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Identity Crisis – Neuro/ John

Identity Crisis – Neuro/ John  
 
Tertullian    
Cloud of Unknowing  
The sun is falling crimson over the icy peaks. I wander through alpine meadows carrying my knapsack over my shoulder. The pine trees seem to breath with the wind. The rushing of wind cools my face as I follow a trickling stream up to the mountainside toward the waiting snowfields. Now the sun is behind the peak leaving streaks of purple and red painted across the darkening sky. Venus appears shimmering in the pale light. Slowly Orion materializes, running across the sky, on some ancient hunt. Shadows cover the highland. The thin cool air makes me giddy. I feel my feet sink into soft snow. The land is barren now and I unpack my lean too and set it up. I lay back with wind whistling through my ears and wrap my sleeping bag around my sheltered body.  
Looking across the valley I see the lights of the village glowing like tiny distant suns. I hear a rustling through the snow and lay quietly breathing deeply. Two yellow glowing eyes stare at me. I look back into the wolf’s eyes and find recognition. My sister the wolf sits still. I take some sardines and hold them out as an offering. She devours them licking my fingers hungrily.  
Suddenly she leaps into the dark void and disappears leaving me alone in my contemplations. As the night wears on wolves howl in the distance. My serene thoughts turn to dreams of star sprinkled meadows with trees singing in the wind.  
 
neurotic  
Hey...  
...just pick a handle and go with it, goldenmyst  
 
Mary Poppins  
Far Out  
Obviously, I’m having an identity crisis.  
Dr. Feelgood  
Butterfly Mantra  
Tune in, turn on, and drop out!!!  
 
neurotic  
So YER the one who makes me feel *all right* Simply said, I’ve been giving you far too much play. To end this ridiculous discourse,  I hereby dub thee “The Urban Cowboy.” I’ll respond to messages from goldenmyst by no other. Resistence is futile! Comply or get no love!  
 
Obedience  
Urban Cowboy  
I hear and obey master. Your wish is my command. Are you into S&M?  
 
whips and chains and naughty thangs?    
neurotic  
i don’t play games. And my wish is already your command? It’s amazing what one can do with a few strategically aligned 0’s and 1’s. SEEN an urban cowboy?> But if you’re really deadset on this minion thing, you could get me some lemonade, I guess. The knob broke off the stupid box--could ye fix that, maybe rent me a couple movies? and turn off the sun while you’re at it, or install some central AC.  
 
f-n hippies  
neurotic  
Would you like some jam and bread with that excuse? maybe some biscuits and marmalade? A spoonful of sugar, perhaps? i know it helps the diazepam go down....  
 
Paris, France  
Urban Cowboy  
0’s and 1’s. Hey don’t knock binary logic. It’s pretty powerful stuff. Got us to the moon didn’t it?  
 
I have seen snippets of the Travolta movie. Have you seen a BDSM movie called Paris, France. Check it out. Shall we shag baby?  
Games after dark  
Urban Cowboy  
Life’s a game.  
 
 
...and I thought life was a sport! damn corporate America!  
neurotic  
(on her birthday, no less). ye say life’s a game... and I reply once more, I don’t play games. I’m amusing myself with a messageboard where I’m apparently...*interacting* with *vampires,* so ah... go figure. And no, I haven’t seen Paris, France, though I did recently see a nazi midget porn—“the Tin Drum,” it’s a german flick with english subtitles. It’s one of the more... disturbing films I’ve seen.... but don’t rent it, I’ve already seen it. So are ye gonna fix my tv, or what?  
Incidentally, did we scare everyone away? I’m getting that <> impression. Someone...  
interrupt us... *please.* (and all the moon expedition proved was that we’re still imperialistic bastards, stabbing virgin lunar soil with old glory, give me a break, yeah, so we had a more stable economy than the USSR, too bad we live in a world and not a country).  
 
