Unsent Letter to Maeve

It hurts me to see you so broken over someone who left you mangled, with your heart barely intact. I let you pour yourself over me, you stumbled through your words. They were sharp and jagged against my ears and caused me much inquietude. To hear about the feelings you had for someone other than I was insufferable. I guess I was just being selfish though. Like usual.

Our circumstances are, as we both know, quite odd. My feelings for you grew more rapid and thick than the weeds from my neighbors yard that spill through the cracks of my fence. I'm looking at them now as I recall the events of the moments prior to this. You are powerful and intimidating and even though that's what I fear most about you it is also what draws me in closer. You never really had a way with words though, every syllable stumbled lazily from your mouth (and fingers) when we spoke. Never knew the right things to say, Hana didn't either. That's probably why we wouldn't work out in the end anyways, right? Probably not.

The more I think about you, the more I begin to pick at every small thing I hate about you. That is a good thing though, right? I convinced myself it ought be time for us to separate because of, in your words, "what's happening". Feelings are what's happening you idiot. In our circle, though, I was never one to show them, so it shouldn't upset me when people little a mind to them when the do emerge. I was hoping things would be different and like usual I was disappointed by your complete dismissal. I guess our true selves come to light when faced with difficult situations.

I knew this would be the outcome, I knew from the beginning what I was getting into was trouble. I can only help but feel disdain; you continue to reinforce my behavior. I need to start teaching myself to back away. Maybe the distance was a good idea.

I still listen to loksins erum við engin every night.