I wish i could really live

Floating in a sea of disbelief,
What I see I try to disassociate from,
But the problems have already begun,
I don't got a lot of wisdom,
So at times I may play the young victim
I fear who the man in mirror becomes,
The symptoms of a mysterious visit to existence,
But I just need to be one,
I recognize nothing worth having is easily won,
I know my struggle has just begun,
I can no longer run
Honestly I didn't know I could feel this empty,
Self-defeated and ugly,
Never comfy,
Go on and judge me,
Detect the tension all up in my head,
I can't even understand my senses,
So I must move past these false pretenses,
Break down these fences in my mind,
To be honest most days I don't even try,
Hypocritically I ask, "Why am I the same as yesterday",
I apparently don't even take my fate seriously,
As I vicarious live and avoid healing,
I need to make something from these feelings,
Break through this created ceiling,
Instead I steal my own dignity and discard it...
What’s the meaning of all of this?
I wish I could quit,
nah... I just wish I could really live,