Submissions by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
"Light the flowers of the earth like incense and come dance with me in a field of fire" - Johnny Ox
Purge
There was an innate sort of control, that came with slipping my fingers down my throat,
Because at that moment, when the world went still and quiet, I had never felt more alive.
And maybe I was damned, from the moment I traded dinners for crushed ice and koolaid packets, or when I began to weigh myself every morning when I woke up, and every night when I went to bed, but god; could I have cared any less than in that small, moment of blissful silence.
I am older now, and eating tastes like chewed up fingernails and sugar free crystal light, But I am not doing it anymore;...
Because at that moment, when the world went still and quiet, I had never felt more alive.
And maybe I was damned, from the moment I traded dinners for crushed ice and koolaid packets, or when I began to weigh myself every morning when I woke up, and every night when I went to bed, but god; could I have cared any less than in that small, moment of blissful silence.
I am older now, and eating tastes like chewed up fingernails and sugar free crystal light, But I am not doing it anymore;...
#food
#EatingDisorder
76 reads
1 Comment
Your Young
No one ever tells you of the burden of being an older sister; how fucking hard it is, to leave your young, even when they were not born from your womb.
She and I wrestled upon my bed today, us laughing as we hurled pillows at one another, and then as it was time to go, she crawled into my arms, and told me she did not want to go, that I could come back with her, and she and I could share ice cream sandwiches.
I cry for her, because I was her, when MY older sister left, and I cry for her because she is the only child left in that house, alone and barren of all light and...
She and I wrestled upon my bed today, us laughing as we hurled pillows at one another, and then as it was time to go, she crawled into my arms, and told me she did not want to go, that I could come back with her, and she and I could share ice cream sandwiches.
I cry for her, because I was her, when MY older sister left, and I cry for her because she is the only child left in that house, alone and barren of all light and...
#hurt
112 reads
3 Comments
Sin and all of his friends
I have never known of love, but I have known of sin and all of his friends; and the lust that comes with them. I am so good at it, I am the best of them all, at pretending it does not hurt, knowing that someone would rather fuck me, than love me.
And maybe that is all I am good for, and how sad, that is.
That they could fuck me, spread my legs and sink into their little own piece of oblivion, but that they could not grow the spines to stick around, afterwards; that is perhaps, the saddest thing of all.
I have never known of a love, but I have known of the lust that comes...
And maybe that is all I am good for, and how sad, that is.
That they could fuck me, spread my legs and sink into their little own piece of oblivion, but that they could not grow the spines to stick around, afterwards; that is perhaps, the saddest thing of all.
I have never known of a love, but I have known of the lust that comes...
#depression
102 reads
2 Comments
Hollow
You scooped my insides out and left me as empty as a hollow pin pricked egg; left with nothing but half baked sorry ass text message apologies, and crying so hard at night I could not breathe.
I don't know why I always fall for men like you, perhaps it is something that I am missing within myself, that maybe I think that they must have; but never do.
I have been picked apart by so many people, my bones used as toothpicks and my heart as an ashtray; that I have somehow forgotten what being enough for someone felt like in the first place.
You told me you had...
I don't know why I always fall for men like you, perhaps it is something that I am missing within myself, that maybe I think that they must have; but never do.
I have been picked apart by so many people, my bones used as toothpicks and my heart as an ashtray; that I have somehow forgotten what being enough for someone felt like in the first place.
You told me you had...
#breakup
#feminism
116 reads
2 Comments
Approval
I wish I knew why you didn't like me, mommy. I have spent my whole life chasing something that tastes like your approval, even though it turns my stomach sour and cold.
I have cut away pieces and parts of myself, to fit into the shape that is you, and it will never be enough, I, will never be enough.
I am right here, mommy; waiting for you to finally realize that you have more than enough to love to share, enough to include me in window shopping trips, enough to buy me bath and body works lotions too, enough to call me more than just when you need something.
Your approval...
I have cut away pieces and parts of myself, to fit into the shape that is you, and it will never be enough, I, will never be enough.
I am right here, mommy; waiting for you to finally realize that you have more than enough to love to share, enough to include me in window shopping trips, enough to buy me bath and body works lotions too, enough to call me more than just when you need something.
Your approval...
#daughter
156 reads
2 Comments
In all his glory
Depression sits on a throne concocted of bones from all the lovers he ever kept with him in his bed, and he wears a crown of thorns plucked straight from the roses that once bloomed in the garden of Eden, he has many names; Tempestuous, The first fallen; Devil, At least in my mind.
He can make you feel so whole, and so not alone, and then he can make you feel as if you were the last being on earth herself. He is always there, prancing around in the deepest darkest spaces of my mind, taunting me. Because whether I like it or not, he knows all of me; every bad memory, ever trigger,...
He can make you feel so whole, and so not alone, and then he can make you feel as if you were the last being on earth herself. He is always there, prancing around in the deepest darkest spaces of my mind, taunting me. Because whether I like it or not, he knows all of me; every bad memory, ever trigger,...
#sadness
#depression
#MentalHealth
139 reads
1 Comment
Inferno
Come dance with me, in a field of fire; flesh and boned be damned,
It is all insurmountable, when it comes to you.
