"Random"

  
 Guys, please remember, silence
 does not indicate your performance
 left her speechless
  
 If you think an education is expensive, observe ignorance
  
 Obviously, there was a life guard
 at some folks' gene pool
 Resuscitation is not always best
  
 I've told a few people
 'Don't play stupid with me
 it's unfair, you're a professional'
  
 Those who know little
 repeat it often
 Those with a narrow mind
 possess the broadest tongue

 Most men say, 'It is impossible
 to see inside a woman's head'
 I ask, 'Ever visit the Statue of Liberty'

 There are few things
 more expensive than a woman
 who is 'free for the weekend'

 Ever notice, gals or guys are like credit cards
 If you already have one
 it is much easier to get another

 Preacher's daughters generally have bad reputations
 Following much consideration, I believe this is because
 they spend a lot of time in the missionary position

 You know you're getting older
 when 'Getting lucky' means
 you're about to find your car keys

 If it takes you all night to do
 what you used to do all night
 you're probably old as hell

 If your spouse and your teeth have this in common
 They no longer sleep with you
 You are old as hell

 The best thing about being
 more than ninety years of age
 No peer pressure

 Ladies, if you wish to keep a man
 from reading your personal emails
 Label the folder 'Directions'
 
 Consider ham and eggs
 Day at the office for one
 Lifetime commitment for the other

 Hangover
 The Wrath Of Grapes

 Why take life so seriously
 It's not like anybody gets out alive

 It occurred to me why
 they chose to call it a 'Wonder Bra'
 When the gal takes it off
 I wonder where the hell her boobs went

 Do you know which sexual position
 produces the ugliest babies
 Ask your mother

 What is the difference
 between a bonus and a penis
 A wife will blow a bonus

 54% of single women carry condoms
 46% carry babies

 What do you call men who use
 the 'pull out' method for birth control
 Daddy

 What do you call a teenager
 who does not masturbate
 Liar