The Melancholy of Realizing the Need to Go on

If
I am forgotten, do I still exist?
I am afraid that I am slowly vanishing.
The light shines on my gradually translucent skin
ridden of the solidness of human ambition.
I am dying to the world, but I am crying to myself.

If
I am no longer with the friends I love and my old company,
is life nostalgia and the rest of my existence the abyss of death?
There is no afterlife while you remain on earth,
so when you're dead on earth, you walk in place
by the blueness of a stormy sea
where the tears flow,
where the tears flow.
This I have come to know
because I've been there.

At some point after self-actualization
I forgot the need to eat and sleep and be in love,
and I lived in the prison of the nirvanic state
of resignation.
Existence and nonexistence at once.
But trapped in this limbo, I couldn't let the candle's light blow out
because I live like a Bodhisattva.
I find peace and long to share it.
I am a very religious man.
But at the time of returning to this world again I was entangled in the thorns of a capitalist society:
a capitalist friendship, a capitalist family, romantic interests that all relied on my playing in the game
efficiently and expeditiously
as if I have passed through this world many, many times thwarting the pull of enlightenment for worldly pleasures.
It has come now to be
that I have claimed desires.
I have sprinted up to the top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and I have fallen back down.
I have failed.
I have failed.

But what if I begin to rise
and my contemporaries are already miles ahead,
and I am running with a heart implant?
I never saw desire as so essential as I do now.
I suppose that I have another heart in me.
Because of the procedure, I can't run fast.
In the end of my life, my friends will still be way ahead,
and I'll still be behind.
And knowing this, I am not jealous. I am only sad. I miss them already.

I might not be that great. But I'll do something that needs to be done by someone.
That'll have to do
because I can't waste an implant
by not moving at all.