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Can't Write, Can't Live

poet Anonymous

So this is a ramble because I am not letting anyone feel suicidal ever and damn sure not letting suicide happen. Don't care if you're a stranger, don't care if you think I'm weird, I'm not lettig anyone die without a good, long.fight.


All I can say is that I felt the same for a long time. Like there was a script I needed to write to, and when I couldn't meet that I felt like shit. Sometimes I still feel like that, but you gotta realise that writing to the script is damn impossible because it changes for everyone. Write a love story fairy-tale-bullshit with a happy ending, someone's going to want the villain to win, vice versa. I noticed that, and so I decided, "fuck all. I'm going to open my head, ladle out some brain juice, and splash that shit onto some paper" I wasn't hoping for people to hate it. I just didn't care, because I wasn't writing for anyone's approval or attention. I was writing for myself, toying with my demons and my blood,  poking fun at my brain and utterly exhausting myself.

You say you're suicidal because you cant write, you're asking for help and calling yourself worthless. Listen, been there, had to go through the bullshit of depression. But you don't want to die. You think you do, but you just need to be saved. Words, while they stick with us, are not the only way of gaining hope, not the only thing that matters in this sack of bricks and horse meat. Words fade over time, no matter how hard we try. So just read this, use it for as long as you see fit.

You're good enough. Your thoughts, the negative thoughts are lies, they are trying to make you blind and I know its hard to see that they are harming you, but you have to try. Have hope, you strong,  person. You're at a point where all seems lost, you wouldn't be asking for help if you havent already lost a battle or more. But not every lose is a loss, remember that history shows losing a battle does not mean losing a war. You're beautifully strong and your words carry weight enough to have proven their worth. You say your gift has faded, it has not. You've simply lost sight of it. Even in your cry for help your words were pretty in a broken way, however sorrowed.
You do not have to be a writer to be someone, something. We're all someone, even the dead have small life. Behind soulless eyes there is still something, a fragment of the core that was once there. The point of living is living life the way you want. It isn't about winning or losing or becoming greatness. It's about jumping into your favourite thing, tearing down the track, not stopping to think and burying the meters. You live for the sake and the fight and the thousands of stars. You live for stupid conversations and perfect comebacks, river-side days and lost sunsets, memories that you know you'll lose but still create anyway. You live because you can, because in your own way you are perfect. You don't need words to depend your life on, you don't need verse to rest your head. You have a beautiful gift, the gift to be strong enough to stand with no weapons against an army of mind-made hellhounds and beat them down over and over, to be brave enough to shirk your walls and show your weakness to people you don't know, to masks, and ask for help. To push your monsters away time and time again and have the courage to breathe! Do not worry about simple words, dont worry about if your verse seems good to you, because someone out there will love it and silently thank you for your words. Just write. Write whatever happens in your head, craft a story from speaking with friends. This world is a game in which we are pawn and player, but we can choose which one We act like. So pick up your pen, retreat to your mind and let loose the floods. Write of twisted dreams or dark fantasies. Write of hurt, pain, anything that gives you a reason to believe that you deserves to breathe. This world is a horrid place, we don't need to add a mind such as yours to the death toll. Stay alive, stayy writing, and stay creepy. You're worth more than you think. Anyone who says otherwise is either selling something.

DaddyPhantom
DaddyPhantomPhotoTron
Twisted Dreamer
United States
Joined 21st Aug 2012
Forum Posts: 41

When I made the transition from Conscious Hip Hop to Urban Poetry, I had reservations about the quality of my pieces (14 years ago). I asked a fellow artist,"What if they don't like me?" Her reply was, "Do we care what THEY think?". It was the best advice I ever received as an artist because it transcends all genres. Are we artists because we seek public approval? No. We're artists because it's in our souls, the art consumes us and leaves us no choice.
 In other words. Just write. Even if you're writing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" repeatedly. Write from your soul, F what anyone thinks. Write for you.
 I couldn't imagine what I would do without Daddy Phantom PhotoTron. I couldn't live without that artistic entity, so I see where you're coming from. Thank goodness, they're not going anywhere. The source of your writing never leaves you. It may lie dormant, but it will always be there, waiting for you to come home. Just relax and write young lady, you have too much ahead of you to be doubting yourself and your abilities.