But seriously Ladies and Germs  
Urban Cowboy  
I couldn’t agree with you more about America’s imperialism. Although I think the Apollo program was one of our more benevolent endeavors, if for nothing more than the spinoffs.  
I think it’s really amazing how we are so shocked by Auschwitz and Bergan Belson, but how we can sit back and watch a John Wayne movie about genocide of native Americans and eat popcorn and enjoy it. As Noam Chomsky said, if we really wanted to live in reality and face the real consequences of our imperialist policies we would have scenes of villages in Nicaragua, being burned by contras on national television every day. You see the pictures of atrocities in Kosovo but I don’t remember ever seeing on national television strewn bodies in Baghdad or Managua. Check out Noam Chomsky, especially his essay on the manufacture of consent.  
Your fellow dissenter,  
Urban Cowboy  
 
Phallic Symbols  
Urban Cowboy  
However, naming the space program after a dominant male Greek sky god was rather inappropriate. Also, inappropriate the all male crews and phallic symbol rockets. It is abjectly wrong that we were over two decades after the USSR in sending a woman into space. I would have rather had the moon program called, ”Gaia” and had all woman crews from the start. Perhaps we could have named the first spacecraft to the moon “Sappho” instead of eagle. I think this would have been much more in tune with the future, which I believe will be led by woman. Men had their chance and nearly destroyed the world ten times over. Now its time for men to step aside and let women take charge. We’ll all be better off in the long run. Pat Califia for president!!!  
 
ah... urban cowboy?  
neurotic, of course  
phallic symbol rockets? (and for those who’ve been following closely, “Far Out” and “shall we shag, baby?”) I’m getting this really disturbing Austin Powers vibe--stop it.  
 
Austin Powers and post-modern man  
Urban Cowboy  
Austin Powers is the quintessential post-modern man. He is out of place in the world of his contemporaries. He finds it difficult to fit in and find his place in the world. He is the ultimate capitalist outsider. He is an affront to all the accepted social norms of his culture. He is in fact the perennial village idiot trying to find meaning in a world that seems to hold him in  
contempt. He is symbolic of the alienation Marx spoke of in capitalist societies. Marx was right and we are living proof.  
PS I haven’t actually endured sitting through his movie but I think my observations none the less have validity.  
 
low chuckles  
neurotic  
if ye saw the movie, your rocket/phallus correlation would be justified beyond doubt. (I myself was coerced into attending a showing--trust me, it was difficult selling me on mindless entertainment--read, “beating a midget senseless”--but I did laugh occasionally. and shamefully).  
...but don’t try to pull socialism into the row--austin powers is not the product of the shortsightedness of capitalism, but the has-been writers of SNL and the expectations of a pop culture that doesn’t understand humor unless it’s accompanied by sex or a body function  
Whips and Kisses  
Urban Cowboy  
However, in keeping with my status as your slave I will cease and desist in using Austin Power’s references.  
 
Big Sky/Small Mind  
Joan of Arc  
I pledge allegiance  
To the flag  
And to the republic  
For which it stands  
One nation  
Under God  
Indivisable  
With liberty and justice for all  
 
(except a few sniveling miscreant’s who don’t have the intelligence or sanity to be worthy)  
 
BACK THE TRUCK...  
neurotic&free  
...the phuc up. >.  
I admit, I have my contentions with the land of the hypocrisy, but how can one not? Take a tip from the urban cowboy and read up on some imperialistic atrocities or the assimilation of the Native Americans (did you know that in some states the permission to shoot Native Americans traveling in boats/canoes numbering greater than 1 is still on the books? [because that obviously* indicates they’re on the warpath]--apparently the procedure to remove such asinine “laws” is too troublesome).  
So miscreants aren’t worthy of liberty and justice. Forget not that a cornerstone of the  
ambiguous ideal of democracy is the principle of “majority rule and minority rights.”  
Pragmatically speaking, the majority doesn’t need protection--it’s already in charge. Therefore, if this country doesn’t offer justice for all (even the “sniveling miscreants”), forget “in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility”... (but I’m patronizing  
you now--since you can so emphatically recite the pledge, I’m sure you know the constitution inside out, knowing and *understanding* all the amendments and every right granted therein). If you’re going to use dogma as a means to disapprove, don’t make your own revisions (and assumptions). (and if *I’m* assuming too much, forgive me, but I detected a front).  
Hm, and what demanded the recitation of the pledge as a response? (And incidentally, you forgot a line). My subtle gibe concerning corporate America? You attempted to defend McDonald’s and MTV with a grammar school ritual? Or perhaps you were referring to the imperialist bit (yes, about the moon, I was both sarcastic and peripherally serious there). If so, educate yourself (and be wary of where you get your information). Sorry for being a b*tch on such a fine summer’s eve, but it’s been a strange holiday. Yesterday I witnessed contemporaries tell the kurdish neighbors to go back to their own goddamned country, that this wasn’t *their* independence celebration, they don’t even speak *American.* Preceding saturn missiles to moving vehicles, police interrogations, dumbphuc denials, and glassy-eyed apologies.  
 
