deepundergroundpoetry.com
Bipolar Adventures - 3
Mania and Consequences
My heart is too weak for poetry.
For now it's not enough.
My dog, Lizzie, died. Half Pomeranian, half Chihuahua, I named her after Elizabeth Bennett and Dracula's wife, Elisabetta. She was rich mocha, fluffy and fat, with a line of black fur above her eyes making her look like she's always annoyed, always deep in thought. As I am.
I got her only last Saturday... some may wonder why her death would affect me so, so, strongly. We didn't have enough time to have a very strong bond. But I can't help the guilt that's creeping up on me. I took her even if I truly do not make decisions rashly, I am an overthinker by nature. I took her because she was cute and I like her. I took her because I was manic.
The plan was just to scratch my itch in my heavens: the school supplies store, the bookstore, and the crafts store. Beads, strings, papers, pens, a book or two was bought. My mother humored me, she's the one who was saying I was manic. Then after everything...we saw the cutest dog ever, and I willingly made a fool of myself by begging my mother to let me buy the puppy, take her home.
She's very distant. She got very sick. It breaks my heart and I tell no one of my guilt, my regrets, my what ifs. I weep on my own, ashamed, avoiding the accusing eyes of my little brother.
Dear reader, do you care?
Still I will say it, Mania may give me the illusion or a reality of something most wonderful and most pleasurable of this world, I have a deep fear that it - that I - could break me without me noticing. I know this is not even 1/4 of what could happen when I'm manic. It'll break me without me feeling it until I'm utterly crushed. And I'll end up numb just like I am now.
My heart is too weak for poetry.
For now it's not enough.
My dog, Lizzie, died. Half Pomeranian, half Chihuahua, I named her after Elizabeth Bennett and Dracula's wife, Elisabetta. She was rich mocha, fluffy and fat, with a line of black fur above her eyes making her look like she's always annoyed, always deep in thought. As I am.
I got her only last Saturday... some may wonder why her death would affect me so, so, strongly. We didn't have enough time to have a very strong bond. But I can't help the guilt that's creeping up on me. I took her even if I truly do not make decisions rashly, I am an overthinker by nature. I took her because she was cute and I like her. I took her because I was manic.
The plan was just to scratch my itch in my heavens: the school supplies store, the bookstore, and the crafts store. Beads, strings, papers, pens, a book or two was bought. My mother humored me, she's the one who was saying I was manic. Then after everything...we saw the cutest dog ever, and I willingly made a fool of myself by begging my mother to let me buy the puppy, take her home.
She's very distant. She got very sick. It breaks my heart and I tell no one of my guilt, my regrets, my what ifs. I weep on my own, ashamed, avoiding the accusing eyes of my little brother.
Dear reader, do you care?
Still I will say it, Mania may give me the illusion or a reality of something most wonderful and most pleasurable of this world, I have a deep fear that it - that I - could break me without me noticing. I know this is not even 1/4 of what could happen when I'm manic. It'll break me without me feeling it until I'm utterly crushed. And I'll end up numb just like I am now.
Published 16th Apr 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 746
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
16th Apr 2015 7:53am
your tragedy is felt by whoever stops to read it. she must've been ill when you got her.
I'm always joyful to find profound emotion in your work. you put your heart, all of your heart, into your compositions. & that is required of a writer...
I'm always joyful to find profound emotion in your work. you put your heart, all of your heart, into your compositions. & that is required of a writer...
16th Apr 2015 8:41am
Thank you so much, sir. You may not know it but I always look forward to reading your next post and appreciate your every comment so much.
Writing is the only thing that does not confuse me as to if it was caused by bipolar or just by being me. I'd like to think that it was in me since birth, and if there's only one thing left of me it will by my words, my writing...thank you, truly, thank you.
Writing is the only thing that does not confuse me as to if it was caused by bipolar or just by being me. I'd like to think that it was in me since birth, and if there's only one thing left of me it will by my words, my writing...thank you, truly, thank you.