MythMalefactress9
Myth Malefactress
Twisted Dreamer
United States 1awards
Joined 15th Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 69

johnrot said:he's a dick
but completely correct

suck it up sistah
get hurt rub some fn dirt in it,
buy a notebook and a new pen

life sux at first glance,second and third too....

can be quite a few good times in the middle tho.

but no one is responsible for that but you and nobody else can tell you how to make it better. youll fig it out.



First of all, I'm asking for writing advice. Not life advice. I know life fucking sucks and everyone just feels like target practice for the Fates and the clips of their strings. But, then there's the second of all, which is the really loud of all. Don't tell me to harden up or suck it up. I'm hardened as much as I possibly can be. And I'm not going to tell my high school teacher with cancer or my deaf fiancé to suck it up because THEY CAN'T. And I can't either. So how about you give me some actual writing advice, which doesn't involve the unnecessary purchase of a new pen and paper, instead of giving me a very sad, cruel attempt at a motivational speech.  

MythMalefactress9
Myth Malefactress
Twisted Dreamer
United States 1awards
Joined 15th Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 69

[quote-284952-HHMCameron]let what you have flow from you



edit after you write, not while you are writing

quote]


Thank you very much. Hmph, this is very good advice. I used to be the sort of poet that could not only make love with words, but rape the page, do it with madness and violence and without a moral care, take advantage of the lines and the corners and the peels of paper. But I have lost that to the perfectionist who wants to dip her inkly scrotum hesitantly into the vessel of her release... I tread lightly and slowly and I have forgotten how good the sex feels when I let go. I must wait to edit and let myself fuck the page again.

(sorry about this imagery. I am feeling very vulgar at the moment... I'm not sure if I used the term 'scrotum' correctly)

But anyway, thank you for your advice...And writing is the best way to escape.

MythMalefactress9
Myth Malefactress
Twisted Dreamer
United States 1awards
Joined 15th Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 69

Angels-Remedy said:So this is a ramble because I am not letting anyone feel suicidal ever and damn sure not letting suicide happen. Don't care if you're a stranger, don't care if you think I'm weird, I'm not lettig anyone die without a good, long.fight.


All I can say is that I felt the same for a long time. Like there was a script I needed to write to, and when I couldn't meet that I felt like shit. Sometimes I still feel like that, but you gotta realise that writing to the script is damn impossible because it changes for everyone. Write a love story fairy-tale-bullshit with a happy ending, someone's going to want the villain to win, vice versa. I noticed that, and so I decided, "fuck all. I'm going to open my head, ladle out some brain juice, and splash that shit onto some paper" I wasn't hoping for people to hate it. I just didn't care, because I wasn't writing for anyone's approval or attention. I was writing for myself, toying with my demons and my blood,  poking fun at my brain and utterly exhausting myself.

You say you're suicidal because you cant write, you're asking for help and calling yourself worthless. Listen, been there, had to go through the bullshit of depression. But you don't want to die. You think you do, but you just need to be saved. Words, while they stick with us, are not the only way of gaining hope, not the only thing that matters in this sack of bricks and horse meat. Words fade over time, no matter how hard we try. So just read this, use it for as long as you see fit.

You're good enough. Your thoughts, the negative thoughts are lies, they are trying to make you blind and I know its hard to see that they are harming you, but you have to try. Have hope, you strong,  person. You're at a point where all seems lost, you wouldn't be asking for help if you havent already lost a battle or more. But not every lose is a loss, remember that history shows losing a battle does not mean losing a war. You're beautifully strong and your words carry weight enough to have proven their worth. You say your gift has faded, it has not. You've simply lost sight of it. Even in your cry for help your words were pretty in a broken way, however sorrowed.
You do not have to be a writer to be someone, something. We're all someone, even the dead have small life. Behind soulless eyes there is still something, a fragment of the core that was once there. The point of living is living life the way you want. It isn't about winning or losing or becoming greatness. It's about jumping into your favourite thing, tearing down the track, not stopping to think and burying the meters. You live for the sake and the fight and the thousands of stars. You live for stupid conversations and perfect comebacks, river-side days and lost sunsets, memories that you know you'll lose but still create anyway. You live because you can, because in your own way you are perfect. You don't need words to depend your life on, you don't need verse to rest your head. You have a beautiful gift, the gift to be strong enough to stand with no weapons against an army of mind-made hellhounds and beat them down over and over, to be brave enough to shirk your walls and show your weakness to people you don't know, to masks, and ask for help. To push your monsters away time and time again and have the courage to breathe! Do not worry about simple words, dont worry about if your verse seems good to you, because someone out there will love it and silently thank you for your words. Just write. Write whatever happens in your head, craft a story from speaking with friends. This world is a game in which we are pawn and player, but we can choose which one We act like. So pick up your pen, retreat to your mind and let loose the floods. Write of twisted dreams or dark fantasies. Write of hurt, pain, anything that gives you a reason to believe that you deserves to breathe. This world is a horrid place, we don't need to add a mind such as yours to the death toll. Stay alive, stayy writing, and stay creepy. You're worth more than you think. Anyone who says otherwise is either selling something.