The Pledge of Allegiance? I stand at attention, but I refuse to participate in a patriotic monotone. (Pay close attention, all, to the garble of sheep the next time you hear a group recite the pledge, or better yet, the lord’s prayer--the low, thoughtless tone inserting mechanical words like rivets  
in a robot factory).  
I love my country lying down.  
I look my country in the eye.  
I cried during “Life is Beautiful”  
and threw up after “Saving Private Ryan”—  
just like the rest of us.  
thank you for your time,  
neurotic & *free*  
 
Misunderstanding?  
Joan of Arc  
I intended my recitation of the pledge to be sarcastic and satirical. Much like Jimi Hendrix’s version of the national anthem. I believe we are in the same boat as to American arrogance and imperialism.  
Big Sky/Small Mind explication  
Joan of Arc  
Big Sky/Small Mind = America’s open mindedness is inversely proportional to her Big Sky and grand scenery.  
 
off my soapbox  
neurotic  
Thanks for the clarification and sorry if I came off as rude. My last posting was after 35 hours of no electricity. Candlelight and warm milk does funny stuff to the synapses. –n  
 
30 seconds later  
neurotic (again)  
see, without the header on your last reply (“misunderstanding?”), I inadvertently passed over it, missing your yank of the reigns (you were being sarcastic, I was being righteous, the urban cowboy’s babbling sh*t...). I apologize again.  
 
Split Personalities  
Urban Cowboy, Joan of Arc, and Penelope  
All is one.  
 
wirklich...  
neurotic  
it’s no wonder i’m neurotic  
 
Submission  
Urban Cowboy  
Hey neurotic. Would you like that lemonade fresh  
squeezed? I look forward to being your house  
servant.  
 
At your beck and call,  
Urban Cowboy  
 
‘bout time  
neurotic  
urban cowboy-- me phones ‘ve been down since tuesday 0430 hrs, central time, sonuvasevenyearitch. my absense during which, i’m sure, dismayed you greatly. yeah, I’m ready for that lemonade, and if you dare try to slip me a Countrytime, I’ll ignore your masochistic arse (‘cause beating it would give sublime pleasure, n’est-ce pas?) i got the tv fixed (‘can’t adjust the volume yet...) but now the back door doesn’t open. that’s okay, because the front door doesn’t shut.  
 
Surrender  
Urban Cowboy  
Mistress Neurotic,  
I would gladly submit to whatever punishment you deem fitting for causing you so much distress during your last power outage. I am sure you could think of  
some imaginative ways to punish me. Would you favor using a bull whip? Hot candle wax? or Perhaps I could serve you in other ways? Please mistress. Tell me how I could please you. I await your command!! Whips and Kisses, Urban Cowboy  
 
I’m Your Handyman  
Urban Cowboy  
I addition to my skills at the art of submission I am good with home repairs!!  
 
well, I’m your Huckleberry  
neurotic  
I am most appreciative of your offers, but again, I confess no inclinations to sado-masochism. And  if I DID... I don’t think we’d be compatible... and let’s leave it at that, fellow meekling.    
As for other punishments I might platonically inflict, how ‘bout filling in for me at a family reunion? Or better yet, do you have any skills in the editorial department? My brainchild baby’s crying, i don’t give it no love. And as far as home repairs goes, stop by anytime. It’s one helluva long and boring drive from the bayou but if you insist....  
 
