.
"Don’t be ignorant, educate yourself,
I have volumes of history on my shelf,
I have books with just aboot any topic,
Then you’ll see your views are just myopic.
If you want to talk shite about my age,
Best believe tiny plebe I got some rage,
Generations before you kicked some arse,
So shut your mouth because you are the farce.
Learn about others first and show respect,
Watch what you say or else you will get checked."
I heard these little weans and their humor,
Calling me Karen like I’m some boomer,
But the wee eejits can’t tell me apart,
Because I’m really Gen-Xer at heart.
"Don’t be ignorant, educate yourself,
I have volumes of history on my shelf,
I have books with just aboot any topic,
Then you’ll see your views are just myopic.
If you want to talk shite about my age,
Best believe tiny plebe I got some rage,
Generations before you kicked some arse,
So shut your mouth because you are the farce.
Learn about others first and show respect,
Watch what you say or else you will get checked."
Written by wallyroo92
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