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Jacob the Hunter (Pt. 1)

(this is just a short story I have been working on. I could use some criticism on it to help guide me in the right direction for it)
 
 Once, there was a young boy named Jacob; He lived on the countryside in a small cottage, along with his two sisters, brother and mother. One day, a tall strange man came rushing to the small cottage. He knocks and knocks on the door yelling, “someone, anyone...let me in." Jacob's mother replies,” who are you, and what do you want?" as she steadily creeps to the door. "My name is, Sir James Newborn and there is a creature chasing me, please help me" he said with the sound of fear drowning in his voice. Jacob sadly begs his mother to help Newborn, "Mother, this man needs our help, why haven't we opened the door for him yet." he says with a look of confusion on his face. "Jacob, we know nothing of the truth this man speaks of, we cannot let him in." She replies, with the pounding and frantic cries for help coming from Sir Newborn at the door. Jacob rushes to the door, disregarding the warning of his mother. As Jacob opens the door; he catches a glimpse of the creature chasing Newborn. "Hurry and close it boy, or the creature will kill us all," yelled Newborn, while he stood in the cottage shaking in fear.
 
    After several minutes past and a quaint, but eerie silence fills the room, Newborn catches his breath and explains, how the events of him being chased by the creature came to pass. "I am the sole survivor of a group of ten, fine, brave men of the king's guard," said Newborn, “We were on our way to meet up with the rest of his majesty’s royal guards. When we were attacked by this creature; to this very moment I can still hear the ripping of flesh from my comrades, the smell of a foul stench from its breath, and fear I felt as I fought for my life to escape." As the howls of the creature outside echoed through the cottage; it was the youngest of the siblings, Daniel, who notice the eldest sister was missing. Jacob's mother cries out, “Melissa, Melissa." Everyone, franticly begin searching the cottage. When the youngest sister, Catherine, yells "I found her," from kitchen. Jacob rushes into the kitchen to suddenly stop in shock at the sight of Melissa standing staring at the door in a trance like state of mind. He yells, “Melissa, what are you doing? “As she reaches for the knob.
 
     Too late to react at the sight of Melissa opening the door, the creature bursts into the cottage digging it's fangs into the side of Melissa's throat, splatting blood on both Daniel and Jacob. Jacob begins to quickly back up as he watched the creature rip the flesh from her throat. "Everyone, run!" he yelled, "It's now in the house." Daniel turns to run, only to be too late and slashed in the back by the creature's claws. The creature rushes towards Catherine, grabs her by the arms and rips the off from her body.  With an intense bloodlust, the creature turns towards Jacob and charges at him. It leaps into the air. In an attempt to save her son, Jacob’s mother dives in front of the creature only to be slashed across her crest. “Mother!” Jacob yelled, as tears stream down his face. “Why did you try to protect me?”  
 
       With Jacob holding his dying mother’s body in his arms. She says in a faint whisper, “You are the last surviving member of our family,” as she coughs up blood that splatters on Jacob’s face,” you must stay alive and live your days out in happiness.” As her eyes begins to flicker closed. She say in her final breath,” Be brave Jacob…I love you.” Paralyzed with trauma at the death of his family, the creature charged towards Jacob. “Boy, stand and run!” Newborn commands Jacob, as he unsheathe his sword. Unaware of the creature coming toward him.  Newborn rushing to Jacob’s side in the attempt to attack the creature, only to be knocked back onto the wall. Angered at the thought of Newborn attack it, the creature starts moving slowly towards him.
 
      At the sound of Newborn hitting the wall, Jacob snaps out of his current state. He quickly begins to scan the area and gazes at Newborn’s sword, grabs it and runs towards him. As the creature starts running towards Newborn, Jacob closes his eyes and dives between the two. Slowly opening his eyes, Jacob sees the creature impaled on the sword with its blood stream down the blade onto his hands. Shoving the creature and the sword from his hands, he slowly stands up and looks around his once happy home. “Son, we must leave.” Newborn sadly says. “This is no longer your home…I’m sorry.”
 
   Outside of his home, Jacob watches as Sir Newborn set ablaze his house with the bodies of his family inside. “Son you will come with me, to live in my home.” says Newborn. As they begin walking away, not noticing, a body crawls in to the woods.
Written by ManorMyth (Man_Or_Myth)
Published | Edited 14th Jul 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.

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