deepundergroundpoetry.com
Psy Boy
I would like to state this this poem is a work in progress. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Best wishes, RB
Psychedelic boy,
Kaleidoscopic eyes,
Two luminescent spheres
Gazing into mine.
Psychedelic boy,
Take me psy-high
Show me your wonderland
Where colours intertwine
Psychedelic boy,
Teach me how to fly,
The world is all yours
Imagination is your guide,
Psychedelic boy,
Won't you take me away,
Show me the way to your mind.
Psychedelic boy,
Kaleidoscopic eyes,
Two luminescent spheres
Gazing into mine.
Psychedelic boy,
Take me psy-high
Show me your wonderland
Where colours intertwine
Psychedelic boy,
Teach me how to fly,
The world is all yours
Imagination is your guide,
Psychedelic boy,
Won't you take me away,
Show me the way to your mind.
Published 22nd Mar 2014
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likes 7
reading list entries 0
comments 8
reads 788
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Mar 2014 2:29pm
I like what your doing. It's the last line that seems to not fit. " let me explore your thoughts
Share your wishes, ideals and lies" .
I look forward to the finally work.
Share your wishes, ideals and lies" .
I look forward to the finally work.
I like This honest approach of a subject so many of us has lived through and some did not.
forever_young has offered a very good suggestion
Keep it up R B
Best wishes to You, R T
forever_young has offered a very good suggestion
Keep it up R B
Best wishes to You, R T
22nd Mar 2014 6:04pm
22nd Mar 2014 6:07pm
Anonymous
22nd Mar 2014 9:00pm
<< post removed >>
23rd Mar 2014 2:29am
23rd Mar 2014 2:32pm
It is perfect as it is, THE ENDING. The conclusion
is what should be expanded upon.
is what should be expanded upon.
Anonymous
23rd Mar 2014 7:43pm
I'm loving this one so far. I can't wait to see the finished product. :]
