This is me finally letting you go (TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2012)

 know what I said now, 
and now I realize now that i
made you feel bad things

not worth fighting for, 
not smart enough to reason
discernment impaired

the truth is that i
think you are smarter than my
wife or ex girl friend

after all you left
this man breaking down in tears
bent by years of guilt

for a crime that you 
don't consider to be one
its just natures way

i think of you when 
I sleep alone in her bed
when in morning wake

you redefined what
type of woman i go for
standard of beauty

I loved the time we 
spent watching shows and timing
texting events, sync

i wanted to get 
your impression of "twin peaks"
imagery, music

I wish that I had 
paid for your gold, love so that
could have watched much more

the only things I 
didn't like about you were... 
twenty four hours

travel across those
one thousand five hundred miles, 
would have been worth it

to hold you at night
and sooth away your pain
and raise your children

I am going to 
get therapy soon as I 
can figure out how

it's only going 
to tell me what I lost, 
what I want to loose,
and what I want to find again.

I hope that you will fall for me again 
after I get talk therapy and divorce therapy.

I do not think that
you will ever change your mind 
because of the shame

return to me when or if you feel it's right.
the only reason that you were mad at me
is that you have strong feelings for me too, 
despite the distance, pain and my stupidity

I want to give you all that I can, 
right now you just want my absence.

I think that I will try to contact
you at the turning of the year.
or after you are the only one
that would put me in jail

please don't threaten me until i am sane
jail is no more than i deserve
you weren't the one to break me
you are the reason i want to be whole