Noam Chomsky and the Circle of Life  
neurotic  
Urban Cowboy---shake the sensual predilections of the dissociative complex and witness another knot in social consciousness. Yesterday my pinko brother dragged me to the local university to watch the video, “The Myth of the Liberal Media,” co-hosted  
by, who else, but Noam Chomsky.  
Ah, life’s but a loogie into the wind. I highly recommend it--how the masses receives its  
information (or more specifically, *fails* to receive its information) proves most enlightening-- and terrifying. Somewhat appropriate now, considering the current censorship dilemma—good luck, all, on defying the man and defending your libidos.  
 
Always watching,  
Neurotic  
Pardonne  
Urban Cowboy  
Mon Cherie,  
Please forgive Asphasia’s dissociative cognitive style  
and lascivious poetry, appealing to prurient interests. I am afraid she is quite mad. Her mind is truly gone. I am seeking to locate a suitable  
institution in which to place her.  
 
Yours Truly,  
Urban Cowboy  
Where to find?  
Urban Cowboy  
Cherie Amour  
 
I wouldn’t begin to know where to find the Chomsky flik here in Baton Rouge. Somehow I don’t expect to see it among hot new releases. But thanks for the recommendation. If you want to check out his writings on everything from IQ and creativity to US support of ethnicide in Timor, read “The Chomsky Reader.” Especially fascinating his  
essay on “the manufacture of consent”.  
 
Yours forever,  
Urban Cowboy  
 
Little Known Fact  
Hamlet  
Many of you may have heard of the phrase,”Rosie the Rivetor” during WWII. During the great war women were put to work in the factories while the men were off at war. Little know, however, is the fact that in Great Britain, 30,000 schizophrenics were taken from the mental hospitals and put to work in the factories. This was before the new medications. As soon as the war was over they went back to the hospitals. In fact in most societies when there has been a labor shortage and job glut mentally ill people have been put to work.  
When the inverse is true they have been sent to institutions or made homeless.  
 
The former Soviet Union for all its repression of dissidents and use of psychiatric treatment as a form of political repression, did in fact employmore mentally ill people than the US. What you are probably wondering right now is how does this concern us? In today's cynical world and hyped up supermodern, F you culture, apathy is the norm with regard to these issues.  
 
“When they came for the trade unionist, I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a trade unionist. When they came for the Catholics, I didn’t speak out, because I wasn’t a Catholic. When they came for me, there was nobody left to speak out.”  
 
Famous Concentration camp quote  
 
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer...  
neurotic  
...the little schizos. How can you even suggest institutionalizing Asphasia after that discovery? She may be lascivious, or even utterly insane, but she’s still your brainchild. Words, words, words  
 
Asphasia  
Dearest Neurotic,  
Please do not protest my love. For how can one protest fate? Truly my suffering is great. What better place for me than a comfortable padded cell with 24 hour room service? And I do so love the restraints!!!!!  
 
Whips and Kisses,  
Asphasia  
obscurity me  
neurotic
 
asphasia  
mona lisa  
i’ve got a little gun  
here comes oblivion  
i never loved you--how did you find me?  
the cops will never prove complicity
 
And you said...  
Urban Cowboy  
you’re not into sadism. Perhaps you’d like to take out those aggressive fantasies in a more direct, but less fatal way?  
Submissively yours,  
Urban Cowboy  

tsk tsk  
neurotic
 
‘Twere song lyrics (save the asphasia part, of course). Sorry to get your hopes up--again. If you insist on dragging me into some sordid affair, try dominating me, damn it--and do shuffle through the identies and find a *man* to do it--at something remotely *male.*  
Sly grins and too much atmosphere, neurotic  
 
Macho macho man  
Urban Cowboy  
Dearest Neurotic  
 
I am actually a pretty good switch hitter. If you would like me to take the rudder I would be more than happy to oblige. I can even pick the wine at dinner if you’d like. I don’t usually try to “dominate” women, but I can let my male ego out for a romp if you’d like.  
~softly whispering in your ear~wiping the drops of blood red wind*sooo delicately*from your lips:}  
::grinning mischieviously::  
Urban Cowboy  
 
heh heh heh  
neurotic  
Urban Cowboy,  
 
I don’t really want domination per se--I just said that to get ye off the submission kick (as in, submitting to me). I can take a little perversity,  
sure, but ah... leave out the whips and gimp get-ups.  
~demurely licking where your fingers once were....  
neurotic  
 
