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Carried Away
Cold water rushes past my body,
making my skin red and covered in goosebumps,
shivers travel down my spine.
"This water is fast,
you could easily be 'swept away'
and 'accidentally' killed; drowned.
No one will blame you.
They'll think it's an accident."
I contemplate the thoughts that quickly flooded my mind,
actually considering the possibility of letting myself get washed away.
Tears flood my eyes as I start to silently say good bye to everything.
I take one more long, deep breath.
"Honey?
Why don't you come out of the water for a bit? You look chilly.
I brought your favorite snack food and blanket.
I even remembered to pack your favorite hoodie."
Her smile instantly illuminates any hint of darkness in my soul.
The urge to die fades fast as I see her waiting for me on the beach.
I could never leave her, never ever, no matter what.
Her eyes look so welcoming, I can't help but swim towards shore.
The next thing I know, my ice cold, soaking wet body is against hers in a hug
and kisses rain down on my cheek.
Her arms hold me so tightly I don't even remember why I wanted to leave.
I could live happily forever so long as it was with her.
"Goodness, what's gotten into you?
You're so affectionate lately; it's cute.
Did Cupid finally pay you a visit?
Maybe you're coming down with a touch of the love bug?"
Well then, if that's the case,
I've never been so happy to be shot or to be sick.
In fact, if that actually is the case, I never want to get better.
If I'm suffering from love sickness, I want to remain sick forever.
"I don't know,
but I do know that I love you very much.
Now, all that aside,
what did you say about my favorite snack food? You have Cheetos?!"
making my skin red and covered in goosebumps,
shivers travel down my spine.
"This water is fast,
you could easily be 'swept away'
and 'accidentally' killed; drowned.
No one will blame you.
They'll think it's an accident."
I contemplate the thoughts that quickly flooded my mind,
actually considering the possibility of letting myself get washed away.
Tears flood my eyes as I start to silently say good bye to everything.
I take one more long, deep breath.
"Honey?
Why don't you come out of the water for a bit? You look chilly.
I brought your favorite snack food and blanket.
I even remembered to pack your favorite hoodie."
Her smile instantly illuminates any hint of darkness in my soul.
The urge to die fades fast as I see her waiting for me on the beach.
I could never leave her, never ever, no matter what.
Her eyes look so welcoming, I can't help but swim towards shore.
The next thing I know, my ice cold, soaking wet body is against hers in a hug
and kisses rain down on my cheek.
Her arms hold me so tightly I don't even remember why I wanted to leave.
I could live happily forever so long as it was with her.
"Goodness, what's gotten into you?
You're so affectionate lately; it's cute.
Did Cupid finally pay you a visit?
Maybe you're coming down with a touch of the love bug?"
Well then, if that's the case,
I've never been so happy to be shot or to be sick.
In fact, if that actually is the case, I never want to get better.
If I'm suffering from love sickness, I want to remain sick forever.
"I don't know,
but I do know that I love you very much.
Now, all that aside,
what did you say about my favorite snack food? You have Cheetos?!"
Published 21st Sep 2014
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21st Sep 2014 12:03pm
Ahh, Scenario, luv :-* ~
This. Is. Marvelous. And. Wrenching.
What makes it such a tumultuous ride is this struggle. We're never sure you're winning (even though you've written another outstanding piece!), so at least you're still with us which is tremendous victory of itself.
Perhaps, we're never certain you're winning because you're not quite sure, but that's in the moment, luv, for when we look at the big picture) you've given us with poems thus far, oh yes, you're winning bit by bit. :-*
Please remember this when that voice incites you to leave: there's possibility here. And warmth and love and vibrant life. There's ecstasy, luv. Really. ;-*
This. Is. Marvelous. And. Wrenching.
What makes it such a tumultuous ride is this struggle. We're never sure you're winning (even though you've written another outstanding piece!), so at least you're still with us which is tremendous victory of itself.
Perhaps, we're never certain you're winning because you're not quite sure, but that's in the moment, luv, for when we look at the big picture) you've given us with poems thus far, oh yes, you're winning bit by bit. :-*
Please remember this when that voice incites you to leave: there's possibility here. And warmth and love and vibrant life. There's ecstasy, luv. Really. ;-*
Thank you! I'm very happy you enjoyed and extremely appreciative of your comment. C:
I think, personally, from what I know, which isn't much, I'm moving forward slowly but by no means am I making leaps and bounds as I and others had hoped.
