deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tasty Pastry
I miss your taste. The way your waistline, whine and grind, I've acquired the taste for your amazing grace. How you moved it with such a grace, it made me want to take a taste, of your paste. tingling my tongue with your lace. Panties rolled, be low your waist. Fingers fucking you, as your buck, you control the pace. Kiss me with your tongue, something about your taste. The thought I can't erase.
Published 28th Nov 2014
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Anonymous
28th Nov 2014 7:23am
Um ... I get what you were trying to do, but presumably she has just one waist, so 'between her waist' (singular, quite rightly) doesn't make much sense. No point in rhyming if you lose everything else to it, eh? Um, each to their own, but 'pastry' and 'of your paste' are horrid, in this context. Really not sexy at all, eesh. That said the idea is amusing, and the phrase 'thought I can't erase' was a wistful end, that seemed to work.
28th Nov 2014 10:44am
Well,i don't know much about writing but ah,i do know a write doesn't have to be perfect!We are work in progress so is our writing!
Anyway,i enjoyed your piece,great idea and its sensational and erotic!
Write on!
Anyway,i enjoyed your piece,great idea and its sensational and erotic!
Write on!