It is as if you are encased inside of my chest, willing my heart to beat, pumping my withered lungs full of air, whether it is for me, I do not know; and I'm not quite sure if I care, either.
You could twist the knife, load the gun, and I would still love you; deep down.
It is as primal as mother nature herself, the feelings swirling on the inside of my rib cage.
You could have it all; sinew be damned; as long as it meant that you and I would...
It is all insurmountable, when it comes to you.
It is as if you are encased inside of my chest, willing my heart to beat, pumping my withered lungs full of air, whether it is for me, I do not know; and I'm not quite sure if I care, either.
You could twist the knife, load the gun, and I would still love you; deep down.
It is as primal as mother nature herself, the feelings swirling on the inside of my rib cage.
You could have it all; sinew be damned; as long as it meant that you and I would...
#books
#hell
180 reads
3 Comments
Limelight
You could ravish me behind closed doors, windows and curtains; but would not do so in the daylight.
You could dip your fingers into me, and make me sing such beautiful melodies, but you did not have the courage to be with me in the daylight, in front of the sky and the trees, and others;
and that feeling cuts like knives in the pit of my stomach,
the feeling of shame that had no business living on the inside of my bones in the first place.
Shame that you placed between my ribs.
And fuck you, for ever making me believe that It ever belonged...
You could dip your fingers into me, and make me sing such beautiful melodies, but you did not have the courage to be with me in the daylight, in front of the sky and the trees, and others;
and that feeling cuts like knives in the pit of my stomach,
the feeling of shame that had no business living on the inside of my bones in the first place.
Shame that you placed between my ribs.
And fuck you, for ever making me believe that It ever belonged...
#boyfriend
#breakup
#lover
255 reads
3 Comments
unrequited love
Sometimes, I wonder if you think of me; if at night, when the world herself has gone still and quiet, and the moon has come out to play and mourn for her lost loves, if you begin to think of me. Do you remember what you did, and everything you said?
Because I do; I remember it all.
I remember being the only thirteen year old girl with a boyfriend who was twenty three years old,
I remember being the only girl to experience confused arousal, because boys my age didn't even know what some of the things you told me about were; and neither did I.
So do you feel bad, about...
Because I do; I remember it all.
I remember being the only thirteen year old girl with a boyfriend who was twenty three years old,
I remember being the only girl to experience confused arousal, because boys my age didn't even know what some of the things you told me about were; and neither did I.
So do you feel bad, about...
#abuse
#manipulation
303 reads
3 Comments
Metamorphosis
Have you ever watched someone die, watched their entire being sink from within themselves?
It is not what they say it's like in the movies, or at least it was not this way for me.
There was no great outcry, no white light shining from within, or wherever they go when they leave their bodies behind,She just died.
And as my family wept around me, their sobs wrapping me in a cloak of something that tasted like iron, and salt, I realized that this was not the end; not for her anyways.
I knew that she was so tired, and in so much pain, but her death was so sudden, and it...
It is not what they say it's like in the movies, or at least it was not this way for me.
There was no great outcry, no white light shining from within, or wherever they go when they leave their bodies behind,She just died.
And as my family wept around me, their sobs wrapping me in a cloak of something that tasted like iron, and salt, I realized that this was not the end; not for her anyways.
I knew that she was so tired, and in so much pain, but her death was so sudden, and it...
#grief
#death
#memorial
224 reads
0 Comments
All my love, Max.
Sometimes I fear I am ruining you, that the way I am bringing you up isn't good enough; That I, am not good enough.
I am trying so hard, mi vida; I am raising you up from nothing but ash and gentle kisses,
And sometimes I just have to stop and marvel at the smart little girl you are growing into,
And remind myself that I am doing my best.
You may not have been born from me; your flesh, and blood is not mine; you did not arise from a rib bone, nor were you sculpted from clay and ash.
But you will always be mine; my little girl, and my little love.
They...
I am trying so hard, mi vida; I am raising you up from nothing but ash and gentle kisses,
And sometimes I just have to stop and marvel at the smart little girl you are growing into,
And remind myself that I am doing my best.
You may not have been born from me; your flesh, and blood is not mine; you did not arise from a rib bone, nor were you sculpted from clay and ash.
But you will always be mine; my little girl, and my little love.
They...
#motherhood
156 reads
3 Comments
Siren song
We have not been together for a long time, and the love we held for each other has gone and seeped it’s way back into the earth, but it is alright;
Because I am so good at one thing, and that thing is being alone.
I am a siren, keeping men and women with me like a shawl of the dead, doomed to rot with me until the end of everything, the ending of earth herself.
You told me that you want me, and that it doesn’t have to be labeled, but how could it be anything like what we’d had before?
I would have carved you out of my rib, flesh and all; had you asked me to. ...
Because I am so good at one thing, and that thing is being alone.
I am a siren, keeping men and women with me like a shawl of the dead, doomed to rot with me until the end of everything, the ending of earth herself.
You told me that you want me, and that it doesn’t have to be labeled, but how could it be anything like what we’d had before?
I would have carved you out of my rib, flesh and all; had you asked me to. ...
#religion
#fiction
124 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)