But now the tables have turned, you see. I know what my problem is and I know how to fix it once and for all; I know how to win, I know I /can/ win. The problem now is whether or not I am willing to do what must be done in order to move forward.
Currently, perhaps for the rest of time as well, I'm not sure I'm willing to part with that section of my past. Sometimes I think I'd much rather remain miserable and keep that memory than let go of it and live happily again.
Hope that wasn't too dreary for you, friend! I do apologize. :P
Cheers,
MC
I think, personally, from what I know, which isn't much, I'm moving forward slowly but by no means am I making leaps and bounds as I and others had hoped.
But now the tables have turned, you see. I know what my problem is and I know how to fix it once and for all; I know how to win, I know I /can/ win. The problem now is whether or not I am willing to do what must be done in order to move forward.
Currently, perhaps for the rest of time as well, I'm not sure I'm willing to part with that section of my past. Sometimes I think I'd much rather remain miserable and keep that memory than let go of it and live happily again.
Hope that wasn't too dreary for you, friend! I do apologize. :P
Cheers,
MC
21st Sep 2014 6:19pm
Slowly and steadily may be for the best, luv. :-*
I'm uncertain completely jettisoning a portion of ourselves is the answer. Perhaps it is; perhaps not. Mayhap, the answer lies instead in how we transform that to serve us now.
Misery, eh? Certainly, there's a type of comfort in that, but it's a falsity, I think, one borne out of familiarity and our human need for sameness. This is going to appall you, what I'll say next; I'm saying it anyway. Remember when you were concerned about being a conformist, like everyone else? I say this: holding on to what does not serve you well is, mayhap, the very worst kind of conformity, luv. :-* And, we all do it at some point, and, again and again. 'Tis human nature for fear lies within us all.
"You cannot think straight with a heart full of fear, for fear seeks safety, not truth...
A heart full of love, on the other hand, has a limbering effect on the mind."
William Sloane Coffin
Yet, thankfully, there is also that within us that strives for more, to be more, to see what else we can be, what greatness we can be, what we can aspire to be. Seek that instead, luv. :-*
I'm uncertain completely jettisoning a portion of ourselves is the answer. Perhaps it is; perhaps not. Mayhap, the answer lies instead in how we transform that to serve us now.
Misery, eh? Certainly, there's a type of comfort in that, but it's a falsity, I think, one borne out of familiarity and our human need for sameness. This is going to appall you, what I'll say next; I'm saying it anyway. Remember when you were concerned about being a conformist, like everyone else? I say this: holding on to what does not serve you well is, mayhap, the very worst kind of conformity, luv. :-* And, we all do it at some point, and, again and again. 'Tis human nature for fear lies within us all.
"You cannot think straight with a heart full of fear, for fear seeks safety, not truth...
A heart full of love, on the other hand, has a limbering effect on the mind."
William Sloane Coffin
Yet, thankfully, there is also that within us that strives for more, to be more, to see what else we can be, what greatness we can be, what we can aspire to be. Seek that instead, luv. :-*
21st Sep 2014 7:35pm
Maybe you're right. I mean, at least I don't have bad /days or weeks/ anymore; it's more like bad moments like the one showcased in this poem.
Hmm, very good point. And trust when I say this, misery has lost all comfort as of yesterday. It's honestly terrifying and just awful. I could /never/ leave Melissa alone like that, /ever/.
Thankfully, I'm better able to think through these situations now and make positive decisions based on facts, like how there were Cheetos waiting for me on shore. Lol. (Of course there /may/ have been something else I got out of the water for too, but...)
All in all, so long as I have my partner, I'm not leaving any time soon, if ever; most likely never. :P
Cheers,
MC
Hmm, very good point. And trust when I say this, misery has lost all comfort as of yesterday. It's honestly terrifying and just awful. I could /never/ leave Melissa alone like that, /ever/.
Thankfully, I'm better able to think through these situations now and make positive decisions based on facts, like how there were Cheetos waiting for me on shore. Lol. (Of course there /may/ have been something else I got out of the water for too, but...)
All in all, so long as I have my partner, I'm not leaving any time soon, if ever; most likely never. :P
Cheers,
MC
