Hypothetically speaking.....

New writes
No collabs
Not too long as I get lost easily
Hint: I love to laugh
GO!

It Could Be Worse

You could be walking down the street,
your undies drop down, 'round your feet,
and then you lunge, and fall and trip,
and land your face in pigeon shit.

Or maybe awaken from a dream
and life is not what it once seemed;
It's really 1942,
you're in Germany, and a Jew...

You might've won the lottery,
the prize: cash from "Monopoly",
or while wearing your new pants-suit,
had your period and bled right through.

You're in New York, with sights to see
below a vomitter on a balcony,
or in a bathroom with a nanny-cam,
no toilet paper... use your hand...

Or how 'bout that restaurant--looks pretty good,
but once inside, they pre-chew your food...
And don't forget the joke's on you
when your dog, decides to poo

on your bed while you're asleep,
tossing and turning within the sheets.
See?  There's always something way more bad
than any day you've ever had!  

haha thanks ML!  I always say "it could be worse." loved it and you <3

Fortune Teller

She claimed to be
a Teller of Fortunes
sitting in her priestess chair
sporting big bleach blond hair
on an Oceanside pier,
shamelessly courting every
single, engaged, married,
divorced, widowed and gay man
just by the call of her so-called "magical hands".

I was hooked
and baited when I stopped
and she stated
Fortunes could be told
through the slit of a man's penis.

Oh, Genius!

Back in her tent,
down on her knees
poised and straight
she tried to create
an illusion of no lust
only the trust in her beliefs.

But it was hard to concentrate
when I started to debate
whether I wanted this woman's
mouth on my cock?

It wasn't 'til she yanked down my pants
and grasped onto my dick
making this fortune quicker than a quickie
especially when her thumb
begun to massage my slit.

And just as I was on the verge
of spewing cum
between her glossy red lips
she flicked my dick,
got up from her knees,
tilted her head
and said:

"You want a hamburger
stuffed in a teapot
and a virgin Genie
to be the cherry
on top of your sundae.
But the pixie chic
who sold you her pixie shit
dismembered her wings
and now your fucked!"

"What?"
I screamed
"What the fuck does that supposed to mean?"

"You want McDonald's,
and an Iced Tea,
and a strawberry sundae
'cause supposedly
you're not having a "very fun day".
'Cause the shit you smoked was a fucking joke.
And that dealer fairy
named Fucking Larry (really)
overdosed on his shit  
from sniffing it off some whore's clit.
Now he's about to die
and now you're about to cry."



Damn. . .she was good!

Devlin, enjoyed immensely! thanks and love to you! <3

Slap

I wrote this ode to make you laugh
To make you chuckle, send you daft
To make you snort your coffee out
To make you pee and fall about
Forget about that old Slapstick
My new invention is called SlapDick
See a man demanding honey
Slap his dick it’s surely funny
Gets you out of your depression
Slapping cock as self expression

A man presents his dick to you
For you to lick, to suck or chew
Pre-warn him you have got the clap
Then give his dick a good hard slap

You want to crush him like a rock?
Pull your hand back, slap his cock

Become a small cock extremist
Fear not his wrath and slap his penis

If he pulls out his trouser snake
Slap it hard for slapping sake

He offers up his large manhood
Just say “No!” and slap it good

He holds out his Pocket rocket
Slap it silly, go on sock it

He will say it’s his love muscle
Slap it hard and do not tussle

His meat thermometer, check if hot
Ignore the length and slap the lot

If he shows you his pleasure pump
Turn your slap into a thump

He asks you blow on his pork flute
Just slap it hard and do not toot

No excuse, he needs a wee-wee
Slap that wee-wee out his pee-pee

No sad face, no furled brow
See; I know you’re laughing now

haha David Im still laughing!  LOVE! <3

When I’m depressed lonely and sad
Watch back to back episodes of breaking bad
Repeat the dialogue down to the letter
Somehow this makes me feel better

Fuck my boss its duvet day
So, gloomy become a gothic cliché
I guess I have Netflix to thank
For encouraging another tearful wank

WW is dead? Big bang theory time
Is being a geek really a crime?
When I see penny without a doubt
Under my duvet knock a crafty one out

Covered in man mess feeling worse
Being a boy is sometimes a curse
And cos I’m feeling so fucking down
Assume Sheldon cooper is giving me a frown

Fucking Netflix is judging me
Anticipating my twisted personality
Suggesting shit when I am sad
Fuck you I already watched breaking bad

Netflix do me a solid bro
Please suggest a decent show
So, that next time I have a wank
Its Netflix I have to thank


Left in a messy afterglow
Foxtrot uniform Charlie kilo
Porntube just makes me sad
Let’s just re-watch breaking bad

Composed, that was great!  LOL.. <3

PHAT

It was a rarity to see
You as my sexy lover be
Upon a wanted poster that
Had shown a giant boner phat!

My brain agog in disbelief
I felt like shouting Where's the beef!
At just wherever it was at
You had your giant boner phat!

I ran out quickly from the post
To see just how much truth was boast
And find how many there were that
Have had your giant boner phat!

I take that looking for the truth
Was more in keeping for a sleuth
And so I paid a woman flat
To find the fabled "wonder" phat!

But knowing you it wasn't long
(Or even short or thin your schlong)
The private dick had told me that
There was no truth to all the phat!

I blinked and thought of Photoshop
Of how you made a skillful crop
Your package looking like a bat
To hit a home run with your phat!

But now you'll find the joke's on you
You thought I didn't have a clue
The private dick is where it's at
She's got a fatter one than that!

Jade, spectacular!  Im still laughing!  <3

ha!  nice mike thanks! <3

BUMPITY!