Thoughts or opinions?

I lifted my head and saw her face
  So much beauty had filled this place
 The room stood still and became real quiet
  This feeling I had man you should try it
   I told myself this was my shot
I cleared my head and smoked some pot
  I walked right up with a handful of sweat
  I tell you it was love right when we met
  Her eyes lit up with streaks of blue
The butterflies I had I swear I flew
   I took her hand and helped her up
 She came with and left her cup
    We went outside and began to talk
  Within seconeds our eyes would lock
   The rest of the night had felt so right
She didn't want to leave my sight
 The time had come and she had to
leave
  She softly grabbed the top of my sleeve
 She leaned on in and kissed my cheek.
  My knees would buckle and become real weak
  I gave her a hug and she started to leave
  Finally at last I was able to breath
 As she was leaving she looked back at me
 And at that moment I knew I had fell in love with Lindsay Lee

                    -loky
 
 

Loky, I must remind you again, if you want feed backs please post this poem in http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/workshop/read/7129/

this is to ensure that critique me, look at me and all sorts of similar posts are not all over the place. It helps with redundancy. Please post your poems that you want read or critiqued in that thread.

Hey just wanted to let you know the poem your wrote was beautiful and sweet...great job :)