I miss my pokemon cards.

      My dreams turn into a vivid journey,
All senses activate in  that realm.
The feeling I get when I am feeling on you,
So sublime.
Enticed by your vibrant beauty.
Lost,
In this alternate reality.
Sleep is so hard to come by,
When all my dreams cypher,
Day and night.
I can't wait,
To return to this dimension,
Where my love doesn't leave me desolate.
In love with you,
But this is not reality.
For now.
Maybe ever.


    Sleep is my drug of choice,
The trips actively numbs the brain.
Cocaine keeps my body and mind running,
Through the wire as I kill creation.
Mutilation of my essence.
Sleep,
Is real.
Dreams don't need blood stained sheets and a crashed out spirit.


    Love is real,
But I am lost on the narcotic hill.
Climbing the cliff,
To jump into the pit that never ends.
Never ending depression,
Sinking me,
Into nightmares of you.
I am glad you got away from the monster I have become.
No matter what the drug,
You activate the deepest crash.


   Even sober minded,
The reality of never getting you back.
Brings me incubus in the night.



   Dreams cypher me to another plane.
Astral was the abstract dreadnought I flew in.
Mary Jane held my hand and guided me through,
Her plane.
Then I stopped,
I saw the zombies.
Overdrawn on spirit,
Withdrawal came with mental side effects.
My soul was in debt.


       Washed away.
Washed away by the blue agave.
I swim in it.
Drowning until the lights go dark.
I messed up.
I failed them both,
I can't tell him just yet.
I am rolling down narcotic hill.
It feels so good,
Even when the high is gone,
Yes.


      Love,
Brings me the greatest joy.
The most intense high of all.
Addicted to your warm hugs and kisses.
Love,
It is the one thing I want to be able to do without.
The crash you caused went straight to my heart.
Overdosed.
Supply my mind with words of confusion.


        Sleep will forever be my drug of choice.
I think of what one bullet can do,
But that might disrupt the reality of getting you back.
If you knew what my soul screams out,
You wouldn't even care.
Blank stares,
Starry-eyed,
Glazed by the illumination of constellations,
Mixed with tears,
Stirred up by memories of our minimally blemished past.
You are stupid,
But so am I.
You wanted a tough guy,
A guy who plays with your heart like  petty little toy,
Then breaks you.
You gave me a chance,
I proved that I would always have you covered,
Crawling through hell and back,
Asking for seconds,
Only to be with you.
You were sweet,
But only wanted a good f**k.
Guilt free.
I f*#*ed your brains.
My d#%k is a drug,
But you were alone on that astral plane.
You were out of body,
While I was digging deep.
Giving you everything.
It took me hours to reach ecstasy.
Once we were done I would make you breakfast or lunch,
If I was lazy we would go out for brunch.
Come home,
I was not done.
I needed to taste your joy.
Your p*%$y was like candy,
I am just an addicted little boy.
Now that I think about it,
Your reasons were not even legit.
You wanted a f^*k buddy that you didn't want to know.


      I couldn't find love in the heartless,
So I make my own with bendy straws.
White powder dabbed around a menthol,
Two bumps and a cigarette to set it all.
Leave my cave,
Just to f**k with self made whores.
Nothing but trouble.
Sex, booze, drugs, and shame.
Not so proud,
But I am pretty good at playing this game.
Never ending,
Is my road to perdition.
I will cry about it later when the snow flakes and tequila  perish.


     Sleep is my drug of choice.
The high feels so real.

  All I need is just one bullet.
I wonder if I'll dream in hell.

  I wonder about that one bullet.