Chaos In San Francisco

 Rain poured at unpredictable times and rhythms, the drenching showers barely register, only giving me the slightest reminder that there is an outside reality

For today I live deep inside the echoing hollow of myself more than any other

It is as though when someone addresses me the sound of their voice has to travel down a long hallway before it even has a chance of me hearing them

I am at an unfamiliar heightened state of emotion, tears of longing roll from my eyes with an undeniable passion I have never known

I weave through a busy city full of people, each single one is hideous to me, they do not even appear human

It is because I am searching for your features in every face I see and when It is not there I am flooded with more disappointment than I can process

I keep looking for you even though I do know you are not here, but in my delirious state I can only hope that my love for you can twist the very fabric of reality and manifest you in my presence on the merit of my desire, which feels other-wordily

Now I spend time in this mindset which i can only describe as strange brew, when separation anxiety reaches levels of spirituality and then filters through leaving the body drained

I feel like a single digit lost in the notes of a complex math equation, a being lost in a quantum theory

Cars roar by in an endless drenched parade, mechanical animals whose engines wear at my soil born soul

I am a ghost in my own life, hovering a wasteland, truly invisible

In the chaotic turmoil and relentless barrage of sound, light and cold, I continue on my benumbed travel

I am a spectral shell of myself yet there is enough density to contain the whirlwind of emotion that seems to power my every movement

I do not care If I unravel as so much string on these streets and my insides are raveled on display for thousands of uncaring strangers

They make me feel more alone than I could ever be by myself