...............Losing.

i tried i tried to talk about a topic everyone likes to hear.
but no, i'm filled with so much negativity myself i fear.
quick to tell a hoe to shut up and sit the fuck down.
bitchez up in here know larry don't fuck around.
dyin' young iz my destiny,dyin' young don't bother me.
at least then my mind won't be able to produce these nightmares my eye'z see.

till then all i got on my mind iz death and sex.
poppin' pillz to get rid of all my regrets.
a long damn time ago i lost my self respect.
now i don't give two shits about nann mutha fucka.
not me,you,ya sista or ya brotha.
there's nothing worth living for anymore.
pessimistic somewhat sadistic o.d. find my body on the living room floor.

no jobs,no way to make money.
all i can see iz a pill bottle in my hand fuck the money.
i don't wanna fight no more.
i don't wanna live my life no more.
point blank,i just don't giva fuck no more.
i just wanna die,i just wanna die.
leave all this bullshit behind.
i'm so tired of the grind.
so sick of crying.
much rather be dying.
then my soul shall be flying.
there's not enuff will power for me to wanna continue on with this life.
i just wanna die,i just wanna die.
lord have mercy on me for having these hurtful thoughts.
i've lost the will to live.
i have nothing more to give.
bad luck,fuck up,mentally & physically stuck.
i've lost my fucking mind.
wish on life i could press rewind.
it'z not possible,my past i cannot change,i wish i had the love of my life back in my life.
since i have nothing and am nothing,to give iz nothing.
so with nothing you can never have something.
into this darkness i am steadily sinking,where did all my positivity disappear to? what the fuck happened? where did i go wrong? kill me pleaze,pillz kill me,make me break,cause my eternal demise.

i just wanna die,i just wanna die.
i am so pitiful.
sitting here so alone with a broken heart,i have broken hopes,i have a broken spirit,every "fucking" thing is broken,why did i ruin everything? i wanted your love,but all i did was fuck it up.
nothing in this world worth living for anymore,since i lost you.
truly alone,i hate alone.
praying for Jesus to take me home.
no longer will i be alone.
suffering,i've seen it all.
followed my dreams,they were all nightmares,that's all.
love is the only thing i live for,and i don't have love.
there's no one to love me.
so i don't love me.
i'm the type of man that gets teary eyed over chick flix.
even crying over chick flix.
i'm overly sensitive and too openly caring,damn all this,shit iz a trip.
crying watchin' chasing amy,pretty in pink,about last night,when harry met sally,amongst others.
movies of love,drama, or those who are or have lost their mothers.

it's a fucked up sight to see.
this is just me feeling pity for me.
i even got friends telling me i'm metro sexual.
all cause i like chick flix,n'sync,backstreet,read cosmopolitan,whatever,i know myself,i'm hetro sexual.
nothing at all,not a got damn thing against the gay.
i just know that for me,i'm straight as a board as they say.
all the weirdness,craziness,fucked up shit.
i hate my life and the way i live,i've tried so many fucking times to change it.

every time a positive door opens up.
slam,that mutha fucka closes shut.
can i get a little piece of happiness in my life?.
or is this all there's gonna be? that's why,that's exactly why.......i just wanna die,i wanna die,i wanna die,just fucking pleaze let me die.......there iz no one on this earth to comfort me.
no one to tell me everything will get better for me.
i'm just fucking fucked in this game.
since '85 i been suffering from a slow brain drain.
maybe that's why all this shit i inflict upon myself iz happening the way it does.
i done did this all to my damn self,so i need not fuss.
k'sera sera that's all i gotta say for now.
like ricky harris said in his closing..........................TAADOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!