storm front and cigarettes

Dampen the wildest part of yourself
self-destruction is not a mercy
love is not a drug
no matter how much
you want it to be

She doesn’t love you
the words don’t mean
what you want them to mean
and sex has never been on the table
not because you can’t handle the intimacy
you’ve just never offered yourself
up for that kind of sacrifice
tempting as it is

You smoke cigarettes
like they’re not a noose around your throat
choking yourself from the inside out
you don’t know how to feel alive anymore
and they give you something
to do with your hands

There are worse ways to hurt yourself than this
and you’re trying to avoid the fallout
among the heartbreak that’s surely coming
because she’s not like you
she’s out there fucking herself up
like it’s something to live for
just like you used to do
before you discovered
drugs where an ocean
that’d kill you just the same
if you chose to swim in them
on a stormy night

© Indie Adams 2014