Story Poems Seeking Honest Critique
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poetry about Dreams, Fantasy and Fiction
Honest critique has been requested for these poems. Want to learn the art of critique? Join our Honestly Crafted Critique group.
Babuska's sarmale
In a snowy Romanian village, during Christmas cheer,
my Babuska spun tales, both delightful and queer.
The tradition was sarmale, a savory delight,
Cabbage wrapped treasures, cooked all through the night.
Meat and rice nestled in leaves so green,
simmered in tomato, a feast so serene.
But woven in laughter and holiday charms
were Babuska’s stories with their quirky alarms:
"Behave well, dear children, lest you wish to be seen
in the pot with the sarmale, simmering and lean."
The children would giggle, eyes...
my Babuska spun tales, both delightful and queer.
The tradition was sarmale, a savory delight,
Cabbage wrapped treasures, cooked all through the night.
Meat and rice nestled in leaves so green,
simmered in tomato, a feast so serene.
But woven in laughter and holiday charms
were Babuska’s stories with their quirky alarms:
"Behave well, dear children, lest you wish to be seen
in the pot with the sarmale, simmering and lean."
The children would giggle, eyes...
#children
#Christmas
#culture
#family
#narrative
66 reads
9 Comments
The Painful Train Ride
On the LIRR to Penn Station
Hot
Thick
I can smell myself
The floor is covered with garbage
I see a girl on the platform when we stop at the next town
I wish
I wish I could lift myself from this seat and touch her
I don't want to break her arm though
Do you want to know me?
My pain would crush your rib cage
I could love you
I wish I could stop running
Hot
Thick
I can smell myself
The floor is covered with garbage
I see a girl on the platform when we stop at the next town
I wish
I wish I could lift myself from this seat and touch her
I don't want to break her arm though
Do you want to know me?
My pain would crush your rib cage
I could love you
I wish I could stop running
#anxiety
#courage
#fear
#love
#suffering
81 reads
6 Comments
Searchin for death
Death
I've been looking for you
I have choked life
Shook it by it's scrawny neck
Fucked the taste out of it's mouth
Made it scream
Making it want to die
Now I'm walking alone on the cinder trail
Come on
Show me what you got!
I've been looking for you
I have choked life
Shook it by it's scrawny neck
Fucked the taste out of it's mouth
Made it scream
Making it want to die
Now I'm walking alone on the cinder trail
Come on
Show me what you got!
#conflict
#dark
#death
#fate
#LifeStruggles
82 reads
8 Comments
Acidic Flash
Inside all war there lies conspiracy
There's nothing to believe but lies
Raging fires on the innocent
While the dead watch from the skies
They take the blind man to the killing field
To play in someone else's game
Let the lesser lands be torn apart
And bring them here to bear the shame
Acidic Flash
Burns my eyes
Acidic Flash
Buried Alive
Severed spirits hanging in the wind
Tear the truth apart from lies
A sordid effigy of past mistakes
Their heroism lost in time
They send...
There's nothing to believe but lies
Raging fires on the innocent
While the dead watch from the skies
They take the blind man to the killing field
To play in someone else's game
Let the lesser lands be torn apart
And bring them here to bear the shame
Acidic Flash
Burns my eyes
Acidic Flash
Buried Alive
Severed spirits hanging in the wind
Tear the truth apart from lies
A sordid effigy of past mistakes
Their heroism lost in time
They send...
#heroic
#lies
#satirical
#soldiers
#war
52 reads
6 Comments
NYC's Guardian Angels
When you're down in the dirty gutter
Speak out, Call our names
We will lift you to another level
We fire it up, You wont hit the floor
When you walk on the ground that's sour
No need to pray, We're here to stay
You know the number when you dial to heaven
Turn it up and you will reach them today
We're like the angels
Falling from the sky, Make a wish and we'll be there
We want to guide you through violence and despair
We are the saviors from the other side
We bring your heart and soul back to life
When your hope...
Speak out, Call our names
We will lift you to another level
We fire it up, You wont hit the floor
When you walk on the ground that's sour
No need to pray, We're here to stay
You know the number when you dial to heaven
Turn it up and you will reach them today
We're like the angels
Falling from the sky, Make a wish and we'll be there
We want to guide you through violence and despair
We are the saviors from the other side
We bring your heart and soul back to life
When your hope...
#city
#corruption
#hope
#support
#violence
66 reads
6 Comments
The Journey
You slowly ooze
your sludgy head and foot
out of the hard yet fragile home
you carry on your back.
Eyes cautiously extend,
slimy feelers emerge and reach out
examining the air around:
all is still but the sun softly rising
so you start your long journey
across the walk in search of leafy greens.
Morning dew keeps you wet and content;
golden rays make your trail sparkle.
Thump, thump, the sidewalk shakes;
you feel the pounding getting closer.
A shadow overhead covers you in darkness,
and you crawl as...
your sludgy head and foot
out of the hard yet fragile home
you carry on your back.
Eyes cautiously extend,
slimy feelers emerge and reach out
examining the air around:
all is still but the sun softly rising
so you start your long journey
across the walk in search of leafy greens.
Morning dew keeps you wet and content;
golden rays make your trail sparkle.
Thump, thump, the sidewalk shakes;
you feel the pounding getting closer.
A shadow overhead covers you in darkness,
and you crawl as...
