The Mirror.

I look at her sad face and i try to reach out to comfort her but she seems a million miles away.
I smile at her, she smiles back, but the pain in her eyes tell me an entirely different story.
I look at her soft, brown skin, circles of pain around etched around her eyes, seemingly acting as a background for her state of mind.
I wish I could go back in time, when I used to see her.
Happy, and slightly conceited. Where did she go? What happened to her?
Why is she now replaced with the woman I hardly recognised, world weighing on her shoulders.
I miss the one before, the one who would smile back and i would know everything is ok.
The world seemed brighter then. I believe that because no mater what happened I could have seen the light at the end of the tunnel.
Why did he do this me.
I thought he loved me. He knew my fears. My secrets, I thought  I gave myself to the man who would protect me forever.
I cant remember a time when i would not have done anything for him, just to hear those three words.
I feel foolish now. How could I have been so blind. They tried to warn me. You deserve better they say.
But do they know what I want?  I dont think I knew what it was like to hurt until now. Until  I realise that he doesnt care.
No matter how much i begged. no matter how much i pushed for him to stay with me he never did.
Why? I would have liked to think I was what he needed. Now he turned his back on me like i never existed. like we never existed.
My heart is torn with hating him, and missing the man i wanted him to be. Blinded by the possibilty of change that would never come.
Pain that would never cease.
Tears that would never stop fall.
The images of what we could have been haunts my dreams. The thoughts of what he is doing out there without me seeing suffocates me.
He doesnt know how much he hurt me. He doesnt realise that he has deeped the wounds of those he promised not to be like...
And I believed him. I wanted so much for something to smile at to love on and to hug on that I believed him. All his promises woos plans and dreams.
I thought i was a part of something that ultimately had no part of me in it. Buried in lies just to earn what he wanted. Why?
I want to ask him why me. Why when i asked countless times to let go and move on, you held me there in this emotional prison because you knew of the love I had for you.
I would have died for him. Shame, to think i would have moved mountains for a guy who did not even consider looking under a rock for me.
So what now? Move on they say. But how can i begin another chapter when the ink hasnt even dried on this page. I had so much to write. Written were the promises of my love, my commitment and my plans to be a good wife to you.  Rip out the page? Then what would hold my book together, as every time I rip  the hurts out to forget the pain they brought to my life the binds that keep me together weaken.
I wonder how is she? Would she love you like I did? Would you tell her all the things you told me ? Would you give her the things that were meant for us.... or was there even an Us?
Was I that blind to mistake that You would never be WE.
I promised myself a long time ago that I would be different, that I would never let another man hurt me like he did. But you did....
How could you? I trusted you. Hours of talking meant nothing?  Me giving you a detailed run down of my deepest darkest fears.....Your Words meantnothing?
Does it even hurt at all? Did i ever matter to you that you would feel as much as an ounce of remorse for breaking me the way you did.
Dont blame him for something that  you are guilty of.. you allowed this to happen they say.
I dont think anyone goes around saying they are ready to be their lover's door mat. A source of money. A emotional punching bag.
Did i have it written on my forehead. Was i so open hat he could read me cover to cover and play on my contents, bookmarking areas to use as ammunition to haunt me.....
I look back at her and she seems distant. Lost in thought. So many questions.. so many replays of the things he promised but never came through for me on. Answer me.. That is all I ask, Answer me. What did I do for you to hurt me this way. I  loved you to pieces. When you said the words I love you was there not an inkling, a dust, a mere drop of emotion  attached? Nothing?
I feel stupid. I feel alone. I am haunted by the memory of seeing how you took everything we built and discarded it over one conversation.
The lies you told. Why?
Eyes blurry, Heart aching,Belly Squeamish, Thoughts moving in slow motion, breathing unevenly , literally screaming and noone hears you. Is this what this feels like to be dying inside? I bet... It has to be. Isnt it?

Look at me Sha.. Please? Tell me your going to be ok. Tell me your going to be better than this. She looks right back at me. And from her eyes i knew, she herself does not know.