A Dream

(This is based solely on a dream I had on not on anything real)

She lay in the hospital bed. Her wrists and ankles were bound with every sort of bandage the hospital could produce, and I could see the little indents of the stitches that held her hand to the rest of her arm. The doctor came behind me, and said in a cold voice.

"It's a blessing she's alive."

I cringed, neither her nor I believed in blessing and the like. Was this a blessing? To her it wasn't, I didn't know what to feel. But at the moment I felt like I wasn't really breathing, just like her, I needed a machine to assist with my lungs filling and falling.

"How much longer?"
I asked

The doctor sighed, "Depends, she may recover... she may not."

I nodded and blinked away the tears, promising myself I wouldn't cry until it was just her and me, alone.

"I"ll give you some time."

And he left, out the door without another word.

And there she lay. Pale. Her long auburn hair lay on the pillow in a state of unkemptness and distress. I knew she wanted to die, she never really hid it. I thought I could help her. The pills are what started it, the blade is what ended it.

I loved her, she was my amazing girlfriend.... ex-girlfriend. That call, she told me it would be better if we weren't together, never gave me a reason. It's been two months since then, school's started, and for all I knew she wasn't going to go back.

I walked over to the side of her bed, and sat on a chair strategically placed so that you could see her, in every piece of her calm beauty, but the little deep red lines covered by white were hidden by perspective.

I didn't know what to say, if I could say anything. But seeing her, I remembered one thing.

"You didn't have, to walk my way."

Honeybee, that was our song. It's what I sang to her, the song that made me think about her.

"Your eyes still haunt me, to this day."

Her's were closed, staring at the nothing that was either death or comatose.

"But you did, yes you did."

My voice cracked, I was tone deaf as hell, luckily she couldn't hear me.

"You didn't have to say my name, ignite my circuits, start a flame. But you did."

It was actually her name that started the spark. I called her name at the end of the school day and handed her my number, Valentine's Day no less. Her name was the spark to my ignition, her name started this flame, what we had, this moment, her name started us. And perhaps her flame diminished long before I even knew fire extinguisher existed.

"Oh turpentine erase me whole."

Turpentine was a vapor one can breath in to reduce chest congestion. Not the most romantic, but never the less my favorite part of the song. A vapor, causing one to completely melt away and vanish into the thin air of space around them. When applied to the skin it reduces swelling and rashes, so turpentine, please, erase me whole.

"Cause I don't want to live my life alone."

My voice caught, and tears began to stream down my face. I thought... I was certain until the moment I wasn't that I was completely and totally in love with this women. This women, who laid dying, or rather already dead, in a bed beside me with stitches in her arms and left me to wonder. Left me with questions. I wanted to be mad but all I could feel was the overwhelming amount of nostalgia and regret for ever letting her get away. I thought.... I was certain, I could help her. But now... I live my life alone.

"Set me free, my, honeybee."

I lost it. I wailed into her chest, smelling nothing but the chemicals they have filled her with and the stench of industrial laundry cleaner. She no longer smelled of long gone wind and coffee. She was gone, she set me free and all I wanted was to be back in her capture and held by her. I didn't want to be away, my wings were broken and this honeybee couldn't fly without the other.

I continued to cry, as the song repeated over and over in my head. The verses and sighs and movements I knew by heart, and I clutched onto her hospital cold skin and waited for her to move and hold my head like she used to and say that it would be alright.

"Hello... goodbye, twas nice to know you, how I find myself without you."

I tried to sing to her. Bring her back.

Please.

please