untitled 5.7.16

Success does not define you,
Rise above it.
If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.
I rack my brain for more empty, contrived, platitudes,
In an attempt to mollify the ache.
I keep looking at you and seeing the bright joy I wanted so badly.
You took what I wanted and yes.
I’m jealous
I want so badly to not have to sit behind the constant row of reserved seats,
Watching my dream unfold in front of me.
Watching you all laugh at inside jokes I have no hope of ever understanding.
You have already gone where I have no hope of ever following.
Part of me still thinks I’ll wake up from this nightmare and be seven again.
Time enough to warn myself not to get involved,
Not to have hopes or aspirations.
But I know this is real. I just ached and prayed
To be part of something bigger than an ensemble,
Bigger than the audience, bigger than myself.
I wanted so badly to feel valued.
I gave all of me and got nothing in recompence.
And you got everything and then some for what?