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Confessions 6/21/14

    "Hey, so how do you feel about your dad and I getting back together?"
   Her words hit me with the intensity of a thousand bullets hitting me in the head repeatedly.
   I froze, thinking about the months before. How this woman left my dad, breaking him to pieces, and leaving me behind to pick the fragments up. How they both told me everything about anything, even the full story of the break-up. How she got pregnant with another man's child and is trying to convince everyone that it's my dad's.
   I thought about how she had treated me like nothing but a nuisance and now thinks that everything is going to be as it used to. Everything I did for her at that point just rushed back at me and I realized she never really asked me to do anything or said please or thank you and that just pissed me off.
   At that moment, I had to make the decision on whether I was going to tell her the truth about my indifference to the situation or not. I went through scenarios of each response and decided the nicer response would be the lie, but I was done with telling people things to protect their feelings. I was done walking on eggshells.
   For the first time in twelve years, I told the woman the truth about how I felt.
   "I really just don't care, anymore," I said, "Even if I didn't like it, it's not like I could change anything. What's done is done. You can't take it back, but you still have to move forward."
   She didn't understand how I felt because she wasn't in my situation. No one was but me. Someone could be in the same place, but they have different parents than I, so the situation itself was totally different.
   I had been there for both of them; their shoulder to cry on, and cry on me, they did. After they soaked me through, though, they threw me out like an old rag. Neither of them really talking to me unless they were mad at me or needed me to do something. I shouldn't have done any of it. Now, our relationships are strained because of what I know, the truth I told, the secrets I kept, and the indifference I hold.
   "So what about the baby?" She asked next.
   I went back to lying and said, "I'm still deciding."
                      .         .        .
   She hasn't said a word to me since.
Written by DarknessIsNear
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