Thank you. I wish I could say more, but my words are tiny in stand of yours. Thank you.

anonymouslyhere
Pariah Shadow
Dangerous Mind
United States 5awards
Joined 31st Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 1633

I suck at writing, doesn't mean I don't do it. Just let all those emotions flow like a river, it doesn't matter if its good. If it hold meaning to you its good enough, and, someone will like it. It isn't how good it is, its how good it feels to write it. Most of my poems that hold the deepest meaning, and that I admire the most, are my least popular ones, view wise, doesn't matter, they still hold deep meaning to me, so I like them. Unless your just depending on it to make you money, don't give a shit how good other people think it is, its how good it is to you, I mean sure try to make it as good as possible don't just type but once you've made it as good as you can, then let it go. I've got a small following, of about 3 poets, who regularly view my work, if I can do that anyone can!

MythMalefactress9
Myth Malefactress
Twisted Dreamer
United States 1awards
Joined 15th Oct 2013
Forum Posts: 69

But what if its the only thing you've ever been good at? The only thing you've ever been recognized for... It must be good...

HHMCameron
BetaWolfinVA
Fire of Insight
United States 4awards
Joined 17th Oct 2014
Forum Posts: 315

one thing that might get you back into the spirit is porting old works here from where ever they are squirreled.


all of mine are in at least three places...

seems to be a better audience here...

and there is an active forum here...

Waterviolet
Fire of Insight
Canada 4awards
Joined 14th Mar 2014
Forum Posts: 628

Bump

johnrot
Tyrant of Words
21awards
Joined 10th Oct 2012
Forum Posts: 3645

MythMalefactress9 said:[quote-284924-johnrot]he's a dick
but completely correct

suck it up sistah
get hurt rub some fn dirt in it,
buy a notebook and a new pen

life sux at first glance,second and third too....

can be quite a few good times in the middle tho.

but no one is responsible for that but you and nobody else can tell you how to make it better. youll fig it out.



First of all, I'm asking for writing advice. Not life advice. I know life fucking sucks and everyone just feels like target practice for the Fates and the clips of their strings. But, then there's the second of all, which is the really loud of all. Don't tell me to harden up or suck it up. I'm hardened as much as I possibly can be. And I'm not going to tell my high school teacher with cancer or my deaf fiancé to suck it up because THEY CAN'T. And I can't either. So how about you give me some actual writing advice, which doesn't involve the unnecessary purchase of a new pen and paper, instead of giving me a very sad, cruel attempt at a motivational speech.  [/quote]


sorry i always sound like a dick mam. i mean no insult. i am no life coach and i didnt mean to sound that way. i guess what i meant is honesty is important in writing,to me.
to admit weakness is stronger than attempting to be a tough guy.
you hit a certain wound and i might have lashed out.

it's ok to be hurt sometimes. all the time....
talk about it but be real.thas the only way.
my writing is nothing for a model.
i don't claim that.
but a new pen and paper can enthuse an individual.

i didn't mean to talk tall or act like i know something.

i look forward to your future writes.

Gg78
Tyrant of Words
United States 26awards
Joined 5th Mar 2011
Forum Posts: 9051

Just write to write , don't write to be right! If it's shit it's your shit. It's not supposed to be about others enjoyment , more like your own. Unless you're trying to get published. Then you should read and read and read other poets. You'll get it . If not then come to terms it's not for you . Take it as a loss and keep it moving I'm sure there is another talent out there that will suit you! Good luck

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