Cold Rain

I've struggled with her shadow
every night for two years.

I keep my blanket
wrapped tightly around my chest
before I fall
asleep,
as if I was trying to find
safety in my own confinement;
afflicted with anger.

I am
what time and circumstance
has made me;
a hardened soul
trying to fight my way
out of this hellish state,
wandering the graveyard
to tell her
"I'm sorry I wasn't there
to save you".

Maybe I've forgotten how
to smile,
how to love
someone
other than the body
of a bottle;
broken every weekend,
passed out in the cold rain.