#fate
#fiction
#narrative #nature
#narrative #nature
43 reads
0 Comments
the moon
the wind passes through my heart
it should have seen everything of thine
whilst thou do look at the moon,me too,from another side
i see only a side of her,thou bright torch of mine
a torch which is filled with the light of love so
i can cross the darkest depths with it but...
when i get the torch time has filed
where the light used to be white would turned into black
that gorgeous, stunning moon's pieces are
going away,daily but i could hardly see it
so it's going to be black one day
and i'll loose the path ,because it's...
it should have seen everything of thine
whilst thou do look at the moon,me too,from another side
i see only a side of her,thou bright torch of mine
a torch which is filled with the light of love so
i can cross the darkest depths with it but...
when i get the torch time has filed
where the light used to be white would turned into black
that gorgeous, stunning moon's pieces are
going away,daily but i could hardly see it
so it's going to be black one day
and i'll loose the path ,because it's...
#sky
37 reads
0 Comments
Twisted Truths
Blindfolded
and stuffed into this wagon
Subjected
to more than you can handle
Pressuring
ensure acceleration
Gravity
cannot restrain the tension
Endlessly
can't you see
there are no limitations
Stability
a term that has no meaning
Set me free
infinity revealing
Deaden my awareness of conclusions
Persistent
while reasoning delusions
Lift the weight of the world from my shoulders
back and forth we live with unresolved problems
and stuffed into this wagon
Subjected
to more than you can handle
Pressuring
ensure acceleration
Gravity
cannot restrain the tension
Endlessly
can't you see
there are no limitations
Stability
a term that has no meaning
Set me free
infinity revealing
Deaden my awareness of conclusions
Persistent
while reasoning delusions
Lift the weight of the world from my shoulders
back and forth we live with unresolved problems
#anxiety
#escape
#LifeStruggles
#vulnerability
#weakness
83 reads
11 Comments
There is so much more
I see a light shining ever so brightly.
Shall I take time, address it in cleverness politely?
I bow before something far beyond the fleshly.
He tells me not to bow and only gently he reminds me.
I am your passage not your keeper, not your friend.
Sent by Him who is to take you where you haven't been.
My head spun in fright as he stood up to his full hight; his body shone like the sunshine.
Please do not fear me sir, I've only come to guide you.
Where we will go is hell unknown to mortals who appear here.
Downwards I continued until hell I...
Shall I take time, address it in cleverness politely?
I bow before something far beyond the fleshly.
He tells me not to bow and only gently he reminds me.
I am your passage not your keeper, not your friend.
Sent by Him who is to take you where you haven't been.
My head spun in fright as he stood up to his full hight; his body shone like the sunshine.
Please do not fear me sir, I've only come to guide you.
Where we will go is hell unknown to mortals who appear here.
Downwards I continued until hell I...
#hell
#nightmares
39 reads
0 Comments
Do you know your LIMITATIONS
Just when we thought it was over and done 🤨 life, has a way of entering into our lives with raw and uncut emotions, with the deepness of pure energy of positivity and perseverance. Within a solid attitude of determination of a double edge sword that cuts both ways deeper than deep.
🗡️ For sure through this life we all will go through a lot in some ways, that is the truth of somethings, that we all will never truly understand. THE how and why this is really, happening to us. But yet we have to learn more than what you think you know. For it is true everything has...
🗡️ For sure through this life we all will go through a lot in some ways, that is the truth of somethings, that we all will never truly understand. THE how and why this is really, happening to us. But yet we have to learn more than what you think you know. For it is true everything has...
#courage
#kindness
#love
#strength
#TimeHeals
64 reads
0 Comments
Traveler’s Repose
Silver, shimmering, rippling pool
Luster of chrome, oh so cool.
Inviting the weary traveler near
To wonder what enchantments linger here.
Were a sprite’s wings fluttering near my head?
Did I glimpse an old gnome with his cap of red?
Is it dryads who make the trees to stir?
Are they talking now, in but a whisper?
The traveler drinks, never certain
What he did or didn’t see behind that curtain
Surrounding a shimmering, rippling pool
Luster of chrome, oh so cool.
Luster of chrome, oh so cool.
Inviting the weary traveler near
To wonder what enchantments linger here.
Were a sprite’s wings fluttering near my head?
Did I glimpse an old gnome with his cap of red?
Is it dryads who make the trees to stir?
Are they talking now, in but a whisper?
The traveler drinks, never certain
What he did or didn’t see behind that curtain
Surrounding a shimmering, rippling pool
Luster of chrome, oh so cool.
#dreams
59 reads
1 Comment
My "Ea" Series: Chapter III. The Great Music of Creation (continuation - 2)
(...)
The Ainur gathered in a choir,
each a master of a Sound,
some sang deeper, some did higher,
to the Choice of Music Bound.
For they uttered their Music,
the Symphony of Life in Colour.
they Filled the Void with Cubic
expressions of an inner Lore.
The Emptiness ceased to be devoid.
Now it was alive and emanating,
echoing fractals unveiling in Astroids,
Sacred Geometry Circles creating.
The Glory of their Song was Hailing
before Eru, their Father of the Form.
Never after was heard such a...
The Ainur gathered in a choir,
each a master of a Sound,
some sang deeper, some did higher,
to the Choice of Music Bound.
For they uttered their Music,
the Symphony of Life in Colour.
they Filled the Void with Cubic
expressions of an inner Lore.
The Emptiness ceased to be devoid.
Now it was alive and emanating,
echoing fractals unveiling in Astroids,
Sacred Geometry Circles creating.
The Glory of their Song was Hailing
before Eru, their Father of the Form.
Never after was heard such a...
#apocalypse
#evil
#God
#JRRTolkien
#morality
63 reads
6 Comments
DU Poetry : Story Poems Seeking Critique about Dreams, Fantasy and Fiction (Page 2)