Suicidal Narcissist

Fck you,
fck you for killing yourself,
seriously,
I’m so upset,
why do you get to leave,
why do you get to escape your pains,
how can you leave me here,
with all these miseries,
without you to talk to,
how can you leave me here,
with these burdens,
to bear on my own,

come on,
what the fck,
that’s why when anyone speaks of you with sympathy,
I just tell them to shut the fck up,

I absolutely hate that I completely love you.

I can’t believe you left me,
you left us all,
you’re a coward,
you’re a fraud,
you don’t deserve to go,
you should be here with the rest of us,
living in this Samsara,
going through these dramas,
how can you just take your own life,
and leave nothing but memories and post shock trauma,

can’t you see that the one’s you hurt the most,
are the same one’s that love you the most?

Now you’re gone forever,
and even if I see you again how the fck am I supposed to hug a ghost?

fck,
fck fck fck,
I fckn love you but I hate what you’ve done,
why’d you do such a stupid and selfish thing?

Reminds me of the time when we were young,
and you ran across the freeway at night,
or that time you drank and drove,
hystericaly laughing every time you crossed the center line,
you crossed all the lines,
except the one where when you took your life you didn’t also take mine,

remember the time,
when we were kids growing up,
drinking too much and throwing up,
now your gone I hope at your funeral no one is showing up,

what the fck.

Look where we’re at now,
you’ve gone off to “a better place”,
and I’m still stuck here,
in this mess we made,

and I’m screaming through these tears,
but no amount of shouts is going to bring you back,
and it hurts it hurts more than can possibly be described,
and no one’s sympathies has any sort of soothing affect,

how could you leave me like this,
you must’ve ever actually loved me,
even though you said you did,
you didn’t obviously,
because if you had,
you wouldn’t have,
taken your life away from me,

and from your parents,
and from your friends,
and from yourself,
God fckn damn!

Cut off my hands,
so I can’t write these spiteful words anymore,
cut out my tongue,
so I can’t speak my piece anymore,
cut out my throat,
so I can join you,
and not have to disappoint anyone anymore,
cut out my heart,
so I don’t have to feel anything for anyone anymore,

I’m so sick of feeling,
all feelings especially feelings of being alone,
which is exactly what I’m now feeling,
now that you have totally gone,

you’ve gone,
and you left without even saying goodbye,
you’ve left me with nothing but regrets and fears,
and nighttimes filled with mournings and “Whys”,

why,

oh why,
why did you have to be so fckn selfish,
leaving me here alone on this earth,
feeling fed up and helpless,

fck this,
fck you!

Fck you,
fck you for killing yourself,
seriously,
I’m so upset,
why do you get to leave,
why do you get to escape your pains,
how can you leave me here,
with these miseries,
without the one person who I could talk to which was you,

how can you leave me here?

Because even though you’re in a casket,
I’m the one left with these burdens that I’m buried in,
I’m the one that has to hold your mother when she grieves,
I’m the one that has to bear this cross and continue to carry it,

so no no sympathy from me you see,
I’m hurt and upset obviously,

because you didn’t even have the courage to look me in the eyes,
and say goodbye before you took my heart away along with your own life.

So fck you,
and goodbye.


∆ Aaron La Lux ∆