deepundergroundpoetry.com
Marry Juanna
I wanted to Marry juanna
girl of dreams
we kissed and we fought
till we were on our knees
she was my heart of hearts
and when I saw her with another guy it made me turn Green
with envy but I should have seen it coming
cuz she never stayed long
she started pulling away from me and it didn't take long
she was my heart of heart
my dream girl of bliss
when I was with her I was at my craziest
and when she left me I felt so alone
so betrayed by her
it was like a cloud of smoking tried to snuff out my life
my friends took me out
we went partying and I met Vodka and Martina
as I tried to forget
but the pull was so strong it had me perplexed
when I woke up in the morning
I tried to forget
Juanna appeared
and zoom went my regrets
and one day we'll get married
and live on a island of bliss
we'll run on the beach
live life and get pissed
girl of dreams
we kissed and we fought
till we were on our knees
she was my heart of hearts
and when I saw her with another guy it made me turn Green
with envy but I should have seen it coming
cuz she never stayed long
she started pulling away from me and it didn't take long
she was my heart of heart
my dream girl of bliss
when I was with her I was at my craziest
and when she left me I felt so alone
so betrayed by her
it was like a cloud of smoking tried to snuff out my life
my friends took me out
we went partying and I met Vodka and Martina
as I tried to forget
but the pull was so strong it had me perplexed
when I woke up in the morning
I tried to forget
Juanna appeared
and zoom went my regrets
and one day we'll get married
and live on a island of bliss
we'll run on the beach
live life and get pissed
Published 16th Aug 2014
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
25th Aug 2014 3:49am
I like the metaphor here. It's fun and creative and it provides a great juxtaposition to the underlying idea which is that drugs and the pull to different ones is a mind-boggling feeling. Structurally speaking, I am a bit thrown off by the long lines, they're much longer than the majority of lines. But that's just me. Also, this is a poetry site and creativity is required along with individual style, however, a poem is a still a poem and grammar check, "cuz" should be "cause" or "because." Having errors like that takes away your credibility and seriousness as a poet and for your poetry. Again, I did find the metaphor quite amusing.
31st Oct 2014 11:42pm
I really appreciate the comment and about the 'cuz' it happens to be apart of my cultural dialect but duly noted.I do realize now after reading over some of my line make no sense or happen to be too long as you said but I found that making any changes now would take away from the creative madness that it is.
