Reconstruction

You'll find me in the darkness
Giving up my sanity
Not losing it
But consenting to mental reconstruction
Ready to go out of my mind
If I can't stop this beating heart
Whenever it pumps blood
It only tears me apart
Let the blades lead to extraction
An irrational reaction
Keep my love and compassion in the lab
For those who need it but don't have it
Sense never was that common
It was with me
But there's not much use in being rare
Unless you like your emotions raw
And a little hard to digest

These tears will turn to acid
Burning every inch of my face
Eating the pain from my flesh
New scars to cover the old
Let the transformation begin
I shall become someone else
Nearly unrecognizable
In truth a detriment to myself
Electroshock the brain
Isn't that good for my mental health?
You know who you want me to be
Reach deep inside
Remove traces of identity
Scrape off every remnant
Amputate where necessary
Don't tell me I'll need it one day
I won't!
And I don't

This ship once wanted to sail
But fuck it I'll just float
Doesn't matter where I drift
The waves can take me with them
Everyone likes water
And I'm thirsty for more
I'll wave goodbye before I go under
Don't worry

Just call it reconstructive surgery
To fix the broken that's been hurting me
To care is an illness
And it seems terminal
I'd rather get the best of me
Before it will
Funny how what you think is the best in you
Can turn to your worst
How humanity can test your limits
And cause things to burst
Authenticity can't survive
In a place made of lies
Emotional and mental suicide
Still means you're alive
Because the physical hides
The parts of you that die
And so they'll think I'm still living
When really I'm just existing
A smile says I'm persisting
So they believe as long as I'm quiet
We turn the enemy into ourselves
The moment we make friends with silence

Can't you see? I just want to look in the mirror
And admire the new reflection
Knowing the glass won't break this time
Because it likes my material better
Telling me I'm beautiful
When artificially put together
Because the old me doesn't look good
How can you look good when you feel too much?
You only get sick
And everyone gets tired

When the mirror breaks
It feels like a reflection of me
Intertwined in the same space
We smash to bits
I suppose that's why I listen to it
When it reveals imperfections
But why must I cut myself on pieces
When my hands clean up the mess
Just like I slice myself to pieces
When trying to fix what seems wrecked
I inhale shards of glass from the mirror's splatter
And choke on ones of my own fragments
Leaving me more broken than before
That's never the intention
It's clear that feeling deeply is flawed
That's what it always told me
"Freeze your face with deceptive ice"
"Tears can't fall that way""
That's what everyone else does
Emotional botox
Brighter the smile deeper the pain
Injections of filler happiness to the heart
Damage on your nerves? Nerve damage
Lose sensation in pain receptors
Everything's better when you're unaffected

Reshape, reform, erase
The world is a disgrace
Teach me to con
Help deception and manipulation form
Isn't that what you mean by "conform?"
When you tell me to become part of the norm