deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dragon Slayer
She used to fight dragons in her dreams,
Swords flying and blood being shed
The girl used to always triumph in her made up battles
And a grin sprouted upon her face as the morning sun grew in
She walked to school with some sort of swagger
That made all of the kids of the school yard gather
To hear her golden laughter
And just to make the bland world seem a tiny bit brighter
But she, one and only ray of sunshine, soon faced her own dark cloud
The dragons in her dreams became real,
And they were not as easily distinguished
Without her glowing eyes and stories, she couldn’t realize because of her others lives growing darker
Her loud and joyful household grew quieter
The kitchen which was once a place for jokes and family time seemed deserted,
As so did the rest of the home
The girl looked around at the ones she loved, growing sad upon watching their souls wither
To all the carefree kids who spirits are lost,
You can make your own light
In this twisted time of utter darkness, find the tiny bit of sunshine in the corner of the chaos
And depend on that to help you make it through your fight
The dim home was now filled with hope
Even though her dragons, cold blooded and vicious were swarming around
That ray of sunshine helped her cope
And soon the dragons were no more than a dream far, far, away
She walked back to school and yet again made the world grin
The girl who used to question the kids were watery eyes now knew
That they’re dream dragons came to life
And during that fight any and every emotion would strike
Now, the bright girl was now an adult
Even though her real life dragons were many, she knew inside that the young dragon slayer she was in her dreams was still alive
So she faced our sad world, and greeted it with a smile just for the sake of it
Cause every dragon slayer knows that true hope is a beast’s worst weakness
So fellow warrior, please know that the love in our world is plenty
And that your dragons aren’t as strong as they seem,
And you’re not as frail as you believe
For everyone here is their own warrior, with their own dragons, and some don’t even know they are yet
Swords flying and blood being shed
The girl used to always triumph in her made up battles
And a grin sprouted upon her face as the morning sun grew in
She walked to school with some sort of swagger
That made all of the kids of the school yard gather
To hear her golden laughter
And just to make the bland world seem a tiny bit brighter
But she, one and only ray of sunshine, soon faced her own dark cloud
The dragons in her dreams became real,
And they were not as easily distinguished
Without her glowing eyes and stories, she couldn’t realize because of her others lives growing darker
Her loud and joyful household grew quieter
The kitchen which was once a place for jokes and family time seemed deserted,
As so did the rest of the home
The girl looked around at the ones she loved, growing sad upon watching their souls wither
To all the carefree kids who spirits are lost,
You can make your own light
In this twisted time of utter darkness, find the tiny bit of sunshine in the corner of the chaos
And depend on that to help you make it through your fight
The dim home was now filled with hope
Even though her dragons, cold blooded and vicious were swarming around
That ray of sunshine helped her cope
And soon the dragons were no more than a dream far, far, away
She walked back to school and yet again made the world grin
The girl who used to question the kids were watery eyes now knew
That they’re dream dragons came to life
And during that fight any and every emotion would strike
Now, the bright girl was now an adult
Even though her real life dragons were many, she knew inside that the young dragon slayer she was in her dreams was still alive
So she faced our sad world, and greeted it with a smile just for the sake of it
Cause every dragon slayer knows that true hope is a beast’s worst weakness
So fellow warrior, please know that the love in our world is plenty
And that your dragons aren’t as strong as they seem,
And you’re not as frail as you believe
For everyone here is their own warrior, with their own dragons, and some don’t even know they are yet
Published 4th May 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 2
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th May 2016 7:41pm
hiya, firstly welcome to this wonderful place ^.^ really hope you enjoy your stay...
... saw your post in the forum & your request here for honest critique, so i'm going to take a crack at it.
it's just my opinion, you can disregard any/all of it & i shan't be the least bit put out.
*
i really like the theme, it's nice to be reading something positive :) your ideas are solid, you definitely followed through to the end.
so, the flow; you're a little wordy. you can trim back without losing the essence of your poem.
i hope this makes sense...
... tense is another thing to take a peek at, they clash a bit in places. choose one {&} try sticking to it «~ it trips me up all the time too, darn tenses...
...
~ S1 as an example:
“She used to fight dragons in her dreams,
Swords flying and blood being shed
The girl used to always triumph in her made up
battles
And a grin sprouted upon her face as the
morning sun grew in”
L1: She fought dragons in her dreams
L2: Swords flew and blood was shed
L3: She triumphed in her made up battles
L4: And grinned as ...
[L4? What's the sun growing in to?]
... read your poem aloud to yourself {repeatedly, if you must} & you'll hear what sounds right & what doesn't.
comb through each stanza and remove what doesn't need to be there, use contractions
{a good thesaurus can also be a godsend}
*
if you want to grow, read as much as you can. there are so many amazing writers here to learn from; rain, magdalena, indie, john feddeler, craic, lobo, alexander case, terry, savaja, howling whelms, ahavati, dean, jade, hepcat {could go on forever}
enter a competition or two or ten ^.^ it's a great way to push yourself/step outside your comfort zone...
... hope this helped a bit
again, warm welcomes {&} all that
~ katja
... saw your post in the forum & your request here for honest critique, so i'm going to take a crack at it.
it's just my opinion, you can disregard any/all of it & i shan't be the least bit put out.
*
i really like the theme, it's nice to be reading something positive :) your ideas are solid, you definitely followed through to the end.
so, the flow; you're a little wordy. you can trim back without losing the essence of your poem.
i hope this makes sense...
... tense is another thing to take a peek at, they clash a bit in places. choose one {&} try sticking to it «~ it trips me up all the time too, darn tenses...
...
~ S1 as an example:
“She used to fight dragons in her dreams,
Swords flying and blood being shed
The girl used to always triumph in her made up
battles
And a grin sprouted upon her face as the
morning sun grew in”
L1: She fought dragons in her dreams
L2: Swords flew and blood was shed
L3: She triumphed in her made up battles
L4: And grinned as ...
[L4? What's the sun growing in to?]
... read your poem aloud to yourself {repeatedly, if you must} & you'll hear what sounds right & what doesn't.
comb through each stanza and remove what doesn't need to be there, use contractions
{a good thesaurus can also be a godsend}
*
if you want to grow, read as much as you can. there are so many amazing writers here to learn from; rain, magdalena, indie, john feddeler, craic, lobo, alexander case, terry, savaja, howling whelms, ahavati, dean, jade, hepcat {could go on forever}
enter a competition or two or ten ^.^ it's a great way to push yourself/step outside your comfort zone...
... hope this helped a bit
again, warm welcomes {&} all that
~ katja
4th May 2016 7:50pm
I'm glad you like it! I really do need help with the tenses lol. Thanks so much for your criticism:))
