deepundergroundpoetry.com
Devotion
Love unravels
Gossamer strings sway
In swim of grace aquatic
Tendrils a shade so light of blue
Pale to white in smoothing movements
Ever unwinding in my longing for you
Our distant moments embraced
Steal senses in flurries of falling snow
Cascading to sanctuary of silent lips
Patient stasis in the kissing which searches soul
Inserted deeply in still nude subsume
Pleasures' seance so peaceful
Only hearing drops
Roll of beating hearts tender
I offer you the air of cool breath
Share with me in giving care
Meld in honest
One and One
Melt to One
Nucleus
In the center of the spiral
You and I
Unraveling
Gossamer strings sway
In swim of grace aquatic
Tendrils a shade so light of blue
Pale to white in smoothing movements
Ever unwinding in my longing for you
Our distant moments embraced
Steal senses in flurries of falling snow
Cascading to sanctuary of silent lips
Patient stasis in the kissing which searches soul
Inserted deeply in still nude subsume
Pleasures' seance so peaceful
Only hearing drops
Roll of beating hearts tender
I offer you the air of cool breath
Share with me in giving care
Meld in honest
One and One
Melt to One
Nucleus
In the center of the spiral
You and I
Unraveling
Published 31st Mar 2011
| Edited 1st Apr 2011
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comments 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
31st Mar 2011 10:42am
31st Mar 2011 7:16pm
Such a beautiful peaceful quality to this poem..bringing the reader up..so sublime..peace Crim
1st Apr 2011 8:29pm
Anonymous
- Edited 1st Apr 2011 4:26am
1st Apr 2011 4:13am
This reminds me of the film Solaris in the way it moves at a serene pace while examining all these beautiful concepts. Your passion is something I envy. I can't quote a line as my favourite because almost each one is a talking point. The syntax, the purity of the expressions. If you're as good a lover as you are a poet, then mercy on the poor woman who dares to climb between your sheets.
Once again my only quibbles are to do with grammar:
1. L2, "strings away" - that doesn't really make sense. Would "slips away" be more cohesive?
2. L6, "longing of you" - I think you may have meant "for you".
Also, actually, I don't like the picture. It doesn't do justice to a work this complex, which should simply be about the words and the mental images they create. Just my opinion, of course.
Once again my only quibbles are to do with grammar:
1. L2, "strings away" - that doesn't really make sense. Would "slips away" be more cohesive?
2. L6, "longing of you" - I think you may have meant "for you".
Also, actually, I don't like the picture. It doesn't do justice to a work this complex, which should simply be about the words and the mental images they create. Just my opinion, of course.