Spicey Lips  
Urban Cowboy  
Sweet Neurotic,  
Perhaps, we could dispense with the whips and chains. However, perversity is the spice of life. Glad to hear you have transcended the crusty stiffness of inflexible morals, in the Godforsaken prison of mad prophets preaching doom in the streets of our global village with voices screaming hellfire and brimstone in the hypnogogic night.  
~I walk softly..slowly approaching*smiling dreamily*reaching my hand around the small of your back~light tickle of fingers dancing up and down your spine...caressing your taut muscles with one hand...the other hand gently stroking your face...placing a feather soft kiss on your cherry ripe lips~ah how sweet:}  
 
::ETERNAL BLISS::  
Urban Cowboy  
 ::::Message To Neurotic::::  
Anonymous  
I think Urban Cowboy really likes you!!! ;)  
 
reply to Anonymous  
neuro  
You mean “like?” Or *LIKE LIKE*?” (he he he) and of course Urban Cowboy likes me--I named and in a sense created the persona; it’s only natural. I’m not worried, though--the oedipal/electra complex eventually dissolves, and with this particular subject, the Urban Cowboy masque will eventually shatter and seperate into two (or more) completely different entities. One of them shall be cynically social/politically minded--the other, simply disillusioned and mopey. “Label the madness--> Invite it in.”  
 
Splitting Hairs  
Urban Cowboy(I think)  
I’ll have you know that my mind is as steady as the pole star. What’s that Asphasia? Go back into your hole. But I only want love. No, Asphasia, I can’t deal with that tonight. Maybe One Trick Pony or Hamlet will love me. Sorry no dice. Well I can feel my mind slipping. Where are you Urban Cowboy. I am lost so lost in a pit of despair. Hamlet come rescue me. America is a prison. May the warbling note of canyon wrens be with you always and forever more. Asphasia, you’re not making sense again. Sorry, sorry I’ll collect my wits and be about my business.  
the lady doth protests too much, methinks  
 
neuro  
there, there, urban cowboy. You know I still love you. Don’t worry about wavering personalities-  
-I changed my name, too. See? it’ll all be okay. trust me. dissociation is a difficult process, but  
well worth it in the end. you’ll find the real you. despite all my rantings about  
theshadowshhhhhhhhhhush......  
 
Mommy,  
Urban Cowbaby  
does this mean the boogie man done gone away?  
 
What light through yonder window breaks?  
Urban Cowboy(the latest morphing)  
It is the east, and Neurotic is the sun! Kiss me you fool!!!  
 
tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow  
neurotic  
creeps in this pithy pest from night to night  
to the last digital rewarding crime  
and all our mental plights have lighted  
fools the way to inner-sight  
In out! brief handle  
Life’s but a changing shadow  
a sore slayer  
that rants and raves his hour upon the page  
and then knows words no more  
it is a tale told by neurotic!  
full of fierce and weary  
signifying nothing  
 
Kiss me Kate  
The Ghost of Hamlet’s father  
I find you passing gentle.  
‘Twas told me you were rough, and coy and sullen,  
And now I find report a very liar;  
For thou art pleasant, gamesome, passing courteous;  
But slow in speach, yet sweet as spring-time flowers:  
Thou canst not frown, thou canst not look askance,  
Nor bite the lip, as angry wenches will;  
Nor hast thou pleasure to be cross in talk;  
But thou with mildness entertain’st they wooers,  
With gentle conference, soft and affable.  
Why does the world report that Neurotic doth limp?  
O slanderous world! Neurotic, like the hazel-twig,  
Is straight and slender; and as brown in hue  
As hazel-nuts, and sweeter than the kernals.  
O, let me see thee walk: thou dost not halt.
Written by goldenmyst
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